Holy turdball! I was over at Roger Ailes doing my typical blog-comment shtick last night, when I suddenly realized that I had riffed onto a great 2006 Dream Year Prediction. Here goes, with a little more elaboration:
Due to Bush’s indefensible illegalities (many of which we have yet to uncover) and (more importantly) his ever-flagging poll numbers, Congressional Republicans deliver us a delightful mid-year Chimpeachment; in a desperate bid to save their dying re-election campaigns, which already look hopeless by July. Included in this takedown is Secret Mastermind President Dick Cheney (his official title) who, on top of his involvement in Bush’s multiple high crimes, has a few of his own involving some funny Iraq-Halliburton business, which also deals a long-term blow both to the idea of neo-conservatism and the no-bid contracts that inspired it. By December, most legal experts assume that both men will be serving time with co-conspirators Tom Delay and Karl Rove, as well as John Bolton (for unrelated sex crimes).
But this effort by the GOP is too-little-too-late, as voters blame them for their lack of oversight of the president; as well as for their own growing corruption scandals, which has now encompassed almost two hundred Republican Congressman, as well as many more Congressional aides. Additionally, being unable to run on their much beloved “We’re With Bush” ticket, Republicans are forced to campaign on their closest semblance of an actual platform; mostly consisting of gays, abortion, fiscal responsibility, and their distrust of all three. And finally, to show their anger at the traitorous abandonment of Dear Leader, Bush diehards actively campaign against the incumbents, nominating the worst of the worst to run in the general election (think Jean Schmidt on fundie-steroids). These events combine into the Perfect Storm, knocking the GOP bums out of office and making the biggest political switcheroo in Congress’ history; giving Dems a veto-proof majority for years to come. As a bonus, with Republicans at such a low-point, Dem politicians finally cast-off the need for both corporate whoring and stronger-than-thou warhawkery.
And thus we’re left with dimwit Hastert in charge for two more years, who quickly submits to the obvious tide against him and effectively becomes a rubber-stamp for the Democratic Party (much like his current GOP rubber-stamp position). And with this power, the Dems straighten-up Iraq, return our tax rates to their Clinton-era levels, and tweak many minor foreign and domestic issues; and thus return America back to its premier status on top of the world. Oh, and I win the lottery and become the most influential third-tier blogger on the internet.
A man can dream, can’t he? Hell, that second section is likely to happen in any case.