Monday, April 17, 2006

Blowing Bush

Parental Warning: The content of this post is unnecessarily graphic and may really gross you out.  Or maybe it’s a big turn-on, in which case I’d rather not know.

Question: Would you give Bush a BJ if it meant he’d be impeached for lying about it?  And not just impeached, but kicked out of office?  This question was primarily intended for the heterosexual boys out there, seeing as how that would be a more repulsive thing for them; and thus a harder decision.  But seeing as how we are talking about George Bush’s unit, I’m not sure it makes any real difference who you are.  It’s just gross.

And just to be sure, I will stipulate that it would have to be a full-on deal, no fakee’s, and to completion.  And if it takes less than a few seconds for the first one (which it undoubtedly will), then you’ll just have to hang tight through the second one…which is likely to be just a few seconds longer.  This is, of course, assuming that he really does have a working package; though it wouldn’t be hard to imagine if perhaps he’s been impotent since 9/11.  That really would explain a few things.  And if I had to bet, I’d say that Rummy might be having the same problem too; though some say he’s been that way since the Ford Administration.

Oh, and another thing: Everyone would have to know it was you.  It wouldn’t make sense if they didn’t, and you’d be like the punchline on Leno’s show every night for three months.  And maybe the liberals would lionize you for taking down Bush; or maybe they’d mock you for going down on the creep.  And of course you’d have to give testimony about it, talk about it on talkshows, and maybe even give some sort of cheesy demonstration on Saturday Night Live for a “spontaneous” cameo that would let everyone know that you’re in on the joke…even if they are still laughing at you all the same.

Oh, and just to make this decision a little easier, I’ll throw in Cheney for free.  He’d get like an eighteen year sentence for all kinds of dirty dealings and screwy maneuverings; so you wouldn’t have to worry about that creep getting into the presidency.  Oh, and to make things really interesting, Bush would have picked Joe Lieberman as his VP; so that’s who we’d get in the Whitehouse.  Joe Lieberman on top, with Joe Biden as second banana.

So how about?  Would you do it?  Is it worth it?  You’d probably save many lives.  Perhaps avoid a war in Iran, assuming the two Joes weren’t already on board for that.  All kinds of other good things.  Plus, we could replace Lieberman and Biden in the Senate with real Democrats.  So what do you say?  Bush says this is what he’s been waiting for the whole time, and promises to not cause too much of a stink about the whole thing; so are you in or what?  He needs an answer by tonight, and wants you to bring the booze.  Nothing cheap.  This is his first time and he wants it to be special.


Fledermaus said...

I would. But I'd better get a foursome with the Dixie Chicks for my service to the country. Rawr.

Mumphrey said...

There are some things one just cannot in good conscience ask us to do for our country.
This is one of them.