Monday, November 17, 2008

Gays Make Me Gay

I've got shocking news for all my loyal Biobrain readers: I've gone gay.  That's right, I've finally succumbed to the Gay Fascists and have traded in Mrs. Biobrain for Mr. Biobrain.  I didn't want to, and until earlier today, had never even given the idea much thought at all.  But after the latest round of protests of California's Proposition 8, it just happened.  I'm gay.  Not only that, but I'm gay married; and in Texas, no less, which makes it totally illegal.

And who do I have to thank for this?  The Gay Fascists who have made it their life's work to destroy the fabric of our society and realized decades ago that the best way to do this would be to become homosexuals.  Where communism and rock music failed, homosexualism marches on.  And it was obvious that this was the best way to go.  How could we possibly hold out against their superior fashion sense and flashy discotheques?  Oh, and their shoes: To die for.

And so this is the end, dear readers.  How can I possibly continue blogging now that my entire world has been up-ended?  Everything is different now.  I prefer the ballet over football, and have exchanged hotdogs for butt sausages.  And there's just no way I can possibly write for such a generic looking blog.  It doesn't even have retro appeal to it.  It's just so...blah.

No, as we all know, once teh gay enters the scene, everything is different.  Everything.  And that includes my politics.  I'm now a Log Cabin Republican, just so I can get screwed every four years by dorks in tacky suits who only want me for my money, but talk trash about me to all their roughneck friends after I leave.  And my children have become unicorns; and not even the nice ones you see in fairy tales, but the pervert ones that always dress in leather and have those nasty mustaches.  And instead of pancakes on the weekend, I'll eat blintzes with cream cheese in them.  Jesus, will the horrors never end?  

And all because the gays want to destroy our nation.  Thanks, fascists.  Your existence has ruined my life.  I didn't want to go gay.  The gayness made me do it.

Update: I've just been informed by a very reliable source that Mrs. Biobrain is, in fact, still a girl and I still have no fashion sense.  So you can just ignore everything I just wrote and assume I'll be eating pancakes and hotdogs this weekend.  I guess the Gay Menace isn't as mighty as I had been led to believe.  My children are still perverted unicorns, however, so I really might want to do something about that.


ronny said...

brioban, you ARE a homosexualist.

Disgusting, like the rest of the demoncraps.

Doctor Biobrain said...

Brioban?? That doesn't even make sense. If you want, Doctor Biobutt seems to be a popular choice. It's a bit third-grade, I know, but the classics never really go out of style. I would also accept Doctor Nobrain or Doctor Cryobrain, which could either mean that my brain is frozen or that perhaps I just cry a lot.

BTW, we prefer the term "heterosexually challenged," thank you very much. Homosexualist just sounds so perverted.

Bob said...

d'oh! we almost had you.
That was some courageous soul searching "brioban." Just you wait...
Um, now that you mention it, I'm not really gay either. hmm.
Try this:

Bob said...
or maybe that