Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Commies Are Coming!!!

Communists; Obama's got 'em. Muslim Jihadists? You bet! Anti-American fascists? Of course. Now how about some Martians? Just wait until next week.

In no time flat, Obama has collected the roughest, toughest, rootinest, tootinist band of ruffians this side of the Pecos. He's got rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, Methodists and all kinds of other bad guys who didn't even exist when Blazing Saddles was made.

In short: Barack Obama is a bad motherfucker.

And it's just going to get worse. But the thing is, after all Bush and the Republicans have put this country through, I can't imagine how anyone's going to give a shit about any of this. Hillary v. Barack, that's a match-up. The fact that Obama was able to upset the Dem Establishment against heavy odds just shows how talented a politician he really is. But John McCain? Stuck having to act like he's going to fix all of Bush's "serious problems" out of one side of his mouth, while telling the diehards he's a Bush man out of the other? He doesn't stand a chance. Even now, he's resting on his undeserved maverick laurels, and the more he tries to explain his plan, the more people will remember how much they didn't like it the last time they heard it; when it was Bush's Plan. So he's just screwed and nothing can save him from that.

And even the diehard conservatives can't do anything to save the guy. The best they've got is to try to convince everyone that one of the best communicators of our generation is somehow an anti-American scoundrel who will destroy our country. Yet they fail to appreciate one basic fact: The people making these accusations are entirely discredited. Entirely. No one respects these people anymore. You just can't keep using your Deceit Credit Card with impunity, and these people are waaaaay over-limit.

Barack Marx Obama

Even worse, having cried Islamowolf too many times, they're stuck going into complete parody mode. Accusing Dems of being soft on terror just isn't good enough anymore. Nor is it enough for them to outright pretend Obama is a Muslim sleeper agent. No sir. That shit might have cut it in 2004 or even 2006, but now they've pulled out the heavy artillery: Communism.

That's right, Obama is a secret Communist, which is apparently proven because a few people who have vague ties to communism associated with him. For example, the staff worker who once displayed a Che Guevara flag in an Obama office is enough to tie Obama to Mother Russia. Sure, until this year I didn't even know who Che Guevara was, and only learned because of the flag issue. Before that, I had seen the face on shirts, but assumed he was some kind of musician (seriously). But no matter, the fact that anyone would put up a flag with that face on it is enough to declare "Texas Communists for Obama." I guess their search engine is screwed-up, as I'm having trouble finding any of their Klansmen for McCain posts. How odd.

In fact, a search in Yahoo shows that the words Obama Communist bring up 17,000,000 hits. Sure, many of those are surely lib sites laughing at the idea, but definitely the top hits are all wingnuts insisting that Obama is a "Marxist Mole." Holy fucking shit! I've said it before, I'll say it again: These people are beyond parody. Heck, that last site I linked to was based upon the idea that Obama was friends with a man identified as a communist by the Commission on Subversive Activities over fifty years ago; and if anyone knows something about guilt by association, it's these people.

The Smell of Despair

And so that's what it's come down to: Communists. Conservatives spent so much time serving anti-Muslim Koolaid over the past six and a half years that they scraped right through the bottom of the barrel and are now stuck trying to serve us some good old fashioned Red Menace. And these people imagine this is a working argument for them. So oblivious to how badly they screwed things up, they now think people are going to start fearing commies again. Right.

But really, this is the same kind of thinking that got them into this mess. Because they really don't have anything that they stand for, besides hating liberals and Democrats. And while they were able to ride that wave into power, they suddenly found themselves having to actually do things. But they didn't have anything to do, so here they are, still trying to demonize us but having no clue as to how to do that. So we get communists. Oooooo, scary!

But who knows, maybe Obama has some distant relation to Genghis Khan. Why not? He's already got Cheney mixed-up in there, so it shouldn't be so surprising that a competent bastard got into the mix too. And hey, there's always that chance that Obama's in league with Martians. Why not? What else are they going to do? Rely on Grampa Simpson to woo people with his promise of being the grumpy Bush? Hardly. Better to just stick with the IslamoCommieMartians and hope people are as stupid enough to buy it.

9 comments:

John of the Dead said...

No, Doc, you've got it all wrong. This "Communist" flap is actually a promotional tie-in to the summer blockbuster Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, wherein the main bad-guys are 50s-era Reds. Just like you can get Indiana Jones crap in every store, plus exclusive prizes and promotions at Burger King, you can get some Red Scare in your politcal news coverage. It's just part of the Lucasfilm/Paramount marketing juggernaut.

Faded said...

But until we add the Dark Sith lords of the Planet Clintonista, we shall not be ready to overturn the Federation completely!

Barack Obama IS one bad motherfucker.

KarmiCommunist said...

‘Doc’ – looks like I got under yore skin, huh. Do you deny that Obama is a Socialist?

It is, and has been clear for decades, that the Democratic Party’s platform is Socialism. They hate Capitalism, i.e. they hate seeing freedom of the Individual.

I get a kick out of watching and reading America’s leftists/liberals spout their socialistic dogma. Screw the Individual’s rights…screw “e-v-i-l Big Oil”…screw “the e-v-i-l RICH!”…screw the “e-v-i-l Corporate America”, etc. Y’all want The State to control everything, and have no clue as to how dangerous that type of thinking is.

Basically, the lines between Socialism and Communism and Nazism are so thin, that it’s almost impossible to distinguish the difference between them. The obvious common link between them is the elimination of Individual rights, and the empowerment of The State.

Green Eagle said...

Here's a real example of blowback. It suited the right wingers, as part of their deification of Reagan, to portray communism as having been thoroughly and completely destroyed by him. They did such a good job with that piece of propaganda, that no one can now be scared by their talk about communists.

Oh well, tough luck, guys.

John of the Dead said...

Ahem. KC. Didn't I school you on the whole "Burden of Proof" thing in a previous thread? Why, yes. Yes I did. Yet here you are, with more unfounded bullshit. Again, by your logic, I proved that you're a gypsie/sasquatch bastard child, right?

Or, hell, how about this: "It has been clear for decades that the Republican party's platform is Fascism. The worship of corporations over individuals, the consolidation of authority under the executive branch, the disregard for human rights, and the disrespect for intellectuals all echo 1930s Germany." See how I did that? I made a claim, with a link to documentation that can be used to verify the claim. Now, back under your bridge, troll!

Doctor Biobrain said...

Wow John, I think you're right. That Lucas might not be the filmmaker he once was, but he's still a genius at marketing.

Now my only problem is not knowing who to root for when I see the movie: My hero-side wants Indy to win, but my partisan side will cheer for Obama's communist buddies. This adds a whole new element to the film-going experience.

Doctor Biobrain said...

Karmi - I would never dream of trying to convince you that Obama isn't a socialist. After all, anyone who hasn't already bought into Obama will certainly feel pushed there when they see the alternative. And if you weren't spouting off this nonsense, who would?

And I really like how you people imagine that multi-national corporations are "individuals" who need protection from the government. Sure, the Social Conservatives on your side really DO want to deny us individual rights, but you're so worried about the rights of Exxon to bother thinking about it. From our perspective, we need the government to protect individuals from these bullies who use their clout to steamroll us. But you guys have bought into the idea that individuals need to protect corporations from the government; as if they aren't powerful enough to protect themselves. How interesting.

But please, keep defending Big Oil against us bad individuals. I'm sure this won't turn-off all the undecided voters.

repsac3 said...

KarmiCommie = Nero's sockpuppet?

I'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

they hate seeing the freedom of the Individual.....

..to buy the Guvmint

Talking to parrots is useless.