Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Corpus Christian No More

I’ve got a confession: I’ve moved.  No longer is Doctor Biobrain the spunky liberal blogger reporting from the conservative coast in beautiful Corpus Christi Texas.  Nope.  I’ve traded in my sunscreen and beach towel and headed back inland, to the decadent liberal bastion of Austin Texas.  That’s right, I’m now living in heathen central, within spitting distance of God-hated homos, man-hating feminists, and all those other freaks and geeks who cause and create consternation to the Real Americans and have all but ruined our once proud nation.  And who knows, maybe I too will be infected by this dreaded virus and eventually end up as a homo feminazi freak who hates America and wants nothing better than for the Islamofascists to take over and institute Mohamed’s Law across the globe.  Mohamed’s pro-gay man-hating Law.  I’ll try to fight it, but we all know how strong the siren song of the True Liberal is to an All-American boy such as myself.  

This isn’t to say that I didn’t like Corpus, as that has nothing to do with my move.  I lived in Austin for over a decade and eventually picked Corpus because it was the closest approximation of a good place I could find, without having to move outside of my home state of Texas.  In fact, the main reason I moved from Austin was because it was so damn nice that it attracted a bunch of jerkoffs that jammed the highways with cars, the festivals with elbows, and the bars with drunken louts who insisted upon singing louder than the two-bit coverband which was inflicting itself upon us; often even drowning out my own delightful additions to whatever song they may have been playing at the time.  And this is all in accordance with the Immutable Laws of Supply & Demand – City Edition, which dictates that all the great places to live will turn into hellholes because everyone wants to live there.  And the better the living is, the more people will want to live there, until it gets too crowded and innocent folks like myself will want to flee for their lives.

But Corpus was all different.  For whatever reason, nobody wants to live there.  There’s no good university, the social scene sucks, and the jobs pay dirt wages for too much work and not enough respect.  In other words, I loved it.  The traffic was almost non-existent.  You could get a good parking spot most of the time. And the bars were generally half-filled, even on a good night.  Plus, there was the beach.  I’ve always been a beach lover, and while Corpus’s are a fairly piss-poor excuse as far as real beaches go; they weren’t too crowded and the jellyfish were usually easy to avoid (except when they weren’t).  And again, this is all in accordance with the ILS&D:CE.  If the place was any good to live in, it’d be filled-up quickly enough that it’d start sucking in no time.  And so that’s where I lived for a couple of years.  It was sucky enough to not be too crowded, without sucking enough to make me want to leave.

But all that is going to change.  Corpus is picking its ass up and getting it into gear.  It’s not there yet, but it’s got all the makings for a great city.  They need a better university, they need some higher paying jobs, and they need to expand their nightclub scene; and voila!, they’re a happening city.  I’m serious.  One post I failed to make was one regarding the liberalization of Corpus Christi.  I’m not just speaking politically, but the whole shooting match.  If just half of one percent of the cool people out there moved to Corpus, the entire dynamics of the city would change.  It really is a good city with a lot going for it, and a slight push to the political and cultural left is all that it would take to finish the job.  They already vote Democratic, largely due to a high Hispanic population.  And all they need is a new liberal voice to push it over the edge.  It’s just waiting for it.  It’s just waiting for you.

And the best part about it: You’d be a Texan.  And let me tell you as a long time Texan, it really is better being Texan.  There’s no state with a cooler sounding name.  There’s no state that’s tougher.  There’s no state with a better reputation than Texas.  I’m not proud of a lot of things, but one of the things I’m proud of is being a Texan.  Sometimes, just being Texan is the best qualification for an important job.  Just say it in your mouth: Texas.  Texas.  Spell it.  T-E-X-A-S.  Say “Texan” repeatedly.  Or “I’m a Texan.”  And if you happen to say “Howdy, Tex!” to some dude while walking down the street, chances are better you’ll be right, in Texas.  And so you’ll have that going for you too.  And don’t forget that beach: Not too many jellyfish.  So if you’re looking for a decent place to live, and you’d like a small town feel with a big city’s amenities, look no further than Corpus Christi Texas.  It’s really got a lot going for it, and you can see dolphins in the morning on the misty bay.  It’s really awesome and I can’t recommend it to you enough.  Unless you just want to move to Austin, which is perfectly understandable, even if you’re not wanted there.

But now I’m gone.  Mrs. Biobrain got a new job in a new city, so for the past few weeks I’ve been packing it up and moving it out.  And so the posting hasn’t been going so well here.  It’s kind of hard to blog when your computer is in a different city.  I’m even typing this on the road, heading back to Corpus for one last trip (ahh, science).  But Mrs. Biobrain needed a change of scene, and so the change was made.  

And on that theme, I’ve decided that everything’s going to change.  I’ve recently discovered that 2006 is going to be my year, and that means that I really gotta get my butt into gear with this shit.  Pretty soon, I’m going to redesign the whole website, pull a bunch of switcheroos, and even set-up some kind of fancyass archive, so all of you can better revel in my glory.  And who knows, maybe I’ll institute cat blogging around here.  Not that I really like that shit, I just happen to have a lot of stupid pictures of a lot of stupid cats.  Let me know if that’d suck too much, and I’ll take that into consideration.   Anyway, that’s all for now.  


6131 said...

no cat blogging please.

Doctor Biobrain said...

You're right. I regret the idea already. No cat blogging.