Monday, November 03, 2008

Stealing Elections, One Vote at a Time

Uh oh, guys. It looks like RedState has finally caught on to our big plan to steal the election. That's right. They've uncovered our plot to use Comrade Farah Minwalla, our "field organizer" in North Carolina, to vote in North Carolina and thus throw the state in our favor. How they figured it out, I'll never know. But this one vote was absolutely crucial for us to win the state. It looks like NC's going into the loss column yet again.

And if they're on to this one, they might also uncover our plans to use Comrade Hasballaw in Pennsylvania, Comrade Biers in Ohio, and Comrade Biobrain (no relation) in Florida. And with RedState fast on our trail, I don't think we can take any chances. I am making an immediate order for all agents to withdrawal from their safehouses and head back to our Soviet enclave in Kenya to await further orders. It looks like 2008 was a bust, but if we get moving now, we can get each of these "voters" registered in these same states in time for 2012, with new identities, of course.

Remember, one vote can make the difference. When we lose all four of these swing states on Election Day by one vote each, we'll know that this is due entirely to those meddling RedStaters. Foiled again!

4 comments:

Broadway Carl said...

So Farah Minwalla is registered to vote in three states? Was her master plan to vote in New York, then fly down to North Carolina, cast her vote for Obama and then hop another flight to Nevada to cast a third vote? Now that's putting one over on them.

If Obama wins NC by one vote, I'll be impressed.

John in Texas said...

Your comments convey your Liberal smug attitude. The difference between a Conservative and a Liberal is that a Conservative believes that the law should be obeyed and regardless of party affiliation the people who break the law should be prosecuted. Did it occur to you that if one person is registering and voting more than once that there could be more people doing the same? And if they are so brazen to register in more than one locale who is to say that they won't try to get other people to vote using the fake registrations that they completed.

Anonymous said...

Fraud is fraud.
And yes, every vote does matter.
When someone votes twice they effectively disenfranchise a legitimate voter. In other words, they steal the impact of another citizen's voice in government.

Voting is a zero-sum game: one vote, one person. Those who act as apologists for such subversions of the very ideal of democracy, or seek to minimize their importance, clearly reveal the character of their own principles.

Shame.

Doctor Biobrain said...

John & Anonymous - Do you unregister to vote every time you move? I never have. Last time I checked, I was registered at three different addresses in my county, and also in a different city. But all the same, I've only voted once in each election. Nobody has any evidence to suggest that this person voted more than once and there's nothing particularly weird about being registered at more than one address.

Secondly, no, every vote does NOT matter. If you look at the vote totals, you'll see that one vote wouldn't have made a difference. Moreover, it would take THOUSANDS of people to vote multiple times to make any sort of real difference. The idea of such a crime being done on the massive scale necessary to make a difference is entirely absurd. It's just not happening. A much bigger issue is fraud by election officials, particularly ones who wrongly remove voters from the voter list.

And just so you know, I never suggested that it's ok for anyone to vote more than once and am perfectly happy with such people being prosecuted for voter fraud. My point was how absurd it is to believe that this one person could somehow steal the election. In North Carolina alone, had one thousand people voted ten times each, it STILL wouldn't have made a difference in this election. And it would have been even more pointless had she voted in Nevada or New York; as both those states were blow-outs. Sorry to say it, but one vote doesn't make a difference.