Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Gore Effect

One of the few things the Bushies ever really got right was the smearing of Al Gore. While everything from the Iraq War, tax cuts, politicizing the DOJ, and even winning the presidency eventually blew up in their faces; the smearing of Al Gore is still paying great dividends. And via Carpetbagger, we see that in a mindnumbingly stupid article from Politico called Tracking the Gore Effect
For several years now, skeptics have amusedly eyed a phenomenon known as “The Gore Effect” to half-seriously argue their case against global warming. 

The so-called Gore Effect happens when a global warming-related event, or appearance by the former vice president and climate change crusader, Al Gore, is marked by exceedingly cold weather or unseasonably winter weather. 
Only a braindead numbnut with the scientific expertise of a small chihuahua could possibly give any credence to such an effect existing in reality.  But of course, nobody really does.  As the article says 
Tracking The Gore Effect "doesn’t contribute much to the actual making of policy," said House Energy and Commerce Committee Republican spokeswoman Lisa Miller. But it "can be fun."
And people say that Republicans don't know how to have fun.  I always get great laughs when discussing global catastrophes of epic proportions.  But of course, that's not what they're making fun of.  They're just making fun of dumb ol' Al Gore, the loser phony liar who can't get anything straight.  And sure, he's now considered far more respectable than Bush, Rove, or any of the people bashing him; but still the braindead gossip mongers just can't leave the guy alone.

The Summer of 2000

And it's truly sad to think that they still imagine Gore as this hapless loser who's still in the dumps.  For as badly as everything's gone for the Bushies, these people still hold on to the belief that Gore is this Charlie Brown character who we all laugh at due to his inability to catch a break.  Reality tells us that Gore was entirely vindicated while everyone associated with Bush is forever disgraced; but for Gore's critics, it's always the summer of 2000 and Bush is the head frat brother dousing the nerd wannabe with beer.

And this is the true Gore Effect.  It was the Bush campaign's ability to so completely smear Gore that reality just can't seep in to change their impression of the guy.  I have no doubt that they realize what a complete failure Bush has become, but all the same, a special "Gore's a Joke" circuit takes over the moment his name is mentioned.  They're simply incapable of wrapping their brains around the new information, and even a Nobel prize won't change that.  

And again, this is the one truly lasting achievement of the Bush Administration.  Long after people forget how Iraq became such a war-torn country, and even after we've all become accustomed to the changes that were required for us to reverse Global Warming; these people will continue to think of Al Gore as a hapless bozo who deserves only mockery and ridicule.  And if that means they have to make complete bozos of themselves in order to have a little fun, so be it.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Do Know Much About Civics

I am a civics genius.  That's right, folks.  I just took this civics exam that a news article said 71% of those surveyed "failed," and guess what: I got every one of the questions right.  That's right.  I got a 100%.  And apparently, the average score was 49%, which would make me a total genius; at least by comparison.  

And of course, the purpose of this test was to show that our education system sucks and we're all morons.  Hell, the mast at the top of the page sums it up: OUR FADING HERITAGE Americans Fail a Basic Test on Their History and Institutions. This was yet another of those "We're all going to hell in a handbasket" studies that show how much dumber we are than previous generations were. And dollars to donuts, you can bet these same types were telling the previous generations the same damn thing. No matter how bad things used to be, you'll always find somebody to tell you that it's much worse now.

And after taking the test, one thing struck me: The page showing my score showed that the average grade of those taking the test online was a 77.8%.  But how likely is that?  I mean, it makes sense that people who voluntarily take the test online would be smarter than those selected randomly; but that's a HUGE difference. How could a test score go up by almost 29 points?

Devil's in the Details

And then I looked at the methodology.  First off, the online test was only 33 questions, while the real test was 118 questions.  But more importantly, this survey was done over the phone.  That's right, they made over two thousand people take a 118 question multiple-choice exam over the telephone, and then act surprised that people did poorly.  And trust me, some of these questions were difficult and required me to read the choices many times before I felt good about the answer.  And a few of them were totally bogus and I just took best guesses at what they wanted.  And they expected people to do well on this over the phone?

But of course they didn't.  They wanted people to fail.  The whole purpose of the exam was so that they could announce that Americans are stupid and that our heritage is fading.  That was it.  And they made sure to throw in some easy ones, so they could pretend that these were basic questions.  But let's look at one of the harder ones:

27)   Free markets typically secure more economic prosperity than government’s centralized planning because:

30)   Which of the following fiscal policy combinations would a government most likely follow to stimulate economic activity when the economy is in a severe recession?

31)   International trade and specialization most often lead to which of the following?

And remember, these are being asked over a long phone conversation with someone who realized they had gotten in deeper than they had planned.  And for what?  Why should these people, after they've already answered 50 questions, continue to give all their effort to answering this correctly?  Is there any doubt the score would have gone up if there was a prize on the line?  Of course it would have.  This exam didn't test people's civics experience.  It was a test of their mental endurance.

And hell, I know a few conservatives who definitely would have gotten the "severe recession" question wrong, because they don't believe in deficit spending. Sure, they're ignorant, but it's only because they've been misled, not because they're not paying attention.

Details v. Concepts

And this kind of crap just bugs the hell out of me.  Should people know more than they do about civics and history?  Sure.  But doing a telephone survey of 118 questions isn't the way to prove it.  Remember, the average score for people taking the shorter test online was 77.8%, compared with 49% with the long test over the phone.  This didn't test anything except for this group's desire to make us feel stupid.

Hell, the only reason I knew some of those answers is just because I spend so much time debating online and it's stuff that just comes up.  But this isn't required knowledge or make me a better citizen.  And hell, gauging civics intelligence upon events like the Cuban Missile Crisis is always going to lead to "fading" knowledge, as that was once a current event to people. And frankly, despite the scariness of the situation, I'm not exactly sure how it relates to important civics lessons. People knew it as a current event, not a historical event. The fate of the world was at risk, but it wasn't a Magna Carte level event. The lesson to be learned from it was minor.

Nor do I see why it's important to recognize specific quotes from the Gettsyburg Address or The Declaration of Independence. This wasn't a test for civics as much as it was a specific knowledge test. And while I have no doubts that many of the conservatives I debate with would do well on these questions, I completely doubt their ability to comprehend any of it. Does it really matter which of our rights come from the Bill of Rights, rather than from later amendments? Or does it really matter if you knew whether freedom of religion was in the first or second amendment? I think not. What matters is if people have an idea of why we need these rights; not the order they came in. And I suspect that people have a better understanding of the fuzzy concepts behind our system of government than the specifics that this exam tested.

And that's the bigger point. History shouldn't even be about specific quotes or incidents, but rather a conceptual understanding of why these things happened as a way of informing us of where things might be going. After all, there will only be one Declaration of Independence, but there will always be a need for understanding why it was written. This test didn't begin to test on that knowledge. Americans didn't fail the test; the test failed them.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Today's GOP: Headless and Stupid

Josh Marshall has a post today about how the GOP looked briefly in 2006 as if they had learned what a mistake it was to continue supporting Bush after their disastrous losses in the mid-term elections, but how they ended up doubling-down on Bush and the war anyway...which only furthered their losses in this election.  And he asks why they did this.

It's my belief that the problem is Republican authoritarianism.  They really only know how to follow orders from above and simply can't think for themselves.  It's all about establishing who the big dog is, and all the little dogs will follow right along.  And in this case, who else could have been the big dog than Bush?  He was the president.  They had already proclaimed repeatedly that anyone who doesn't support him completely is a traitor to our nation.  Hell, the Dixie Chicks got utterly destroyed by most of their fanbase simply for saying that they were embarrassed to come from the same state as Bush.  It just made sense that he'd stay in the driver's seat.

And more importantly, who would replace him?  Even in this election, McCain clearly wasn't the leader of the party.  Sure, they nominated him, but merely by default.  It wasn't that he stepped forward, but rather that all the others stepped back (or got pushed back) and McCain was just the guy who stood still.  And when an unknown lightweight like Palin showed up, she completely overshadowed him in every way.

And he was the strongest they had, yet most of the base was already praying that he'd die so she could take over.  Yet Palin isn't a leader.  She's just a defective chat-bot who can only recite strings of nonsensical talking points, and even then sounds pretty damn stupid about it.  She doesn't know strategy and the only plans she has involve herself.  She isn't going to lead the party into the future, and definitely couldn't have in 2006.  Even if Republicans are dumb enough to follow her, she'll still need someone to tell her where she's going.

Too Corrupt to Succeed

And so Bush stayed the big dog by default.  The few truly bright Republicans like Gingrich, Lott, and DeLay were too corrupt to stay in office, and all they were left with was the hand-picked lapdogs who knew how to growl on cue, but could do little more.  They were picked for their obedience and ability to recite talking points, and now it's all they have.  And so what else would Bush do with them than to have them continue to support him and pray that irreversible tides would inexplicably reverse?

And even McCain was a part of that.  They were totally using him as a propaganda machine, knowing that he'd do anything to get Bush's blessings.  And now with Bush in the toilet, they've got nobody.  They know that they can't follow Bush, but they don't have anyone else.  Gingrich is still praying he can pull them back behind him, but isn't in any sort of position to see that happen.  Besides, he really wasn't so great at the strategizing thing either.  He was decent at tactics, but didn't have any reasonable goal in mind once his tactics won the day.

And the biggest problem is that, at the end of the day, they don't have many ideas and the few they have are incredibly unpopular.  So they can do all the strategizing and maneuvering they want, but the best they can do is obstruct Democrats.  Because if they actually achieve a policy goal, they'll be hated by everyone and be further behind than when they started.  And so the few people who can lead them don't want to do so, and most of them have no clue where to start.  

And unless they finally decide to give up on their rigid conservativism, it's going to remain that way into the future.  They can obstruct Democrats, but they'll never be able to get ahead.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Gays Make Me Gay

I've got shocking news for all my loyal Biobrain readers: I've gone gay.  That's right, I've finally succumbed to the Gay Fascists and have traded in Mrs. Biobrain for Mr. Biobrain.  I didn't want to, and until earlier today, had never even given the idea much thought at all.  But after the latest round of protests of California's Proposition 8, it just happened.  I'm gay.  Not only that, but I'm gay married; and in Texas, no less, which makes it totally illegal.

And who do I have to thank for this?  The Gay Fascists who have made it their life's work to destroy the fabric of our society and realized decades ago that the best way to do this would be to become homosexuals.  Where communism and rock music failed, homosexualism marches on.  And it was obvious that this was the best way to go.  How could we possibly hold out against their superior fashion sense and flashy discotheques?  Oh, and their shoes: To die for.

And so this is the end, dear readers.  How can I possibly continue blogging now that my entire world has been up-ended?  Everything is different now.  I prefer the ballet over football, and have exchanged hotdogs for butt sausages.  And there's just no way I can possibly write for such a generic looking blog.  It doesn't even have retro appeal to it.  It's just so...blah.

No, as we all know, once teh gay enters the scene, everything is different.  Everything.  And that includes my politics.  I'm now a Log Cabin Republican, just so I can get screwed every four years by dorks in tacky suits who only want me for my money, but talk trash about me to all their roughneck friends after I leave.  And my children have become unicorns; and not even the nice ones you see in fairy tales, but the pervert ones that always dress in leather and have those nasty mustaches.  And instead of pancakes on the weekend, I'll eat blintzes with cream cheese in them.  Jesus, will the horrors never end?  

And all because the gays want to destroy our nation.  Thanks, fascists.  Your existence has ruined my life.  I didn't want to go gay.  The gayness made me do it.

Update: I've just been informed by a very reliable source that Mrs. Biobrain is, in fact, still a girl and I still have no fashion sense.  So you can just ignore everything I just wrote and assume I'll be eating pancakes and hotdogs this weekend.  I guess the Gay Menace isn't as mighty as I had been led to believe.  My children are still perverted unicorns, however, so I really might want to do something about that.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Obamafascism Infiltrates Junior High Utopia

Poor, besieged conservatives.  Once upon a time, they ruled the earth with a permanent majority that would last beyond the ages.  But my, have the mighty have fallen.  Things are so bad that they're now documenting every instance of intolerance against them, which includes an eighth-grade girl who was insulted at school for wearing a McCain shirt.  

That's right.  Obama's intolerance and hatred has even infiltrated our junior high system, subjecting innocent students to being called "stupid" and told they should die by their angry peers.  No longer are junior highs the safe haven of joyful diversity we recall from our youths.  Obama's fierce radicalism has turned these once-loving institutions into hate-filled insult-fests, where students relentlessly tease those different from themselves and hurl insults at anyone they don't like.  There have even been a few reported cases of children being forced against their will to hit themselves repeatedly, while the attacker paradoxically asks them why they're doing this to themselves; a direct affront to rationalism that could only have emanated from Obama's noxious campaign.

And while Republicans still pine for the days of equality, when children were taught that no one was better than anyone else; the Obamatrons have turned our educational system into a form of social darwinism, where bullies roam free to taunt their helpless victims and authority figures turn a blind eye to it all.  The weak are made weaker, in Obama's America and anyone who speaks out against this fascist oppression is forced to endure yet another round of horrid name-calling and empty threats.

And as we all know, this is all a one-sided affair and there has never ever been a documented case of a Republican insulting or abusing a Democrat...ever.  And without any doubt, this is the direct result of Obama's intended orders for his supporters to get in the face of anyone who opposes them in any way.  And while these intimidation tactics were insanely dangerous when used against adults, it's absolutely sinful to see this in our education system.  Never before have eighth-graders insulted their fellow students, until Obama and his evil minions violated our nation's sacred honor.  

People, we must rid ourselves of Obama's deadly influence if we ever expect to see tolerance and diversity celebrated again in our nation's schools.  Never again should a fourteen year old be called "stupid" by another fourteen year old, or be subjected to ridicule for the clothes they wear or the things they say.  Never again.

Supposed Anti-Obama Attacks

Oh, and as for these supposedly anti-Obama "attacks" being reported in the Liberal Media, these are all cases of people letting off a little steam and the fact that they're being reported as anti-Obama hatred is proof of the liberal media's liberal bias.  These include:

_North Carolina State University students admitted writing anti-Obama comments in a tunnel designated for free speech expression, including one that said: "Let's shoot that (N-word) in the head."

_Standish, Maine, a sign inside the Oak Hill General Store read: "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool." Customers could sign up to bet $1 on a date when Obama would be killed. "Stabbing, shooting, roadside bombs, they all count," the sign said. At the bottom of the marker board was written "Let's hope someone wins."

_Racist graffiti was found in places including New York's Long Island, where two dozen cars were spray-painted; Kilgore, Texas, where the local high school and skate park were defaced; and the Los Angeles area, where swastikas, racial slurs and "Go Back To Africa" were spray painted on sidewalks, houses and cars.

_Second- and third-grade students on a school bus in Rexburg, Idaho, chanted "assassinate Obama," a district official said.

_University of Alabama professor Marsha L. Houston said a poster of the Obama family was ripped off her office door. A replacement poster was defaced with a death threat and a racial slur.

_Crosses were burned in yards of Obama supporters in Hardwick, N.J., and Apolacan Township, Pa.

_A black teenager in New York City said he was attacked with a bat on election night by four white men who shouted 'Obama.'

And again, this is just natural backlash against the pure hatred and vitriol coming from Obama and his goons, and the blame for each of these events rests solely with them.  And if Obama didn't want this sort of stuff, he shouldn't have stolen the election and vowed to destroy America with his Marxist Muslim pals.  He could have rolled over and accepted the will of the Real Americans, who voted against him, but decided instead to put his own interests ahead of the country's by accepting the votes of the Other Americans; and thus, destroyed the fabric of our democracy.  He has no one to blame but himself.

Besides, how can these benign events be compared with an eighth-grader being called stupid in her own school?  The celebration of assassination is one thing, but personal insults in a school environment?  How ghastly.  Obama is to blame for this and must be stopped.  Not just for ourselves, but for the sake of the children.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Conservative Catastrophe: Bigger Than Bush

One common meme I've noticed emerging from conservatives, liberals, and the media is the idea that Bush is to blame for everything that's gone wrong with the Republican Party. But that is entirely absurd. Bush didn't invent conservativism. He wasn't the one who decided that diplomacy was for losers. The Iraq war wasn't his idea. He didn't invent tax cuts or cronyism.  These were all trademarks of the Republican Party, going back for decades.  Not only is the entire Republican Party to blame for the woes that now beset them for having enabled Bush, but these weren't even his ideas to begin with.

From top to bottom, every stupid decision he made was handed to him by somebody else. The "Mission Accomplished" banner didn't originate with him. He didn't come up with the idea of appointing Harriet Miers on his own, and if he did, he could easily have been stopped. And I'm sure he wasn't even aware of how thoroughly Dick Cheney controlled his administration. No, these were all really bad ideas that were handed to him by people he trusted. Sure, he deserves the ultimate responsibility, whatever that means.  But he was just a dope who went along with what he was told.  

It's the ultimate cop-out, particularly when talking about a president, but he was just following orders.  I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, but that's what happened.  He had people he trusted who fed him specific information in order to get him to agree to a specific set of decisions, and he did.  And had he had Obama's advisors feeding him information and advice, you can be assured that things would have turned out much better.  

And whether or not he deserves the blame for trusting the people he trusted, the fact that he listened to these people and he failed is an indictment of their entire system.  Bush didn't create anti-intellectual conservativism; he was its creation.  

Blame the Man, Not the Movement

And this is an important distinction.  Because the people pushing the "It's Bush's Fault" meme are trying to sell you something.  The conservatives who say it are trying to use this as the explanation for why their dreams failed.  Conservativism didn't fail; they'll argue.  It was failed, by one man.  And the liberals who say it are no better, trying to convince you that the results of the last two elections aren't part of a trend, but rather a mere fluke; again, created by one man.  And they'll assure you that some day soon, America will return to insanity and start being stupid again.
And both sides are convinced that this is a mere blip in an epic struggle that conservatives are still winning, and use it as the only explanation for why all their predictions for the past few years have proven incorrect.  It's not the model that's to blame, they'll say.  It's the man.  Oddly, these same folks also believe that history is shaped by events and not individuals, but somehow this is forgotten about.  To them, one single incompetent man can be responsible for large unpredictable shifts in historical winds.

But again, all of this is wrong.  Bush wasn't some tyrant who decided on his own to betray conservativism.  Nor was he its creator.  He did what it told him to do, and it turned out to be a huge failure.  And all Republicans are to blame, as they, at one point or another, boosted him up and supported his every move while denouncing anyone who dared oppose him.  Even now, the wingnuts at RedState will attack anyone who bad mouths Bush from the left; while agreeing with anyone on the right that Bush failed conservativism.

Talking to Satan

And I was thinking about this while reading Carpetbagger's post on how Iran is worrying about how to deal with Obama, now that Obama wants to meet with them without preconditions.  Because one of Iran's strongest moves was to blame The Great Satan for all their woes, and suddenly, Satan wants to open a dialogue.  And now they're worried that they actually have to negotiate, which isn't what they wanted at all.  And all thanks to Obama's foreign policy stance.

And one of the commenters there insisted that Obama had nothing to do with this, and that this was merely a rebuke of Bush and his gut-based diplomacy.  But that's entirely incorrect.  Bush didn't invent our hard stance towards Iran.  We've always had that.  Even Clinton had a hard stance against Iran.  

And the hardliner conservatives and neo-cons ALWAYS wanted them to do more, as a way of pushing us into war.  This policy didn't originate in Bush's gut.  It was handed to him by foreign policy "experts" who have made it their life's work to push such policies.  And if anything, they think Bush didn't do enough.  As a British official said before the Iraq invasion: "Everyone wants to go to Baghdad. Real men want to go to Tehran."

And it's not just Iran.  While Bush ratcheted things up a little, we've had these same stupid policies with Iraq and Cuba and North Korea and many other "rogue" nations for decades; including under Clinton.  It's as if we've all forgotten that Clinton was constantly saber-rattling with Iraq and bombing them and trying to provoke them into war.  And while I don't doubt that he was simply doing this to remove the pressure from the hardliner warhawks, that's the whole point.  Clinton's appeasement of the warhawks helped grease the way towards eventual war.

Between Containment and War

This wasn't just Bush or the conservatives.  This was standard foreign policy going back to WWII.  On the one end of the spectrum of accepted policies, we had "containment," which meant economic embargoes and funneling money to our enemy's enemies.  And on the other end, it was outright war.  And anyone who didn't chose some option in-between these two stances was an unrealistic peacenik wimp who didn't understand how the world worked.  

And again, even the Clintons bought into that line of thinking.  It should always be remembered that Republican hardliners denounced President Reagan for even visiting Soviet Russia.  And all Bush did was follow the advice of the hardliners.  This isn't a rebuke of Bush and his gut.  This is a rebuke of the entire foreign policy community; which was largely egged-on by the hardliners.  And so Obama has actually done quite a bit by even talking about negotiating without preconditions.  This isn't a return to normal.  This is a first in sanity.  

And if it works, it will be yet another nail in the conservative coffin.  We're not just writing Bush's epithet, but that of an entire ideology.  Rather than this being a speedbump towards conservative domination, conservativism will be seen as a horrible detour away from reality-based decision-making.  If liberals are to blame for anything, it's for being too successful and getting lazy and fat.  Conservatives will get the blame for everything else.  And Bush was their mascot, not their creator.

The World Just Ended

Thanks, Muslim-Elect Obama. You just ended the world. I knew I should have voted for the white guy. Why, oh why did I let those damn liberals guilt me?!? Even his middle name was Muslim, for christ's sake. That should have been the tip-off right there! And now it's too late and everything's dead, and there ain't a damn thing I can do about it.

On the bright side, my plan to keep putting off the yardwork really looks pretty smart in hindsight, now that the yard is all blown up. I'll make sure to rub that in with Mrs. Biobrain in Infidel Hell, or wherever it is that Obama's god sends us. Sure hope it's not too hot. I was just getting used to the Texas heat finally wearing off now that November has arrived. Now it looks like I might be back in the furnace again. Can't say I wasn't warned.

Obama Defeats Norris

That's right, I just ran the Ultimate Match-Up between President-Elect Barack Obama and the Legendary Chuck Norris using their likenesses in Wii Sports, and Obama came out on top. Of course, I was using Chuck Norris left-handed, as I knew the President-Elect would be injured the instance he faced-off against Chuck's strong arm. (I mean, come on, we're talking about Chuck Norris here. The Secret Service would never stand for it.)

The tennis match-up was a strong victory for Obama, winning all four matches. Norris gave him a run for his money the whole time, but just couldn't seem to throw Obama off his game. And while Barack had his problems with bowling earlier in the year, he really kicked it up a notch tonight, losing only one of three games to Chuck. And in the final game, he surpassed himself by scoring a record 249 (my personal high, too). The first night I used him was on Election Night, when I scored a 244, in a game which included six straight strikes (something I'd never done before); which is how I knew he'd beat McCain. But defeating Chuck Norris is just something else. Clearly, his will be a presidency like no other.

And sure, me using both hands to play two Wii characters who have likenesses of famous people isn't any real way to predict how well Obama will perform in the real world, but honestly, can you say it's any worse than what the pundits are giving us? I think not. At least these characters have some resemblance to reality.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

All Kinds of Stupid: The Bush & Palin Story

Most people have such a simple idea of dumb. Like there's only one kind of dumb in the world, and you're either dumb or you're not. But the reality is that there are all kinds of dumb. Like when it comes to social skillz, I'm totally dumb. Seriously. And while I've learned to compensate for that by being the most interesting person in the world, it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm still socially retarded. Or when it comes to manipulating people, I just can't do it. I'm that guy who just likes to put it all out there and hope things work out for the best. While I'm a keen observer of human nature, I've never really been able to use that ability to actually get anything extra out of people.

But, in fact, there's a reason for this; I'm quite convinced that if you're empathetic enough to understand the perspective of the people around you, then you're too empathetic to take advantage of them. Because you see it all. You see them for who they are. You feel for them. And you're paying so much attention to the messages that they're sending that you're just no good at sending messages of your own. Or at least, that's how things are for me.

Or for social mannerisms, I'm just no good at them, for the same reason. Rather than mirroring the social mores of others, I'm too busy observing them. I take it all in. And while I really am great at being the center of attention (and if you ever meet me, you'll agree that I own the center of attention), I find it just as stimulating to sit outside of a group and watch them interact. It's just interesting, and it helps me understand life better. That's how I got to be so fucking smart; just watching others interact.

Mirrors v. Windows

And the thing is, I suspect that these traits are mutually exclusive. People who are good at manipulating others aren't empathetic. They don't even understand what they're doing. Rather than soaking in what others do, they reflect everything. They're mirrors, not windows. Nothing gets through. And they can reflect back the mannerisms of whomever they're with in order to get whatever they want. They can manipulate you because they don't understand you; they're just taking advantage of whatever it is you're sending out.

But of course, it's not an on-or-off thing, and there are varying degrees in everyone for how much we soak in and how much we reflect; with the people at both ends of the spectrum finding themselves incapable of having true interactions with others. The total introverts never have the physical connection with others, and the total extroverts never have the mental connection. And most of us find ourselves somewhere in between. But without a doubt, it's the people on the mirror side who are most likely to succeed. Like it or not, the extroverts will rule the earth.

And that explains why President Bush and Sarah Palin have been as successful as they are. Because they're mirrors. They're manipulators. But they don't understand how. They're just like brainless sharks, acting on reflex. Not that they're brainless, but that there is little real thought to what they're doing. Manipulating people is just natural for them, and they've found it so easy to get what they want out of people that they never even really have to work too hard at it. They lack character because they never had to work too hard to get what they wanted. They don't even really know how they do it, though they're aware enough of that they get it done. And to them, this makes them the cleverest people in the world. And by some standards, I suppose they are.

Winning One for the Palin

But nonetheless, they're idiots; Palin more so than Bush. Complete morons, by any real standard of intelligence. Bush at least was raised in a political family and has an inate ability to grasp the grand scheme of the political landscape. But Sarah Palin has only had herself. It's not about living up to some family standard or winning one for the team, like Bush. It's about her getting ahead; always moving ahead. And in Wasilla, that meant politics. And I don't know the exact details of how she did it, but being able to convert that into a governorship. But it was never about anything bigger than that. She didn't even have the sophiscated worldview of Bush, which taught him from birth that he deserved the very best.

No, for Sarah Palin, is was just about getting ahead. Getting out of the podunk world she was born in and moving into something better. Anything better. This wasn't about becoming president. It was just about being something better than she was. And if she had entered a corporate environment, she'd be the one who ended up as your unworthy boss and would never have considered politics. But there was no real agenda to any of this. No real plan. It was just using the social skillz she was born with to the best of her abilities. And she did that. She said the words she needed to say and manuevered the people she needed to manuever, and it all just worked out...to a point.

But all the same, she was a moron. Just like Bush is a moron. No, their brains function just fine. They're just not like the brains us nice people have. They're designed differently, and meant to give different outcomes. They might see the same things we see, but none of it soaks in. It all just reflects right back to look like whatever it was you were casting out, which is why the conservatives who "vetted" Palin imagined that she was perfect, because she told them exactly what they wanted to hear. And for this, they're allowed to rise up the ranks to levels that the rest of us never even consider.

Not that they deserve it, but because they can convince enough people that they deserve it; and that's what it's all about. Like it or not, appearances are often more important than realities, and these people were made for appearances. We just need to learn to deal with it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

How to Handle Political Attacks (Without Freaking Out)

It really bothers me that not enough liberals have figured out how political attacks work. Back in the primary season, one big reason I was against Hillary winning the nomination was because she carried so much political baggage with her. Baggage that has proven its ability to stick to her. Suddenly, it'd be 1999 all over again and some idiotic cattle trade deal that I've never been able to comprehend would suddenly be the most important story of the day. And the best her defenders could say is that Obama would be attacked too, so we should go with Hillary, who had somehow proved her ability to survive attacks.

But of course he was going to be attacked, but with what? With something that would stick to him, like some shady business dealings the Clintons had yet to uncover? Or would it be the same tax & spend socalism crap they always toss at Democrats? And as we saw, it was the same old crap. And that wasn't going to stick because socialism has no real meaning to anyone except for conservatives. And excusing him of "palling around with terrorists" was too outrageous to be believed. These just weren't good attacks.

But political attacks are rarely about the attacks themselves. They're about the distractions. Rarely are undecided voters so scandalized by something a politician does that it brings them down. Of the thousand or so national politicians who ran for election this year, you can probably count on your fingers the ones who had real scandals tied to them, and corrupt guys like Ted Stevens and Norm Coleman did well anyway.

It's the Distraction, Stupid

No, it's not the political attack that bring you down. It's how you handle them. Are you the lucky type who can stiff-arm each attack with ease, or do you get mired down in molassas? That's the secret of fighting attacks. And the Republican's secret is to keep tossing so many attacks that you can't help but get mired down in the molassis. Their goal is to make it so that your entire campaign becomes devoted to fighting off attacks. But not because the attacks convince people that they're true, but as a way of grinding your campaign to a stop and making your organization look disorganized and inefficient. So you aren't issuing attacks any more, and you're not staying on-message, or reminding voters of why they should vote for you. That's what it's all about.

And for as much as Hillary's supporters touted her ability to "survive" the attacks in the 90's, what did that mean exactly? Sure, she didn't go psycho and shoot people on a crowded subway. But her husband got impeached. And they never really did achieve the agenda they had set out to in the beginning, due largely to all of the attacks. And worst of all, she's still carrying the attacks around with her, and her supporters will still spend more time explaining why the attacks are false than they spend explaining why we should vote for her. And that's the thing, for as effective as the Clintons were at fighting attacks, they never really were able to get past them.

And that's something I believed Obama could do, and something he effectively has done so far. It's not just that Obama was able to win in spite of the attacks against him. It's that his attackers looked worse every time they attacked him. It kept happening to Hillary whenever she attacked him, and it happened to McCain when he attacked. And the cycle was always the same: An attack would be issued, there'd be a few days of speculation of whether it'd hurt Obama or not, Obama might lose a point or two in the polls while people digested the attack, and then the attack would go away. And after the dust settled, it was Obama's attackers who looked worse, not Obama. I called it that way last spring, and it stayed that way during the general election too.

Becoming the Story

But that wasn't luck. It wasn't a media fix. It's that his people knew how to handle an attack. While the Clintons always tried to take the attack head-on and knock the attacker on his ass, Obama would roll with the attack and get back on message. It wasn't about defeating the attacker, it was about getting back on-message. And that made all the difference.

And a prime example of how NOT to handle an attack is what Sarah Palin's people are doing. After the story settles, she's still wanting to defend herself. Hell, she's still trying to fight back the $150k clothing story that nobody cares about anymore. Sorry lady, but you lost that one. And every time you open your mouth about it, you compound the loss. That's just how it works. And I'm sure it'd suck, but in politics, if you lose the attack, you just have to cut your losses and move on. But there is no unlosing a battle. Once you lose, you have to move on. That's all there is to it. And every time you mention the story, you're just doing your enemies work for them. Remember, the whole point of the attack is to get you to stop attacking and off-message. And if your defense just reminds folks of the attack, all the worse it is for you.

And again, that's just how it works. If Palin is still on the national scene in 2012, nobody is going to vote against her because she wore expensive clothes. Nobody's going to care if her handlers mishandled her. It won't matter whether people blame her or McCain for the loss. What matters is if she can convince people that she's a competent choice for president and if she's got a good reason for people to vote for her. And all these other issues are going to be what her opponents toss at her, as a way of preventing her from making her case. And so far, it doesn't look like she'll do that. I'd never give her good odds of winning the GOP nomination, which is currently Romney's to lose. But her odds just keep going down the longer she keeps reliving the last election.

Obama won because he was so damn good at being the story. It was always about avoiding controversy and telling people what he was going to do for them. And if that meant he had to toss a few people "under the bus" (Wright, Clark, and that one foreign policy advisor lady whose name I can't remember), so be it. They became the story and he shed them instantly. I'm sure cutting their losses was part of their Standard Operating Procedure and required no debate. Don't be the story. Don't defend people who become the story. Don't even allow stories about whether or not you're defending someone, as it'll look like weakness if you finally change your mind and toss them. Just toss them overboard and move on.

Many liberals were quite angry when Obama tossed out Wes Clark and the foreign policy lady, because they thought it showed weakness and would hurt him. But by election day, even they stopped caring about these people. Obama amputated the controversy before it could spread to the campaign and didn't miss a beat before getting back on message. That's how it's done, people. It's not about defending yourself against attacks, or knocking your attackers back on their heels, or proving how strong you are. It's about not letting the attacks freak you out. It's rarely the attack that gets you. It's the story about the attack. And the longer you keep fighting the attack or the attackers, the longer you'll see stories about the attack. And that's what you were supposed to avoid in the first place. Don't be the story.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Nixon-Agnew 2008

From Bill Ayers' column on being smeared by the McCainiacs;
The police lieutenant who came to copy down those threats deadpanned that he hoped the guy who was going to shoot me got there before the guy who was going to water-board me, since it would be most foul to be tortured and then shot.

And wow, reading that, it makes me want to pal around with both Ayers and the cop who said it. But the whole attack on Ayers was absurd and I'm glad he has a sense of humor about the whole thing. And for as much as the attacks were vile, they were idiotic for the very reasons Ayers pointed out. The 60's are over. For a lot of people, the 60's are nothing but a mythical creation of the past. But they don't hold a real bond or message anymore. Even for the people who were there, it was forty years ago. Focusing on the events of 1968 to guide us is like people in that year focusing on the events of 1928 to guide them. It's absurd. It's laughable. It's stupid. And it was a large part of McCain's argument for why he should be president. What an idiot!

And the worst part for McCain wasn't that it made him look like somebody living in the past, but that it was the best he had and it was absurd. If they had anything better, they would have used it. But they didn't have a terrorist past of Obama's to attack. Or an association with active terrorists. No, they had a weak association with a respectable professor who did bad things before I was born. And that's the best attack they had. But the worst part is that the accusation against Obama just sounded stupid. The accusation was so startling, few would believe such a thing. And by the time you've explained the whole thing, it still sounds stupid. It's one thing to make a believable accusation that falls apart under investigation, but the Ayers attacks were giant turds from start to finish. The only people who could believe it were the ones who were desperate to find some rational reason for opposing Obama. But it wouldn't convert a nonbeliever.

And I tried to explain this to the folks at RedState a few times, before they cut-off my account, but they just didn't understand. But they should have. It wasn't difficult. Because, for as much as they felt it was unbelievable that a dude who "pals" around with terrorists could win the presidency, it was unbelievable. It was just a dumb attack and they should have gone with something new. But McCain's campaign was always mired in the same past his base was stuck in, so the whole thing sounded genius to them. It's not that John McCain or conservatives are stuck in 1968, it's just that they haven't learned any new tricks since then. And all those scary hippies just don't look so scary anymore.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Palling Around With Terrorists

I just paled around with some terrorists. It really wasn't as much fun as I had been led to believe. Just a bunch of "Death to America" and "Let's get back to traditional Islamic family values" stuff. I even busted out the Wii at one point, but they all kind of stared at me like I was a big annoyance, and the pork fajitas really weren't as big of a hit as I had imagined they'd be. I'm really not sure if I'm even going to invite them back, as they all seemed to have real bad attitude problems. Like they were angry all the time. Weird. But still, now that I learned that the American voters won't hold it against me for palling with terrorists, I thought i should at least try it now and again.

And who knows, maybe I just got a bad bunch of terrorists, but none of these guys really seemed like the guys I could ever be "pals" with. Associates, maybe. But never pals. I guess the fact that Obama could bond better with these sorts of people is why he's presidential material, and all I've got is this stupid blog. Geez, I hope the Marxists I invited over to watch football with tomorrow at least bring their own chips.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Palin Derangement Syndrome

I wrote recently about the Palinocentrists, who have now made love of Sarah Palin as their new litmus test for who is and isn't a "true" conservative; and now that the election is over, it looks like McCain and his handlers are now off of their Christmas card list. Hot Air's Allahpundit suggests that this is "a sign that Maverick’s headed back to the center." But of course, if McCain was smart, he never would have left there to begin with. And at this point, I'm not sure the center wants him anymore.

Because the wingnuts are still totally in love with Sarah Palin. She reaffirms everything they believe in, and in a world that continues to marginalize these freaks more every day, that must really help. Conservatives never had a majority, but there have been times when reality gave them enough support for Republicans that they could imagine they were finally popular. But they never were.

And the more conservatives insist on taking over the Republican Party, the less popular Republicans will be. It just took awhile for the moderates to realize they weren't wanted anymore.

Getting Redder

And it's sad to see that the nuts are still holding on to some delusion that Palin helped, rather than hurt them. In Michelle Malkin's mind, Palin was a plus because "She energized tens of thousands to come out who would have otherwise stayed home." But what good did that do? What state stayed red because of Sarah Palin? They lost a buttload of red states and were close to losing a few more. Who do they think Palin saved? Alabama? Did they think Mississippi was going to flip without Palin's help? And hey, Obama didn't get Guam, so that's something, isn't it?

And that's the thing, her appeal only worked for the hardcore reddies. But of course, that's who McCain was told to woo, too. That's why he picked her. And that was a horrible, horrible mistake. And I predicted this back when McCain first won the nomination. I knew that McCain would get stuck trying to keep the base in line, and that this would be his downfall. He'd never be able to reach out to the moderates or independents, because he would be too busy throwing red meat to the right. And the more they clamored for meat, the crazier he'd get. And that's exactly what happened.

And now it looks like the red meat being thrown out is McCain's hide, and it's Palin doing the tossing. And I'm all for that. For as much as it was funny watching Carl Cameron dish out the dirt on Palin, it was even funnier to see how he wasn't actually sure which side he should take on this. I mean, Palin is the future of the Republican Party, but that future is a sad one of ever-increasing obscurity.

For as much as they insist that Democrats have become enslaved by the loony left, it's obvious that the Republicans have been captured by the rabid right, and now that they've got their claws in them, they want to drag the party down into the swamp where they live. It will be their creature, their comfort. But that's just because nobody wants the damn thing anymore. They broke it.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

The Coalition of the Cynical Liberals

Two of the most important rules to being a true conservative is that you can never be too conservative or hate liberals too much; but of course, being "conservative" really just means someone who hates liberals, so I'm being redundant .  And a subset of that rule is that you must believe that the only reason a Republican can ever lose an election is if they violate this rule.  You could have every conservative in the country vote for you, but if you lost, it was because you weren't conservative enough or didn't attack your liberal opponent enough.

And it's sad to say, but there are far too many liberals who are the mirror image of that.  Unless a Democrat is out on the stump demanding the impeachment and imprisonment of every Republican who's ever held office, they're a traitor who has sold us out.  But of course, the key difference from conservatives is that the liberal equivalent knows that this is the surest way to lose, as the Powers That Be will never allow such a candidate to succeed.  So while conservativism can never fail, liberalism can never be allowed to succeed.  And both sides know that the Establishment is in the pocket of the other side.

But all the same, these savvy cynics expect every politician to follow their lead, and until that happens, we'll keep getting sold the same bill of goods every time.  It's like they believe that people will elect any Democrat who gets the nomination, and hate the fact that moderates keep getting the nomination.  Somehow, it never seems to occur to them why that is, or that perhaps the reason their candidates can't get the nomination is the same reason they'd get trounced in the General Election.

Obama's Already Sold Us Out

And so now that Obama has won, these savvy cynics are pouring out of the woodwork to rub it in our faces that Obama will sell us out.  I have no idea how they know this, as they've dropped no hints that would suggest they have ESP or a time machine; but they're quite confident that it's going to happen.  Some of them even insist that Obama's supporters will be quite angry at him if he betrays them, and you'd think that Obama would know that more than anyone and that this would be a reason he wouldn't sell us out; but somehow, that sort of logic eludes them.

And the primary thing that they point to as their "proof" that Obama will sell us out is because he keeps talking about being bipartisan and reaching across the aisle.  And even worse, he actually says nice things about McCain and other Republicans.  And to these progressive-types, that's the worst sin possible.  We're in an epic struggle, we're told, and before Policy One is ever discussed, the line in the sand must be drawn: No matter what happens, Republicans must be attacked first, last, and always.  It's the only way we can get anything done.

And the problem is that, because they're so cynical about everything, they don't expect for politicians to get anything done.  And so they don't care about having a strategy that might actually get something done.  In fact, one of the key signs you're dealing with such a person is that they always tell you how Republicans or traitor Dems are going to undermine us, without ever explaining what we should do to stop it.  But in fact, the savvy cynic knows that nothing can be done, but to sit back and lament on how they had prophesied the whole thing.  

Fighting to Fight

But of course, it was all a self-fulfilling prophesy.  If any compromise is a bad compromise and compromise is the only way to get things done, then nothing will get done.  And that's exactly what they want.  While they lament about not getting everything they want, it all just comes around to their insistence that we need to fight.  And again, this is why Republicans failed, because they were beholden to a conservative movement that thinks the same way: Compromise is never permitted because it's the first sign of surrender.

For example, they'd rather see no healthcare plan than a compromised one, as they somehow imagine that they'll be more likely to get the Perfect Healthcare Plan if they hold out longer.  But of course, Republicans know better.  They know that once you establish the idea that an entitlement is a good thing by creating it, it's just a matter of time until it gets expanded upon enough that people will always expect it.  That's what happened with the Medicare prescription drug plan.  They were hoping for a cheapie election gimmick and actually ended up with a halfway decent plan that cost a fortune.

And that's why conservatives oppose all of these sort of entitlements on principle: Once it's established that the government can solve problems, people will expect it to solve more problems.  That's also why they work so hard to break government.  But rather than understanding any of this, the savvy cynic insists that we need to have the Perfect Policy at all times.  Unless they get every demand met, they'll know they were sold down the river.

Even during the Dem primary, because Hillary's healthcare plan was seen as being superior to Obama's, Obama was an unacceptable appeaser who couldn't win the election.  No talk is actually given to whose plan has a better chance at passing, or if Hillary's plan might have had political weaknesses that could have hurt her in the General Election.  No, these people were acting as if these two plans would be enacted the day after the election, and if Obama won, people would suffer forever and there could be no room for improvement ever.  It all came down to that.

Getting Things Done

But again, they don't even like the discussion of how things are actually supposed to get done.  For as savvy and cynical as they imagine themselves to be, they never actually worry about real world discussions of how bills become laws.  As if such talk is beneath them.  But of course, the real reason they can't discuss it is because it undermines everything they're saying.  If you're actually concerned with getting a healthcare plan passed, it really doesn't help if you're spending all your time denouncing Republicans.  Especially as it lowers you to their level and makes their antics seem less shocking.  

One big reason Obama did so well is because he didn't join the mudfight that Hillary had been promising us.  Instead, he let McCain throw all the mud he wanted and sat back as all the mud just fell back on McCain.  And it never occurs to them that it might be easier for Obama to get things done if he pays lip service to bipartisanship and reaching across the aisle.  And they don't trust Republicans at all and see them as a monolithic group that can't be negotiated with, and see no reason to not burn every bridge they see.  And if you even suggest that it's possible to work with a Republican, then you're a naive moron who deserves their scorn.  If you suggest that any Republican might side with us, they'll insist that every Republican is Rush Limbaugh and that they'll always attack us, and that you're a fool for not knowing this.

And really, that's what it's all about with these people.  Scorn, hatred, attacks, and savvy cynicism.  It's all about them being smarter than you and being too cool to actually care about a politician.  They've been burned in the past and that means they'll always be burned, and if you don't already know that, than you're just another fool who they'll laugh at when they're finally proven right.  They'll stick with Ralph Nader, who has never lowered himself to the level that he actually became a viable option.  They're much too cynical and reality-based to support a reality-based politician.  Only fools support anyone who could actually win.  And when they lose, they'll just chalk it up to being proven right, yet again.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Doctor Biobrain Was Right

Yet again, I was right.  I was proved fucking right.  And what thanks do I get?  Not a damn thing.  I predicted this victory back in January, after Obama's win in Iowa, and firmly believed this is how things would go down.  But nothing.  Nobody cares about poor Doctor Biobrain. 

And so it's on to RedState, and I've got to tell you, I think I now have a new favorite RedStater.  Sure, Moe Lane has the cool name and the huge inferiority complex.  But I now think I've got to go with Dan "Puttin' the Laugh In" McLaughlin as my new favorite.  Not only has he been a perennial favorite here at Biobrain's Response, but his latest call to action after admitting McCain's defeat in the election was simply stellar.

The problem for McCain was always that the Republican agenda was all talk and no action.  It was just a bunch of feelgood rhetoric that had no actual basis in reality.  It was all about Family Values, Preserving America, and preventing the gays from getting "special" rights.  It was a Smoke & Mirrors campaign that was heavier on the smoke than the mirrors.  And while that was absolutely great at winning elections, it totally sucked ass in the Getting Things Done department.  

And so, they didn't get shit done.  And after many years of controlling Congress and then the Whitehouse, people finally realized that Republicans just weren't getting shit done.  it was all a bunch of empty hoohaw, and voters just weren't going to take it anymore.  And so, in short, McCain's problem was that he was the Republican candidate in the year that people realized the Republicans were totally full of shit.  This wasn't Bush's fault or McCain's.  This wasn't just about the war, or the financial crisis, or healthcare, or any of the other issues most folks keep citing as the reason McCain lost.  It was the whole kit and caboodle.  

It was Republicanism they rejected, and in turn, the empty conservatism the Republicans used as the basis for their empty rhetoric.  The empty rhetoric that appealed to these fools.  John McCain didn't lose this election.  Republicans lost this election.  And we always knew this.  President Bush was a symbol of Republicans and conservatives; he wasn't their downfall.  He fell because they all fell.

Conservatism Never Fails

And so what else would Dan McLaughlin write about, than to suggest that, once again, conservatism was failed?  Because that's what he imagines the problem was.  In his reality, McCain was a moderate that somehow failed to connect with moderates because he wasn't a far-right conservative.  And no, that doesn't really make sense to me either.  In fact, that makes the opposite of sense to me.  To me, you use a moderate to win moderate voters.  But to McLaughlin, moderates will only vote for far-right conservatives.  And again, that doesn't really make sense to me either.

And of course, Dan's problem is that conservatives were told to believe that Obama was a far-left liberal Marxist Muslim.  And in the conservative world, it somehow makes sense that extremists appeal to moderates by being fringy.  But in the real world, Obama was a centrist-liberal who appealed to everyone by being centrist-liberal.  And McCain helped with this because he kept trying to appeal to the base that Dan suggests was somehow crucial to McCain's win.  In other words, McCain gave Obama the audience he needed, as a way of appealing to the McLaughlins that McCain already had.

And look, McLaughlin's argument makes no sense at all.  He's suggesting that McCain lost because he was a moderate who only won the base states.  But if it was his moderateness that lost the election, he should have won the moderate states and lost the base states.  But he didn't.  He won the states he was expected to win, and lost a few moderate states that he should have won.  Why?  Because he kept trying to appeal to the people who were already going to vote for him: Dan's people.

In other words, McCain wasted all his time appealing to the people McLaughlin wanted him to appeal to, while ignoring everyone else.  And he suffered egregiously for this.  And what's McLaughlin's solution?  More cowbell.  Seriously, these guys couldn't be worse parodies if they tried.  They were McCain's doom, while believing that McCain needed to use them more.  I just wish they had.

Meanwhile, I'm drunk off my ass because the Dems finally did what I've always thought they should do, and they had a HUGE victory.  The type of game changing victory that won't even be understood for generations to come.  And what thanks do I get for having totally predicted this?  Nothing.  Doctor Biobrain gets nothing.  I predicted all of this, and all I get is bragging rights.  Hardly sufficient.  I expect restitution.  I fought a whole lot of damn assholes who insisted that Obama couldn't win, and he ends up with the big victory I predicted all along.  Bigger than the Big Dog got.  And for this, I get ignored.  

But at least I got drunk. That's something.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Reagan Wins!!! Reagan Wins!!!

Reagan always wins.  

And in other election news, my big turkey dinner is almost ready and smells quite delicious, but I'm saving the champagne for later.  More as things develop.

Update: The Biobrain Election Central statisticians just called Guam for Obama.  That's right, Guam's zero electoral votes go in the Obama column.

Later Update: The latest exit polls show that Old Europe has gone decisively for Obama, 65-35.  Those 35-percenters are being rounded up and shot as we speak.  No word yet from New Europe.  I'll keep you posted.

Latest Update: New Europe has been rounded up and shot.

John Galt the Plumber

Just because I like the sound of my own writing so much, I think I'll repost two comments I wrote elsewhere.

Roy at Alicublog cites an absurdist post by Instapundit, where Insty posts reader comments sent to him by people who insist that they're going to "go John Galt" and start producing less of whatever it is they do if Obama gets his tax proposal passed next year; and might even leave the country if some saavy tax haven lures them to a conservative paradise. Apparently, 3% extra in tax completely removes any profit motive in these people, and several of them say they have already started scaling back their business, just in case. And so I decided to write my own sad story:

Well, I was about to buy my boss's horseshit factory, which employs fifteen million people and accounts for over 13% of all tax revenues, but after having discussed Obama's tax proposal with him the other day, we both decided it was best to just burn the factory down with all the employees inside and become invisible bank robbers like we were during the 90's. We'll just have to get accustomed again to living frugally, like we used to do; using nail clippings for razor blades and paperclips for clothes. We save all our loose hairs in a jar, just in case, and can only go out after dark. Thanks Obama! This is what you drove us to.

And believe it or not, that's a true story and horseshit factories really are more profitable than they're usually given credit for. And over at Bagnews, we find some more analysis of Joe the Plumber, in which Bagnews writes of Joe's "righteous superiority that is off-the-charts." And naturally, I had to defend Joe, writing:

"Righteous superiority"?? This is Joe the Plumber we're talking about here, so quit your elitist claptrap and bow down to the man who got Obama tap dancing on his doorstep like a black Fred Astaire. And sure, it's easy for you to act all high & mighty, but poor Joe was about to buy a million-dollar business and begin his ascent out of the pipes and into the American Dream...before it was dashed forever by The One's socialistic rise up Bill Ayers' pantskirt in his fevered quest to destroy America and everything holy.

And sure, some people may say that Mr. the Plumber actually benefits from Obama's Marxist tax fantasies, but only if he stays poor and downtrodden. And now that Obama has forever put ownership of a multi-million dollar plumbing business out of Joe's reach, the paltry welfare he'll receive in return will be but cold ashes to Joe's insatiable skinhead desires. Joe could have been a great businessman, perhaps with a few underpaid Joes of his own on the payroll, but now all he can be is a spokesman for the very people you mock with your very existence. So bravo, Mr. Bagnews. Bravo. You may have taken Joe down a peg, but with him, you have taken down every man that Joe represents: The American Workingman. I hope you're proud of yourself. I hope you're really proud.

And on a final note, I'd just like to mention that it didn't go unnoticed that TPM essentially stole my Election Day prediction, even if they did add a decimal point to hide the fact. Oh, and not that I wanted to jinx anything, but I assure you that I not only have a bottle of champagne waiting for tomorrow (today), but plan on eating a big ol' New Year's style turkey dinner, complete with the black eyed peas for good luck. Out with the old, in with the new, don't ya know.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Stealing Elections, One Vote at a Time

Uh oh, guys. It looks like RedState has finally caught on to our big plan to steal the election. That's right. They've uncovered our plot to use Comrade Farah Minwalla, our "field organizer" in North Carolina, to vote in North Carolina and thus throw the state in our favor. How they figured it out, I'll never know. But this one vote was absolutely crucial for us to win the state. It looks like NC's going into the loss column yet again.

And if they're on to this one, they might also uncover our plans to use Comrade Hasballaw in Pennsylvania, Comrade Biers in Ohio, and Comrade Biobrain (no relation) in Florida. And with RedState fast on our trail, I don't think we can take any chances. I am making an immediate order for all agents to withdrawal from their safehouses and head back to our Soviet enclave in Kenya to await further orders. It looks like 2008 was a bust, but if we get moving now, we can get each of these "voters" registered in these same states in time for 2012, with new identities, of course.

Remember, one vote can make the difference. When we lose all four of these swing states on Election Day by one vote each, we'll know that this is due entirely to those meddling RedStaters. Foiled again!

Sad Days at RedState

Sad days indeed at RedState. You've got RedState founder Erick Erickson whining because he made a reality-based prediction that Obama would win and is now being attacked by his own for demoralizing the team by not hyping empty propaganda. You've got Dan McLaughlin dusting off the Winston Churchill quotes to tell them to never give up and never surrender. And here's Dan again, having given up on the idea that McCain can win and predicting that, with Obama in the Whitehouse, we'll finally uncover the nasty revelations about Obama's past that they've been using as their basis for hating Obama all these months.

And it's really kind of sad. As I've suggested before, they never liked McCain and went into this thinking it was already a dud election. And then Palin came in and jazzed things up, and they got enthusiastic with the idea that the Republicans were finally listening to them. After all, they've always "known" that conservativism is truth and that everything would work out, if only everyone did what they said. But now it looks like the election was a dud after all, and while they recite their mantra that Palin was mishandled and that the attacks on Ayers and Wright weren't made strongly enough, everyone else knows these were the straws that broke the camel's back.

And so here they are, with their internal squabbles about whether they should stand firm in their propagandic thinking, or if it's finally time to admit reality. And while it was always apparent that they never really had the dirt on Obama that they pretended they had, they still refuse to admit it and are now beginning to relish the idea that they'll get to attack Obama for the next four years. And really, I'm sure that that's what they really wanted anyway. Even their love for Bush was really just a form of liberal-bashing and now they've got nothing to hold them back.

Whitewaters Forevah!

And like sleepy little kids on Christmas Eve, they're already fantasizing about how much fun it will be when they're finally proven right about what they always knew would be uncovered about the dreaded Barack Obama. And while I'm sure they'll pretend to relish each "revelation" that Limbaugh and his RNC overlords feed them, I'm equally sure that they won't be satisfied until Obama is impeached, tossed from office, and imprisoned.

They've made quite a feast for themselves with the slim pickings they got to attack Obama with, but that just made them all the hungrier. In that post, Dan even goes on to rehash the stuff that Clinton got exonerated on, and we can rest assured it will be the same with Obama. Every molehill will be a mountain and every decision Obama makes will be part of the destruction of America. And the more Obama gets away with it, the more frustrated they'll get. The RNC has got them stuck on a high-carb diet with absolutely no substance and it's driving their blood sugar wild.

This is just the beginning. But fortunately, after sixteen years of this crap, the right's loony ramblings will only appear more loony than ever. Over the next eight years, the Republicans will prove to us how unwise it is to keep running the same play all the time. It's my prediction that the wingnuts will assure that Obama gets another landslide like the one they gave him this time. Conservatives have proven that they're all talk and mudslinging, and the more they talk, the deeper they'll sink in the mud.

Election Prediction 2008

I've been saying for quite a few months that it was quite possible that McCain would hit about 45% of the vote on Election Day, and I think I'll just go with that as my Election Day prediction. And just to make it official, I'll give it as McCain 45%, Obama 52%; though those specific numbers were just pulled from my ass as I was typing. And it'll all go down in history as a decent-sized landslide. And while I used that 45% number repeatedly in comments at other blogs, I just thought I'd share with you excerpts from the two posts I used it on here.

From June 7, 2008:
The Year of Obama

But instead, we got Obama. And this is going to be a picnic with Obama, because he's the product we really wanted. He's the fuel efficient car during times of rising gas prices and the comfortable shorts during a hot summer. And while he's a great communicator who can sell his position well, it's not necessary; he sells himself. Because he's what we've wanted the whole time. And while he would have been great in 2000 or 2004, he's best of all in 2008 when everyone hates Bush. And it's obvious that even McCain realizes this. His ads emphasize how bad war is and how serious our problems are. As Carpetbagger mentioned, McCain used the word "change" 33 times in his greenscreen speech.
And these products aren't the same at all. McCain's trying to jam an obsolete PC inside a cool new iMac without understanding that it just won't fit at all. Particularly not when there's about 30% of the population that still demands the previous version of the obsolete PC. I'm honestly wondering if McCain's going to end up pissing off everyone. I should add to all this that I find it extremely unlikely that McCain could get less than 40% of the vote in November. But even 45% would be an Obama landslide, and I think that's quite possible.

From August 5, 2008:
Obama Doom Mongering

As we speak, many of McCain’s media admirers are already admitting on television that he’s running a dirty campaign that embarrasses them. It won’t be too much longer until they realize this is the “real” John McCain and that they had been duped. And I predicted this months ago. August is a long month in presidential politics, and if they’re already bad mouthing his attacks now, he’ll be totally screwed by October, which is when most voters really start paying attention.

And hey, we’ll never win everyone over. People just aren’t like that. Your crazy uncle will still keep accepting those insane Obama-bashing emails as gospel truth, and it’s almost impossible that McCain will get less than 40% of the electorate, and he’s likely to get more than 45%. But 45% is a trouncing in presidential politics. We don’t need to convince everyone. Karl Rove will never admit that Obama is in a far superior political position. In real life, bad guys rarely ever confess. McCain will not throw in the towel.

And just so you know, I realize that it ain't truly over until that fat lady sings. I just wanted to make sure that my prediction was on record, just so I can give the obligatory "I told you so" late Tuesday night; assuming my prediction is accurate. But of course, I was predicting this back in January and wouldn't have backed Obama if I didn't see this coming. I really do believe he's the best presidential candidate we've had in my lifetime, and I think he'll make the best president too.

But of course, his victory will really only be the beginning. The rabid McCain-Palin supporters never really gave a rat's ass about either of them, and were only using them to mask their hatred of Obama. And with an Obama victory, the real battle begins. Game on!