Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Crazies Running the Crazy House

Conservatives have always been ridiculous people and they only keep getting more ridiculous over time.  But this isn't a some coincidental defect that happens to be hitting them right now.  It's an inherent side effect of their political choices and it will only get worse.

And it basically works like this: A relationship can't stagnate.  Either it's growing or it's shrinking.  And to make it grow, you have to keep giving more and more of whatever it is that they need.  With any luck, the person/people you're in a relationship with are normal healthy people with normal healthy needs.  Conversely, you might be in love with a freak.  And if that's the case, you basically have two options: You either end the relationship or you're stuck getting freakier and freakier.

And basically, that's the position Republicans have found themselves in.  During the 90's, they cultivated an alternate reality that culminated in the embarrassing impeachment of President Clinton.  9/11 came along and basically freaked people out enough that the alternate reality could hide within the scary reality of the real one.  But that only encouraged them and they just doubled-down on the crazy train they'd been riding the whole time.  And now that conservatives have seen themselves rejected in two successive elections, all they can do is burrow further into the crazy and hope they can convince a majority of Americans to follow them.  

And they've had to up the ante on their nuttiness so far that the next natural step was just to allow the crazies themselves to take over the train.  We've got endless streams of congressmen fighting over the title Biggest Whackjob.  John McCain, who was considered the most sensible politician that the crazies didn't hate, was forced by the crazies to pick an unqualified crazy as his running mate.  And lifelong conservatives like Bill Kristol, Charles Krauthammer, and Peggy Noonan are now considered "moderates" because they don't repeat enough of the crazy.

Joe the Reporter

And now, Samuel "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher, the craziest spokesman McCain would trust has been sent to Israel as a "reporter."  As if the poor bastards didn't have enough problems right now.  And what does he report?  What else: Reporters suck.
"I think the military should decide what information to give the media and then the media can release it to the public. I don't believe they need to be in the front lines with soldiers, I don't believe they need to, uh, you know, be bothering the military for information or for access to certain areas."
And the thing is, for as much as this is standard belief by too many conservatives, they're not supposed to actually say it publicly.  Sure, all the crazies believe that the only proper function for the media is to report conservative propaganda, which is why their hatred of totalitarian governments is such a laugh.  But the public face of conservativism just isn't supposed to admit to this.  In public, conservatives were supposed to pretend to be fair-minded about all this, or at least pretend that the whole thing was a lark, done for entertainment value (that's Limbaugh's excuse, anyway.)

But that's just how far they've fallen.  More and more, conservatives can't even pretend to be sane anymore.  To even feign sanity in the national spotlight is to betray the cause.  These people have fallen so far down the rabbit hole that they refuse to acknowledge that they're even in a hole at all.  Instead, they pretend they're having a day at the beach and insist that the water is safe for everyone to jump in.

Joe the Reality Show

As for Joe, I think they should think about expanding his job as professional role model beyond journalism. For example, giving him a job as a brain surgeon, so he can tell doctors that they shouldn't be cutting into people's heads. And being a lawyer who doesn't show up to court. An athlete who doesn't train. A hooker who refuses to have sex. A fireman who doesn't put out fires. A cowboy who hates animals.

It could be a reality show. Each week he takes a different job that he refuses to do while chastising other people in that field for doing their job. I really think it'd work and would at least be better than giving Paris Hilton yet another reality show. People would tune in to laugh at this clown as he showed his complete ignorance about everything while acting superior to everyone. How else to compensate for Bushie withdrawal now that we won't be hearing as much from them anymore?

And he could have incompetent conservative guest stars, like Sarah Palin and George Bush come on and show how they'd apply their own particular brand of incompetence in these various jobs.  Sarah Palin, for example, could brag about what a great job she did building a house that she had obviously just finished burning down, while George Bush could do a few photo-ops showing him operating on a dog while Dick Cheney uses "harsh interrogation" techniques on the veterinarian until he admits that he invented rabies.  

I really think we'd have a ratings winner here and most of all, it'd satisfy the crazies.  They don't really care about politics anyway.  They just want outside confirmation that they're not the only crazy ones out there.  And while they might not be the only ones, I'm glad to say that their numbers are dwindling.

1 comment:

Rik Surreal said...

I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night and tomorrow I'm going to the Gaza strip as a diplomat representing the United Nations. Peace is imminent!