I am the Winner!

Of course.  The results came in from today’s Carnival of the Liberals, and not only did Mr. Pharyngula declare me one of the winners (and if you read between the lines, you’ll see that I am the TOP winner); but I also discovered that my winning entry was the one I had submitted for the previous carnival.  And that explains why I didn’t win last time.  It wasn’t because I sucked more than the ten winners, but because I got screwed by the system.  It all makes perfect sense, and I’m certainly glad that I didn’t kill myself over it, as I had threatened to do previously.

Unfortunately, another threat I made in that anti-carnival tirade has come true: This next Carnival of the Liberals (which I foolishly agreed to host) will be hosted instead by none other than my ultra-conservative personal assistant Doctor Snedley.  I was sure looking forward to playing host this time around; but alas, it’s the height of the tax season and I just can’t spare the time to host this fine event.  But I really don’t think we have anything to worry about.  Doctor Snedley promised not to “Iraq” the carnival, and I’m sure we can take him at his word this time.  Lessons learned, and all that.  Anyway, he’ll be announcing the carnival shortly along with introducing this carnival’s theme.  I think it has something to do with scum-sucking weasels and our national security, but you’ll just have to wait for him to tell you more.  Good luck, and remember, if you injure him, you’ll just make him angrier.