McCain's VP Debacle

Carpetbagger's got a post mocking the idea of McCain picking Bobby "The Exorcist" Jindal as his VP choice, highlighting Jindal's moronic idea of allowing students to decide which scientific facts are the truth. And another post mocking the idea of McCain picking Rudy "911911911" Giuliani as his VP choice, highlighting what a disgrace Rudy's failed presidential bid was. But the truth is, I can't imagine how any candidate doesn't drag McCain down. From my perspective, they're all losers who make McCain's problems worse.

Not that McCain's such a great candidate on his own, but once you add the flaws of any other candidate to the mix, you've got a horrible horrible ticket. And the big question is whether they want a candidate with McCain's own drawbacks, which heavily emphasize McCain's drawbacks; or if they want a candidate with a completely different set of drawbacks, which then covers all the bases of loserdom. And both of these two potential choices fit those categories decently.

The Uber-McCain

On Giuliani's side, we've got a candidate who is even more absurdly heavy in toughguy foreign policy rhetoric than McCain, for the same reason McCain is so heavy in toughguy foreign policy: They've both adopted non-conservative positions for domestic issues which they had to flip-flop on, and emphasize attacking other countries as a gimmick to distract from their lack of having anything good to say on anything else. And even still, they're both spew foreign policy views that make GI Joe seem nuanced and can only be considered heavyweights in comparison to other conservatives.

And then there's the fact that they're both adulterers who abandoned their wives. And while Giuliani is a "cafeteria Catholic" who would certainly have been excommunicated in prior times and even now doesn't know much about his faith, McCain doesn't really seem to know what religion he's in. And without a doubt, neither of these guys fit into the "culture warrior" role and won't look good at all if they try faking it. Obama, by comparison, looks much better. He's still on his first wife, the "Muslim" smear has made it natural for him to emphasize his Christian faith, and he really does seem comfortable talking like a preacher.

And the main thing here is that, rather than Giuliani adding anything new to the mix, he's a more flawed version of McCain. For all of McCain's drawbacks, Giuliani beats him. Rudy would most definitely bring down the ticket. The only way he helps McCain is that it'd make him look better by contrast, but that's probably not the help McCain wants.

Evangelical Heretics

And then there's the Exorcist, Governor Piyush "Bobby" Jindal. Now, I can't say that I know much about this guy, but he really doesn't help McCain much at all either. Because while McCain and Giuliani have lots of flaws that hurt him with conservatives, Jindal's got the flaws that hurt him with everyone else, as well as a few biggies that could hurt him with conservatives.

First off, he's brown. Never a good thing for a Republican. Even worse, he was a Hindu until high school, which would muddy up the Muslim smears against Obama. Sure, they're not hated as much as Muslims, but I'm sure many in the religious right wouldn't see the difference. And finally, he's brown.

And then there's the religion thing; He's got too much of it. Specifically, he's a Catholic who has apparently said that Protestants are heretics, which really is going to make all those church potluck suppers he'll make on the presidential circuit more than a little awkward. And then there's the exorcism. And then there's his belief that school kids should decide for themselves if evolution is real. But of course, that's not really what they mean. They really mean that the parents should decide for the kids and the schools shouldn't contradict them.

And one of the biggest marks against him is that he has little experience and is very young to be president; which again makes it difficult to attack Obama for these things. For as much as the VP slot is often marketed as a training course for the presidency, there's always that possibility that the VP could be taking over before the Inauguration begins, particularly when we're talking about a candidate as old as McCain. And even still, he's still in his first year as Governor; which is the only part of his resume that really recommends him for the presidency, and was only in the House for three years. And that's it. Again, as a President-in-Training, that's fine. But that's only a side-effect of the VP slot. We're supposed to have a guy who could be president in his own right, not one who won't be ready for eight more years.

And finally, both Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich thought Jindal would be great for the job. 'Nuff said.

Well dammit, I just ran out of steam on this one. I like enough of it to not delete it, but not enough to want to finish it. I actually started it the night before, but it got so late that I left it for the. Needless to say, I really wasn't as enthusiastic about it as I was. But you get the general idea of where this was going, even if it's not as polished as I might like, so I'll just wrap it up like this. Better luck next time.