The Big News

I just got some great great news from my presidential exploratory committee, I mean really fantastic stuff. As you all know, my presidential exploratory committee's exploratory committee decided some time ago to give the go ahead on forming an exploratory committee to do the groundwork in determining if I should run for president. And we've got their announcement tentatively scheduled to be made at midnight on November 3 announcing that I am, in fact, running for president. That way, we've got a sort of November Surprise that saps all the news coverage in our favor right before the election. At the same time, we're filing an injunction against the Republican and Democratic parties using the all-powerful RICO laws in order to pushback the election to the time of our choosing. Of course, I can't have any of you blabbing this about, or it'll ruin the surprise. But needless to say, this will definitely be giving us the Big Mo we'll need to win in December.

But as it turns out, because we had this big plan already laid out, that really didn't give much for my presidential exploratory committee to do. I mean, I wouldn't have bothered with all this if I hadn't expected to be crowned elected president by the end of it all. So this kind of left them with a lot of freetime on their hands, and holy shit did they make the most of their time. So I'm now proud to announce that Barack Obama has agreed to be my running mate and will soon be the next Vice President of the United States of America.

That's right, my people rang up Barack on his cellphone (it's a listed number) and discovered that he was a bit freaked-out at the idea that he actually won the nomination and was hoping for some kind of easy out. It turns out he was only in it for the chicks and hadn't realized anyone would take him seriously. And so not only has Mr. Obama hopped on the Biobrain BioTrain, but he's also promised me all his delegates. So guess what guys, I'M GOING TO BE PRESIDENT!!! Woohoo! Overnight stays in the Lincoln bedroom will be issued on a first come, first serve basis, so you better leave your reservation requests here in the comments section. See you in D.C.!!!