To answer your questions, yes, I once again got passed over for the position of King of Tonga, Polynesia’s last monarchy. But before you get all irate and do something stupid, I’ll just tell you up front that I really was to blame this time. I misread the situation on the ground and said a few things that I probably should not have. For instance, Polynesia is not a form of geometrical vomit. Now I know.
So just save the protests. I’ve decided to fully back Prince Tupouto’a’s ascendancy, and I beg of you to do the same. I know that all of you have very strong feelings about this, but I refuse to allow a repeat of what happened last time. Our time will come. And if nothing else, I’m still working to return the Hawaiian monarchy to its proper place, with me as its rightful ruler. I’ve never actually been to Hawaii, but I hear it’s lovely. Wish me luck.