The Commies Are Coming!!!

Communists; Obama's got 'em. Muslim Jihadists? You bet! Anti-American fascists? Of course. Now how about some Martians? Just wait until next week.

In no time flat, Obama has collected the roughest, toughest, rootinest, tootinist band of ruffians this side of the Pecos. He's got rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, Methodists and all kinds of other bad guys who didn't even exist when Blazing Saddles was made.

In short: Barack Obama is a bad motherfucker.

And it's just going to get worse. But the thing is, after all Bush and the Republicans have put this country through, I can't imagine how anyone's going to give a shit about any of this. Hillary v. Barack, that's a match-up. The fact that Obama was able to upset the Dem Establishment against heavy odds just shows how talented a politician he really is. But John McCain? Stuck having to act like he's going to fix all of Bush's "serious problems" out of one side of his mouth, while telling the diehards he's a Bush man out of the other? He doesn't stand a chance. Even now, he's resting on his undeserved maverick laurels, and the more he tries to explain his plan, the more people will remember how much they didn't like it the last time they heard it; when it was Bush's Plan. So he's just screwed and nothing can save him from that.

And even the diehard conservatives can't do anything to save the guy. The best they've got is to try to convince everyone that one of the best communicators of our generation is somehow an anti-American scoundrel who will destroy our country. Yet they fail to appreciate one basic fact: The people making these accusations are entirely discredited. Entirely. No one respects these people anymore. You just can't keep using your Deceit Credit Card with impunity, and these people are waaaaay over-limit.

Barack Marx Obama

Even worse, having cried Islamowolf too many times, they're stuck going into complete parody mode. Accusing Dems of being soft on terror just isn't good enough anymore. Nor is it enough for them to outright pretend Obama is a Muslim sleeper agent. No sir. That shit might have cut it in 2004 or even 2006, but now they've pulled out the heavy artillery: Communism.

That's right, Obama is a secret Communist, which is apparently proven because a few people who have vague ties to communism associated with him. For example, the staff worker who once displayed a Che Guevara flag in an Obama office is enough to tie Obama to Mother Russia. Sure, until this year I didn't even know who Che Guevara was, and only learned because of the flag issue. Before that, I had seen the face on shirts, but assumed he was some kind of musician (seriously). But no matter, the fact that anyone would put up a flag with that face on it is enough to declare "Texas Communists for Obama." I guess their search engine is screwed-up, as I'm having trouble finding any of their Klansmen for McCain posts. How odd.

In fact, a search in Yahoo shows that the words Obama Communist bring up 17,000,000 hits. Sure, many of those are surely lib sites laughing at the idea, but definitely the top hits are all wingnuts insisting that Obama is a "Marxist Mole." Holy fucking shit! I've said it before, I'll say it again: These people are beyond parody. Heck, that last site I linked to was based upon the idea that Obama was friends with a man identified as a communist by the Commission on Subversive Activities over fifty years ago; and if anyone knows something about guilt by association, it's these people.

The Smell of Despair

And so that's what it's come down to: Communists. Conservatives spent so much time serving anti-Muslim Koolaid over the past six and a half years that they scraped right through the bottom of the barrel and are now stuck trying to serve us some good old fashioned Red Menace. And these people imagine this is a working argument for them. So oblivious to how badly they screwed things up, they now think people are going to start fearing commies again. Right.

But really, this is the same kind of thinking that got them into this mess. Because they really don't have anything that they stand for, besides hating liberals and Democrats. And while they were able to ride that wave into power, they suddenly found themselves having to actually do things. But they didn't have anything to do, so here they are, still trying to demonize us but having no clue as to how to do that. So we get communists. Oooooo, scary!

But who knows, maybe Obama has some distant relation to Genghis Khan. Why not? He's already got Cheney mixed-up in there, so it shouldn't be so surprising that a competent bastard got into the mix too. And hey, there's always that chance that Obama's in league with Martians. Why not? What else are they going to do? Rely on Grampa Simpson to woo people with his promise of being the grumpy Bush? Hardly. Better to just stick with the IslamoCommieMartians and hope people are as stupid enough to buy it.