Friday, January 20, 2006

A God Damned Creepy Thing

I just read this from the tempestuous James Wolcott:

“…it's clear that there's a homoerotic ardor for Bush by neonconservatives that bypasses reason and reduces them to hero-worshipping mush.”

Now, I don’t believe in aliens and I’m not a big believer in wacko conspiracies, but I’m not stupid enough to entirely disbelieve.  There’s a lot more in this world than I’ve ever seen, and while I only act upon what I know, I’m still willing to create theories that involve the unknown.  And if there are aliens and there are wacko conspiracies, then they are likely to be in play here.  Because Bush-Love really is just god damned creepy.  Digby’s got some of the goods here, but there’s really just too much of that crap.  They really love the guy.  

And hell, I think that to even label it as “homoerotic” only serves to undermine and belittle the strong feelings that these people have for Bush.  It is to somehow suggest that there are mere feelings of man-on-manliness going on here, and as if just any man could fill the part.  But if you were going to pick a man to focus your homo erotica on, Bush ain’t the guy you’d pick.  On the “Is he hot?” scale, Bush registers a big N/A.  So this isn’t simply the typical closet-crew scamming ass on the down low.  No, something much bigger is at work here.  And that means it’s Conspiracy Time.

The Conspiracy

Now, I may have said this before, but I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’ll say it again: It’s my guess that there was something put in the drinking water at some of those GOP events.  And maybe they slipped it into individuals’ drinks too.  Some kind of weird hormone or LSD-based sampler that affects the brain at a basic level and really fucks with these people.  Because there are a lot of people infected with it, and I just can’t figure out how else to explain it.  

I mean, Bush is a doof.  A big dangerous bullying doof who constantly says the wrong thing, does the wrong thing, thinks the wrong things, and looks like an idiot the whole time he’s doing it.  And this is readily apparent every time I look at the man.  Not once did I ever look at Bush and think “Wow!  What a man!”  Not once.  That’s not to suggest that I usually think “What a man!” when I see a manly man, as that’s a bit dorky; but you know what I mean.  He’s a little wienie who can’t even fill the jockstrap of the man he wants to pretend to be.

And yet these people seem to be looking at an entirely different guy.  Where they see “Bob Hope and John Wayne combined,” I see a dope that would play the bumbling dad on a cancelled sitcom.  Hell, I’d be happy to just get Bob Hope, and he’s been dead for a couple years.  But Bush is simply an embarrassment.  I can understand the attraction towards an Elvis, even Elvis Costello; but Bush?  There’s just nothing there to work with.  I could make a better man out of mashed potatoes and a meat strainer, and I wouldn’t even have to include the meat strainer in the final product.

Debating the Suit

Here’s more from Chris Matthews speaking of Bush in the flightsuit:
I want to see him debate somebody like John Kerry or Lieberman or somebody wearing that jumpsuit.

Uh, yeah.  That’d have gone over great.  Kerry wouldn’t even have needed to say anything.  He could just stand there with a big smirk on his face and occasionally let out a snicker or two.  Bush’s codpiece would have shrunk two sizes.  

And yet Matthews isn’t a dumb man.  Not too dumb, anyway.  So how else can we explain his weird obsession with Bush?  I could understand if Bush was a big hunk of man (like yours truly), but he’s not.  I could even understand if he had the Leonardo DiCaprio/Johnny Depp cute guy thing going on.  But he doesn’t.  He’s just a normal looking goofball who would never be cast to play a macho president in a million years.  Hell, he wouldn’t even be cast to play a goofball president, because he doesn’t seem “with it” enough to even be in a movie.  Beyond the name “George Bush” he didn’t have any attribute that would even remotely suggest that he could be president, and that name really didn’t do so well for his dad.  And yet he’s still considered macho by millions.  Even my biobrain is staggered by this.

And so that’s where I stand on all this: a Love Drug that convinced relatively normal, sane people to adore Bush.  Maybe it’s one of those mystery drugs they advertise on the talk radio shows, I don’t know.  I’m not saying I endorse this theory, but it’s the one that makes the most sense.  And if there are any aliens out there who can get me some of this love-inducing stuff, I’ll take it.  Not that I have any trouble getting adoring fans, I just like to fuck with people.

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