Thursday, May 15, 2008

Wizard for President

Wow, I had no idea that it could work like this, but seeing as how John McCain has so much more experience than I do, I guess I'll just have to believe him when he suggests that dreams really can come true . I'm of course referring to John McCain's vision of how his first term as president will end in 2013. To summarize...

For Iraq:
Most Troops Home
Functioning Democracy/Government
Civil War Averted
Militias Disbanded
Professional & Competent Iraqi Security
Al Qaeda in Iraq "Defeated"

Taliban "Reduced" but not "Eliminated"
Mere Remnants of Al Qaeda
Cooperative Pakistan
Capture/Death of Bin Laden
America Loved Worldwide
and, of course
Ponies For Everyone

Wow. How ambitious. I honestly had no idea. I had thought that McCain wanted to continue to slog through war in Iraq for 10,000 years and that he'd continue with the Bush-Cheney Doctrine of alienating every country on the face of the earth. But I realize that was entirely wrong. While Bush and Cheney had a vision whereby they'd screw everything up and it'd go down the toilet, it seems McCain has a different vision, where he fixes everything and makes it work. Who'd have thought?

I really wish he had said this sooner, as I've been wasting a lot of time supporting Obama, when I could have been supporting McCain the Wizard. It's obvious he's not only clairvoyant, but can clearly bend the minds of men as well as make the impossible possible simply by wanting it to happen. And with that in mind, I decided to come up with my own list of what I'd like Wizard McCain to work on (in no particular order):

Disneyworld Everywhere
No More Hunger, Disease, or Tabloid Journalism
Floating Cars That Use Dirty Air As Fuel and Emit Clean Air
Fat-Free Twinkies That Taste Like Twinkies Did When I Was A Kid
No Fat Chicks

I mean hell, if McCain can suggest that "al Qaeda in Iraq has been defeated" is a serious prediction, then why the hell can't I ask for this other stuff? In fact, I find it odd that McCain suggests that the Taliban won't be "eliminated" and that al Qaeda will still have remnants, but that AQI will be outright "defeated." But hey, he's the dude with the crystal balls, so who the hell am I to dispute it?

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