Sorry gang, but my presidential exploratory committee’s presidential exploratory committee has spoken: There will be no further presidential exploratory committees. Everything was pushing ahead like gangbusters and the early polling showed me winning Iowa in a blow-out. But as it turns out, none of these committees had counted on a certain Ms. Clinton to be entering the race, and now that she has, any presidential run by myself is considered entirely superfluous. Apparently, we cover too much of the same political territory, and they felt that Hillary just did too many of the things right that I did wrong. Like being on TV and not being an unknown blogger. So I am now officially dissolving all of my exploratory committees and putting an end to any talks of a presidential run for 2008. I know, go ahead and cry a little. I’ll wait.
But don’t worry. I am currently working on the formation of my newest exploratory committee to explore the prospects of forming exploratory committees for a possible vice-presidential run. No promises, but preliminary guesstimates put our best chances at hooking up on a Sharpton or McCain ticket. Yeah, yeah, I know. One’s a bit of a disreputable flake, and the other has negro issues that might not play so well in the Deep South, but no one else is returning my phone calls and both promise that their buses are catered. And that’s always important.
McCain especially liked that I could talk about the surge option with a straight face, and was hoping I could bring him my home state of Texas and thus free him up to focus on the East Coast Pundit vote, which he thinks is crucial for the general election. I myself am just interested in getting the fat salary and free travel on Air Force Two. A match made in Heaven. And after that, I’m just a bullet away from taking the top spot; and I think you know where you come in on that plan. And then it’s free booze and taxcuts for everyone! Wish me luck.