Saturday, January 12, 2008

My Anti-Murder Proposal

In the spirit of Giuliani's recent taxcut proposal, I decided to announce my own policy idea on how to cure murder: Killing everyone. Now, hear me out. I don't care what you might say contrariwise, murder is a very, very bad thing and probably ranks pretty high on the bummer list. I personally wouldn't want it to happen to me at all, and I'm pretty open to new ideas.

But...what if we killed everyone? Then the murder rate would drop to approximately zero (depending upon whether your ideology approves of rounding), and then that's it. No more murder. Even better, if my analysis proves correct, it would also solve other murder-related crimes, such as rape, prostitution, and music pirating. Plus, no more traffic. Who could argue with that? Nobody.

Now, maybe if you're a bigtime supporter of murder, rape, prostitution, and traffic, you might oppose my idea. All you murderers out there might be thinking, "Hey, if they kill all my victims, who am I supposed to kill?" And that's a valid point, but...nobody can kill you either. Ah, ha. Pretty sweet, eh? Plus, you'll have gotten away with all those murders you've already committed without getting the death penalty. Instead, you'll be killed just like all the innocent suckers who didn't have as much fun as you did. So you'd have that going for you too.

Anyway, just thought I'd toss that out there. Raise the proverbial trial balloon, if you will. See who salutes. I think it's a pretty good idea and have already printed one million mailers supporting the idea. I think it's a real winner, and would represent the first policy idea I've raised since I began exploring the possibilities of my potential presidential run. I've checked all my opponents' websites, and don't see this one at all, so it really looks like I've gotten ahead of the curve on this one. Plus, I've got strong convictions in support of this plan, so I'll be pleasing all the people who prefer their presidential candidates to believe the lunacies they recite.

So vote Biobrain, and rest assured that the crazy ideas I propose are really mine.

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