Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Dork Revolution

I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest fan of rap. In fact, outside of a Beck album, I’m unlikely to listen to it at all. But I’m not a big snob against it. In fact, I’m proud to say that I once got mugged after a Public Enemy concert, back when they were the top rap act. That’s street cred for you, people. So I don’t hold anything against rappers.

That is, except for Kanye West. I can’t stand that punkass. The first time I saw him was when he showed what a whiny little baby he is when he got punked by Ashton Kutcher. In that clip, not only will you see Kanye explain that the reason he had to make a second music video for his newest song was because “people say ‘ok it’s one of the best songs I’ve ever heard,’” but you’ll also see him repeatedly refer to Paris as “Parie” and behave like a immature six year old who hasn’t had his nap. Simply unbelievable.

I honestly think he just set-out to prove that it’s actually possible for a black hip-hop performer to have less soul than P. Diddy (or whatever he’s calling himself these days). I was never one against sampling, but when you get to the point that you’re just rapping on top of someone else’s song, you suck. Watching these guys gives me a new respect for Lionel Richie, whose soulless material at least required talent.

Soulless Arrogance

And so I was a bit disappointed to see that Kanye has apparently won his rap sales battle with 50 Cent. I actually like 50 Cent, particularly after a decent performance on Saturday Night Live a few years ago. That’s not to say I listen to his music, but I at least understand what he’s trying to do. So I was really rooting for him to stomp Kanye into the dirt. But no luck.

And now the punkass has won and I read this embarrassing quote from Kanye:
People have this perception of me being arrogant, but would an arrogant person risk the chance of coming in the second spot just to be a part of history?

A part of history? Oh no, this guy isn’t arrogant at all. He just thinks he’d be a “part of history” even if he came in second in a pretend battle for record sales that he initiated. A marketing gimmick. It’s like he’s just asking to be mocked. Hell, even his suggestion that an arrogant person wouldn’t challenge someone to a battle for fear of coming in second is just more evidence of what a dumbass punk he is. Arrogance I can take; assuming it's deserved. Dumb arrogance by immature dorks is just too much for me to handle.

But this isn’t really just to complain about him. He's just the biggest of a whole line of dorks that are seen throughout the current popular music scene. What I really want to know is what the hell is the matter with kids today. When I was a teen, I always wondered what our kids would do to outrage us, after all the crap we became accustomed to. I always imagined it’d be like brain piercings and amputations and that their “music” would be the amplified screams of slaughtered squirrels or something.

But no. It looks like they’ve taken teen rebellion in a whole new direction: They’re out-dweebing us. Idolizing soulless, arrogant dorks with lame music which they believe to be the greatest music ever. Well it worked. I’m outraged. Where’s GG Allin when we need him? And would it be too hard to give Kanye a nasty heroin addiction?

P.S. I know that kids don't listen to Kanye to be rebellious. I just realized I needed a point to this post and decided that was a funny one. Thus said, Kanye's newest song is one of the most offensive things my kids listen to. The other is the A-Teens. I'd honestly prefer the slaughtered squirrels.

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