NY Times Traitorism Explained

Guest Post by Doctor Snedley, Personal Assistant to Doctor Biobrain
Written in response to a traitorous post by liberal Glenn Greenwald

Come off it, Glenn (if that is your real name).  The terrorists we're dealing with are as cunningly brilliant and mind-bogglingly stupid as we need them to be at any given moment.  That's exactly what makes them so damn dangerous and why Bush needs the illegal powers he's grabbed to protect us.  They’re cowering in caves at one minute, and scouring CNN and internet message-boards for pro-terror encouragement the next.  They’re everywhere and nowhere at once, and might even be right behind you at this very moment.  That’s who we’re up against, and the only way to defeat them is by using the most extreme measures known to man.  And George Bush is the man willing to take us there.

Sure, these FISA courts of yours could provide the exact same protection that Bush has claimed his less-than-legal options have garnered; but what kind of message does that send the terrorists?  When their chief opponent isn't even willing to break a few laws to defeat them?  These people blow up buildings for entertainment; and our President can't even violate a lousy statute or two?  They're laughing at us already.  And if the terrorists are laughing, the terrorists have already won.

So rather than trying to stifle Bush with an America-hating impeachment or some other “legal” option, I say that we have to take this to the next level.  As has been argued before, rather than just a violating a little illegal search action; I say that we have Bush get busy violating some real laws.  Like say we film him doing a little drive-by action on the streets of DC.  Nothing like a little gunplay to get a terrorist’s attention.  And if we really want to shake them up, Bush could go Dahmer and just start eating people and raping their detached skulls; perhaps even on a reality TV show or something.  They’d take one look at his crazy ass and just turn themselves in; knowing that our president was an ornery cuss they just didn’t want to mess with.

And so that’s what this is all about.  Not about listening in on a few phone calls; but about showing those terrorist bastards exactly how far we’ll go to defeat them.  I mean, let’s face it: Al Qaeda as a coherent terrorist organization is on its last legs and has been effectively shattered; leaving it only symbolic status as a loose-knit group of terrorist cells with no effective connection or identity.  So anything we might listen in on from known-terrorists would have little or no strategic value; while the new terrorist cells work completely undetected, and under our very noses.  But…the strategic value of terrorist scum everywhere knowing how far our president is willing to push the limits of democracy is utterly priceless.  If they know that we’re willing to destroy this democracy ourselves, they’ll be much less likely to try any of their America-hating hi-jinks, and are much more likely to focus their strength on countries like Iraq, who are trying to work on some kind of respectable democracy.  A strategy that has clearly paid off already.

And that’s exactly how the NY Times leak has damaged our security.  Because Bush wasn’t planning to keep this secret forever.  Hell no.  That would defeat the whole purpose.  Rather, he was planning to announce this on his schedule and at the appropriate time to have the most stunning psychological effect on our terrorist foes; like right after the first episode of “George Bush: Man of Meat” airs on Fox.  That’d be like a double-loaded shotgun blast to the face.  But now, the traitorous Times has effectively eliminated that stunning twofer blast; relegating Bush to the single whammy of presidential cannibalism.  So rather than seeing Bush announce these double-secret-surprise wiretaps with human entrails dripping for his fevered lips; the terrorists will just be left with the dripping entrails.  Color me unimpressed.

And so that’s how the NY Times and the rest of you liberal scum damaged America’s security by hurriedly blurting out Bush’s surprise.  The wiretaps were a done deal in either case, and any damage they may have caused to democracy and freedom was already done.  But…the surprise of announcing it at the right time?  Lost forever.  Oh, and the same goes for the whole Abu Ghraib thing.  All part of Bush’s new “We’ll Do Anything” national security initiative; which is slowly being undermined by freedom-haters in the media and abroad.  Sometimes, you’ve got to act like your enemy, to defeat them.  And sometimes, you just gotta get freaky.

Oh, and one final note to this “Glenn Greenwald” person: drop the damn pseudonym.  Only cowards hide behind invented names and silly monikers.  Always be honest with your readers; or don’t be honest at all.