I just invaded Iran. I know, it sounds cool, but trust me, it wasn't worth it. It really wasn't. Sure, the oil was nice, but the rest of it was a long hard slog that really wasn't worth the effort. Just lots of hot desert and a bunch of pissed off people who don't appreciate all I did for them by invading and bombing their cities. Filthy ingrates. Now I kind of wished I hadn't done it at all. Oh well, I'm there now, so there can't be anything finer than for me to stay there forever and ever and ever. Once a mistake, always a mistake; that's what I always say. Always.
Guess it's now time to give Syria a try. Why the hell not? They already hate me. So what harm could it do? They can't hate me twice. Besides, I've already got all these troops just sitting here in Iran, where they don't want to be. So they really can't complain too much when I have them move somewhere else. They did volunteer, after all. They should just be glad they're not stuck in my position. I've got to make all the tough choices. All they have to do is follow orders. Sure wish I had that kind of luxury. And they get to kill people too! Lucky duckies.