Friday, January 05, 2007

I'm a General

Hey folks, guess what!  Bush just made me one of his generals in Iraq!!  It’s true.  I was having a phone conversation with my brother about Iraq and being all sarcastic about how I think we should stay in Iraq until every last dirtbag was hanging from every last lamppost, and suddenly Bush cuts in and asks me if I’d like to be one of his new generals.  He said he liked my style and how America needed more guys like me.  I explained to him that I had absolutely no military training whatsoever and was being sarcastic, and he said that he didn’t know what that meant, but that his records showed that I had once played Ghost Recon on the PS2 and that was more experience than he ever had and he was fricking Commander-in-Chief.  I couldn’t disagree with him there, so it looks like I’m off to the Green Zone.  Wish me luck!  I think I can win this sucker.

Update: Sorry folks, I blew it.  Turns out that Bush just read this post and had someone explain to him what sarcastic meant, and now I’m in Gitmo.  Damn.  So close.  Sure not a lot of leeway in this guy’s thinking anymore.  Oh well, it’s time for my morning enema and then it’s off to the rack.  This place really is like a health spa.  Unfortunately, they only have dial-up.  Talk about torture…

Second Update: Well that’s over and I’m now back home.  I just confessed to absolutely everything, including my Iranian plot to blow up America using American Flags dipped in Osama’s explosive urine, and they let me go.  Cheney said it was the best confession he had ever heard, and he’s heard a lot of them.  Looks like those three years of Junior High victimization finally paid off.  I knew there was some reason we were subjected to that crap.  So I’m back, and just in time for the weekend.  And my Whitehouse contacts now tell me that Bush is seriously considering me to head-up his new Citizen’s Army division in Iran.  Excellent.  With any luck, they’ll be getting us all Ghost Recon II for training purposes.  I can’t wait!

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