Sunday, February 12, 2006

Pragmatic Conservatism

Guest Post by Doctor Snedley, Doctor Biobrain's Personal Assistant

Over at the aptly named Unclaimed Territory, liberal lawyer freak Glenn Greenwald rants about something he calls the "Cult of Bush" suggesting that conservatives have abandoned their conservative ideology in exchange for Bush loyalty. But as is to be expected of an ultra-liberal Bush-hater like Glenn, he is totally and completely incorrect.

Sure, the current-day conservatives completely go against everything that they stood for before, but there's a perfectly good explanation for that: That was then, this is now. The conservative movement is nothing if not pragmatic, and simply because some liberals like Glenn are stuck in a pre-9/11 attitude concerning political ideologies is no concern to us. The conservative movement has moved on, and guys like Greenwald and Sullivan were simply left behind; flailing about like dying salmon.

You see, before 9/11, America's biggest threat was Bill Clinton and his Soviet masters, and so the conservative movement worked to combat that threat at every turn. The exceptions, of course, being Welfare Reform, which clearly worked against his Soviet master's interests, as well as the war in Kosovo; in which we again maneuvered Clinton to go against the Soviet agenda. Conservatives were also able to save the economy from Clinton’s evil clutches; turning his recession into one of America’s strongest growth periods. And we clearly won that battle, as Bill Clinton is no longer President and the Soviet Union has been vanquished.

But post-9/11, everything is different. Now our biggest threat is no longer communism. Now our biggest threat is fundamentalism. And so our arguments have adapted accordingly. No longer opposing government power, which had been used by the communists for decades; we now believe that an infinitely strong government and budget-busting deficits are key to defeating the new threat that America faces. And by doing so, we will surely have the Bush-hating liberal idiots defeated in no time. Oh, and the terrorists too. It'll be a two-fer. We'll get them both.

And so that explains Glenn's confusion as to why the label "conservative" no longer applies to him. Rather than this being a case of a movement without ideology; we see poor dinosaur Greenwald lamenting his impending extinction. While the True Conservatives stay busy striving to prevent the destruction of our great nation, poor Glenn finds himself the proverbial “odd man out”; continuing to dance to a song which has long ceased playing. And all because he insists on imperiling our nation due to his everlasting and irrational hatred of a man named Bush.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glenn has lost the battle on warrantless surveillance. He has resorted to bashing and name-calling, just like what he is accusing the conservatives of doing.

He can't understand why he is being called a liberal and then runs over to post on Crooks and Liars, comes back to his own blog and trashes all Bush supporters with rhetoric. I am disappointed in Glenn, as I frequently disagree with him, I thought he put together logical disagreements.
Those days apparently are gone.

He can't distinguish the world before 9/11 and post 9/11. We have an enemy we must pay more attention to. I'm sorry he doesn't think that radical Islam is a serious threat. I'm also sorry he has taken the low road to fight those of us who take the threat seriously.

lee said...

given the content of this post, i think that the more appropriate title is "conservative pragmatism," not "pragmatic conservatism."

Snarej said...

I sincerely hope that the above diatribe is in the service of satire--otherwise it really betrays exactly the kind of noxious mentality Glenn was trying to bring to light. Of course you can't and/or won't see it that way, so argument is a waste of time. You clearly would have no qualms with living in a fascist dictatorship police state (as long as YOUR GUY was in power) to protect your scaredy cat ass from whatever boogeymen came along (or were manufactured) at the expense of every last vestige of personal freedom affirmed by the constitution and natural law.

And I'm no liberal saying that terrorism isn't a threat. I'm a native New Yorker who saw the towers fall, lost people I knew, smelt the ashes and think that the Bush neo-jacobin cabal and its blind, authoritarian followers are engaging in exactly the kind of behavior that will destroy the foundations of America--from within-- where the terrorists could never prevail.

Doctor Biobrain said...

Damn Damn Damn. I really would have thought the stuff about Clinton's Soviet masters and whatnot would have made the parody aspect of this fairly apparent. I guess maybe I screwed up this time. Those damn conservatives really are too wacko to parody.

Thus said, I still think that anyone who doesn't get it really wasn't paying attention. I mean geez, people; I know the argument I'm making accurately reflects their position, but what conservative would actually admit to it? But if enough people miss the parody, then I guess the parody just missed.

Oh, and for anyone who cares, I would just like to point out that Doctor Snedley has now been given his own blogger account. So you can direct any of your hate-mail towards him. I have no editorial control over him.

Anonymous said...

Your backfiring satire clearly wasn't up to the task of hiding what must be the fact that Greenwald was right. damn.

Missy Vixen said...

Oh, and for anyone who cares, I would just like to point out that Doctor Snedley has now been given his own blogger account. So you can direct any of your hate-mail towards him. I have no editorial control over him.

Gee, Dr. BB, your parody has truly assumed messanic proportions when you refuse to take responsiblity for your own actions and pass them off onto someone else (dare I say it...a convenient boogeyman?).

Pope Snarky Goodfella of the undulating cable, JM, CK, POEE, KOTHASK, DSOCPL, EOTHP said...

Hail Eris!

Speaking as a Canadian lefty, I must say I caught on to the parody pretty much immediately...Then again, I'm Canadian, so what do I know?

Pope Snarky Goodfella of the undulating cable, JM, CK, POEE, KOTHASK, DSOCPL, EOTHIDIAUTP

Pope Snarky Goodfella of the undulating cable, JM, CK, POEE, KOTHASK, DSOCPL, EOTHP said...

Hail Eris!

He can't distinguish the world before 9/11 and post 9/11. We have an enemy we must pay more attention to. I'm sorry he doesn't think that radical Islam is a serious threat. I'm also sorry he has taken the low road to fight those of us who take the threat seriously.

You scare me -- reason enough to have you imprisoned in secret for the rest of your life? Your utter failure to note the parody in the Doc's post is making me feel terror, so you should be imprisoned, if not killed, to make me feel safe. Just sayin'.

Snarky