Joe Biden for Vice-President!!

I've got a confession: For as much as I consider myself to be a political junkie, I'm really not into the whole policy thing too much. Even worse, for as much as I do follow policy discussions, I generally don't get into this shit to the level of actually watching Congressional hearings and all that. For me, there are just too many moving parts to that kind of thing, and so while I follow political discussions of which politician said what stupid thing and how I can use that to my personal advantage, I don't really know much of what those politicians actually do, you know, as part of their actual job and all that. Basically, I know what I need to know for what I enjoy knowing, and that's about it.

And so what I'm getting at is that, as far as Joe Biden is concerned, all I really know about him is what I've seen on The Daily Show, and I kind of stopped watching that about two years ago (nothing against the show, but I got to be the only one at home who wanted to watch it, and I don't like watching TV alone, so I just stopped watching it). And from what I've seen on The Daily Show, Joe Biden's a pretty decent pick for the VP slot. I'm not sure what the netroots has against him, (though I've heard some noise about him supporting the lousy bankruptcy bill), but he seems like a pretty decent pick to me. I mean hell, it's not like the Republicans can use the bankruptcy bill against Obama or Biden; nor does it seem as if Biden will try to pass that same bill again, so I don't see why that kind of thing is such a big deal. That's what we call pragmatism, my friends.

And seeing as how I follow this kind of thing far, far better than the average voter, I think that spells good things for Biden. He sounds intelligent, looks intelligent, and hey, he probably is pretty intelligent; and that puts him ahead of just about any Republican who's honest enough to still be in office. And then I just read this AP Analysis piece that sounds like he's already ripping the shit out of McCain and I've got to like that. Not that I was one who thought Obama was going too soft on McCain, but I really did like the Biden hits on Obama.

And hey, it should have been Wesley Clark. But what can you do? Cry about it? And it's quite possible I've been totally wrong about Clark all these years and he would have let me down as President and Vice-President, just like I might have been wrong for supporting Dodd earlier this year. And so this way, I get to keep pretending that I was right all along, without having to worry about reality proving me wrong; and that's always nice. And so hey, Biden wasn't my first choice, but the very limited knowledge I have of him tells me that he was a great choice.

Besides, Obama's still got me slotted to be Shadow Vice-President, which is where all the real power is anyway (thanks Cheney), so you'll hear no complaints from me. Believe or not, the Shadow VP debate will be moderated by none other than Edward R. Murrow, who has been covering shadow news since he faked his death back in the 60's. And yes, my opponent will be Dick Cheney. Wish me luck.

Expectations Management

Internal polling suggests I'll get a 20-point bounce on John McCain by switching from Colgate to Crest. He will be crushed in utter defeat!


Update: The actual bounce was only 8-points. I'm screwed!!!

Doctor Biobrain Got Stiffed

From Yahoo and Mike Allen of the Politico, I learned that Hillary Clinton got "stiffed" by Obama because he apparently never vetted her for the vice presidency. And I was like, wait a minute, he never vetted me either! He didn't ask my friends about me, or snoop into my past, or find out who's been contributing to the Doctor Biobrain Wildlife Consortium and Bingo Parlor...nothing!!

And so what's up with that? What's so scummy about ol' Doc Biobrain that Obama wouldn't even consider me for his second-in-command? Hey, I don't even have all the heavy negative baggage associated with Hillary, nor the weirdness of having ever suggested that John McCain was more qualified to be president than Obama. And I'm even tall, and would certainly compliment Barack on the basketball court a lot better than Shorty McClinton would have. And I never wear pantsuits.

And so while old Hills might have gotten the short shrift from Obama, I'd have to say that I'm a bit hurt by all this too. I mean, I've been shilling for that dude for months, and nothing. Not even a credit check from the guy. This is bullshit and I'm just not going to take it anymore. I deserve a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T for all I've done for Obama and the least he can do is spend much needed time and energy checking my ass out. After all, the VP choice is the new ambassadorship and should be used to thank loyal supporters and as a consolation prize for the people we beat; and I refuse to allow anyone to take this more seriously than that. And let me tell you, if I don't at least get a little SecDef action next year, I'll really be pissed.

John McCain: A Kept Man of the People

Oops. Looking at the "Most Popular News Stories" in Yahoo first thing this morning, I see a big blasting headline at the top saying "McCain not sure how many houses he and his wife own" as well as another story from Politico, which are both repeated on the page a few times. Ha ha!

And the lead paragraph, which you might already have seen just gets worse:

Days after he cracked that being rich in the U.S. meant earning at least $5 million a year, Republican presidential candidate John McCain acknowledged that he wasn't sure how many houses he and his wealthy wife actually own

Yikes! That's rough. He and his wealthy wife. And what's up with them mentioning that the wife's wealthy, rather than that both of them are wealthy? It's one thing if they were recently married, but they've been together for a long time. At this point, they're a wealthy couple.

And I'm having trouble parsing this one to see if it helps or hurts him more. On the one hand, I guess this makes him look better because I suppose you can still be a man of the people as long as you're a kept man. Because I mean, who amongst us doesn't have a wealthy wife to buy us $500 shoes? But really, that can't be quite what McCain is going for either, right? For as much as McCain never emphasizes his bio as a POW, he really really really never seems to emphasize the fact that his second wife is rolling in beer money. I guess there are some parts of his life he likes more than others.

And so I suspect that right about now McCain's handlers are probably reaching for the heart pills (for John) and the Maalox (for themselves) as he's probably having a real shit-fit over this one. If only they could have stopped at six houses, right? So I'm guessing that any second now they'll be sending out their minions to put out the line on how POW's should never be expected to count their own houses, along with a veiled hint on how Celebrity Obama will be burgling your own home if you keep asking about McCain's.

I can see the Fox News crawl on this already: Is Obama too famous to rob your home?

The answer: No.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Ok folks, the time has come. I've been running my stealth presidential campaign for the past two decades building up to this momentous moment: That's right, my presidential exploratory committee has finally come up with a decision on who I should pick as my vice presidential choice, were I to decide to run for president. And after much discussion over a lot of beer, we have finally come up with our decision, and it is none other than...Barack Obama.

That's right, Barack Obama is going to be the next Vice President of the United States. And really, once you think about it, it's really a no-brainer. We did some poll testing and it turns out that people like the guy, they really do. Plus, we figured that letting the Clinton and Rove teams vet our choice would be a heckeva lot smarter than having our guys do the standard Google search we were planning to do. And hey, since a lot of people feel a tad bit uncomfortable with having such an unknown quantity into the top spot, it just made sense to let him rest on the sidelines as my understudy for eight years, letting him learn the ropes with training wheels on. People will like that.

And so that's it. I thought I'd share this with you, my loyal readers, first, before we unload it on all the networks later in the week. My handlers didn't think that was such a great idea, but screw them. Those bitches work for me! Anyway, so that's the big news. Hope you're pleased.

Pre-Race Attacks

In case y'all hadn't noticed yet, I've been really busy for about a month and haven't been able to post as frequently (once a day) as I'd like. And that's not going to change at least for about a week or so. But I'm trying to still keep up, so I'll just post here a comment I left at Carpetbagger's in reference to his post on Obama ramping up his attacks on McCain and how he's "just getting warmed up."

I definitely agree that Obama is just warming up. As I keep saying, for most voters the presidential race doesn’t start until after August. Everything before that is just pre-race positioning. It’s not good to fall behind before the race begins, but it’s a mistake to give it everything you’ve got before you even get started.

Especially as political attacks generally have a very short shelf life. Once you hit your opponent with something, you generally have a week at most to keep using it before you have to come up with something else. And if you throw everything at once, your attacks won’t mean as much and you’ll run out of them early.

That's exactly what the McCain campaign is doing and it's going to hurt him in the long run. Once a political attack wears off, your opponent becomes innoculated against it. So McCain's throwing everything he's got and he's still losing in the polls. Things are just going to get worse for him once voters start paying attention and he's still trying to repeat the same old attacks. It'll all be old news and he'll have little credibility.

iMoron

Atrios has a post quoting some "glibertarian" running for State Assembly in California who wrote a piece attacking the very idea of public transportation. I quote:

We just don't use buses with a frequency that causes even a slight profit. If public transportation were really needed or even moderately desired, the market demand would make it happen. When the iPhones went on sale, did we have to levy taxes to get people to buy them? We didn't have to raise taxes to put a computer in virtually every home, either. Good ideas are swarmed by people wanting to use them.

And my first thought on reading this was: What an imbecile. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was totally right. If public transportation is such a great idea, why hasn't Steve Jobs figured out a way to make a profit at it? That guy is like totally smart and if he can't give it to us in a cool and expensive manner, maybe it's not worth it.

But hey, why stop at public transportation? First off, there's our entire road system, which almost entirely consists of socialist tax-and-spend concrete and asphalt. Lenin must be proud, I'm sure. I mean, if public roads were really needed or even moderately desired, the market would make it happen, right? And yet it's obvious that the only roads we need are a few tollways in the most congested areas; yet our greedhead politicians continue to spend a fortune subsidizing unneeded driving.

And why stop there? Where's the iPolice when you need them? Why aren't the iMarines fixing the mess in Baghdad? And why isn't our iPresident telling us about our huge budget surplus? I'll tell you why, because the government doesn't want these things to happen. They just want us sucking on the bureaucratic teat, so they'll steal our hard-earned money in order to subsidize activities that surely must be ripe for the picking for some young entrepreneur; if only the government would just step aside and let the free markets do their thing. Why else wouldn't this be happening?

And so I say: Enough! If free enterprise won't lengthen buslines or stop your sister from being raped, well then it's obvious the market doesn't want these things to happen. We didn't have to raise taxes to stop the Germans in WWII, and if something is a good idea, it will be swarmed by people wanting to use it. And if not...well then, it must be a bad idea. The markets know all!


Update: I've just been informed by a very reliable source that I'm an idiot and don't know what I'm talking about. And for that, I apologize.

The Fantasy Dictator

Atrios quotes a story about how Bush promised we'd send humanitarian aid to Georgia without having first determined if such aid is logistically possible (it doesn't seem to be), and asks about the "magic transporter beam" that could have made this work. And what's sad is that magic really is the only way that conservative ideas work. It's all about will power and making things happen because you want them to happen. Conservatism sounds so good because the only thing you have to lose is reality. After that, the world truly is your oyster.

Sure, modern society and infrastructure seem extremely expensive and countries that don't pay for this stuff don't get to have it and are therefore sucky places to live, but screw it, this stuff would all be free if the government would stop taxing us to make us pay for it all. Even our exploding healthcare problems would vanish overnight if only we got rid of health insurance and government subsidies and made everyone pay with gold coins and fairy dust, or something like that. Free CAT scans for everyone!!

And let me tell you, I deal with this kind of stuff every day. I've got a seven-year-old daughter who still thinks I can do just about anything, as long as she asks for it strongly enough, and it still makes me feel like a bad daddy when I can't do it. But even still, she's definitely starting to get it. Sure, once she sets her heels in on demanding stuff, she's pretty stubborn about backing down. But she's definitely learning to separate the possible from the impossible and only demanding stuff that I really can get her.

But not our conservatives. They live in a world where everyone can be rich, if only we weren't taxed too much. They want everything and they want it now. Bush can look at a map on the wall and see how tiny everything is and just send in a bunch of hospital ships without even needing to roll the Risk dice to see if they'll let him in. His wish is our command; that's what it means to be the Commander-in-Chief. Things sure are a heck of a lot easier now that he's the dictator.

No Oil for Trees

What the fuck is the matter with these people?? I mean, really.

Congressman Sali informed us that a solution to the high price of gasoline was to make petroleum from “all those trees in our forests.” … He continued by saying there “could be up to 40 barrels of oil” in a single tree.

and..

“Forty percent of the mass of every tree in the forest is crude oil,” he said. Going after that, he said, “could put Idaho in the oil business for the first time.”

I mean, jesus christ, forget about the fact that that's the dumbest thing ever, even a tiny bit of common sense would tell us that this can't possibly be true. I mean, if we could get forty damn barrels of oil out of a single tree, why the hell would we be sending all that blood money to the middle-east or needing to drill up in Alaska and off our beaches? That's fucking stupid.

But really, this is the kind of thing you get when you require a top-down model of leadership and all the smart guys at the top were too corrupt to stay in office: A bunch of boobs who will repeat anything that sounds stupid enough to be true. They say that trying to lead Democrats in Congress is like herding cats, but at least cats don't try to get crude oil from a tree.

The Most Dangerous Fellow

Many folks in the corporate media ain't so bright. Josh Marshall flags this post by Mark Halperin in which Halperin hails the "three-fer" McCain got by showing himself to be more aggressive than the war-mongers in the Whitehouse. As he writes:

The Vladimir Putin-backed conflict with Georgia was a three-fer for John McCain: it reminded voters how dangerous the world is, allowed the Republican nominee to distance himself from the more accomodationist Bush Administration and let him reinforce his maverick image.

On what planet is this a good thing? Look, Americans don't want a dangerous world. They don't want to be scared. They want to go about their little lives and do all their little things, and I'm totally fine with that. Whatever makes people happy. And hey, they're not dumb and if there's something to be scared about, they want a cure, not more scare talk. And they sure as hell don't want eternal war. As it is, they're sooooo over the misadventures in the middle-east and their concern for securing oil is pretty much limited to griping about the price at the pump. And no, more war won't solve that.

And really, the end of the Cold War really happened at a pretty good time, as America is no longer filled with victims of the Great Depression and heroes of WWII. More and more, the show's being run by the people who tripped acid in the 60's and snorted coke in the 70's and 80's. Generation X'ers are now advising our future presidents and running political campaigns. When we want a good scare, we go to Six Flags. And while 9/11 changed things quite a bit, even that scare has worn off as we now realize it was an isolated attack and not the beginning of a new wave of domestic attacks.

And so, no, it doesn't help McCain that Russia is trying to reclaim its former glory. Even McCain is just trying to do his best impression of the elder warriors who saved us from the Nazis and Communists. But it comes off a little weak when we recall that his best claim to being the Warrior-in-Chief was being tortured in a disgraceful war that we never should have been involved in. And it's even worse once you realize that McCain is part of the cabal that weakened us enough that Russia really doesn't have to worry about what we think.

Now, that isn't to say that this is a complete loss for McCain. No, it's obvious from Halperin's admiration that there is a group of people who are looking for a little fear mongering from their president: The Bored Media. People who lack real problems or excitement and prefer a little war to jazz up their too-perfect lives and give folks a reason to pay attention to the news. Apparently, this world is only here for their personal amusement; the rest of us are just their audience. But as far as the average voter is considered, it'd really be best for McCain if nobody heard about any of this. The media might still admire a tough president, but the rest of us prefer a smart one.

BTW, wouldn't Halperin's little ditty have made much more sense as parody?

Pray for Rain

I've really never quite understood what prayer was for. If God knows best, what the hell do we need to ask him for stuff for? I mean, I understand the idea of prayer as a way of talking to God, I suppose (though if He already knows everything, it really shouldn't be necessary to direct our thoughts explicitly at Him). But it's the asking for stuff part that I never got. I mean, either we should get stuff or we shouldn't, and who'd know better than God what it was that we should get? Nobody, particularly not us.

And let me tell you, growing up Catholic, praying was the only part I really bothered with. I don't know why, but the whole religious thing never really meant much to me, but dammit, if they're going to make me get on my knees every damn time I have to go to church, I might as well try to get something out of it. That's how I always saw it, anyway. But despite all that praying, I'm pretty darn sure I never got any of the stuff I was praying for. It was always about girls and money and stuff like that, so I suppose maybe I was asking for the wrong stuff. But dammit, that's the stuff I wanted. So sue me.

And so it's pretty damn funny to watch this web video of some jackass blasphemer for Focus on the Family asking for it to rain on Obama's Democratic Convention speech.



What an a-hole, and his video sucks! That's the kind of crappy ass stuff corporate schmucks were making fourteen years ago and I guess I now know where those suckheads ended up: Working for James Dobson.

And for me, the funniest part is how half-assed he is about the whole thing. Like he knows his request is entirely wrong, but he just can't help himself and thinks that's kind of funny. Sure, he's making an entirely juvenile request that won't actually stop abortions or prevent donkeys from marrying snakes, but hey, he's been a good boy and if enough other good boys and girls ask for it, maybe God will give them their funny joke on Obama.

And the whole thing was stupid. Even he knew it, and he's an idiot. But one thing I've never understood about the more simple-minded Christian-types is how they rationalize why this stuff doesn't happen more. Why doesn't God make it rain more on Atheists? Why do bad things happen to true believers? Sure, you can rationalize this a little with the "He's testing us" theory or whatever, but eventually, even the most diehard believer's got to realize that they've got no real advantage over the non-believer, right? Right? But I suppose, if these people were able to think through things this far, then they wouldn't be the simple-minded believers they really are.

And as the standard disclaimer, I'm not referring to any Christians who don't think this way. I'm quite aware that there are plenty of smart Christians who have intellectually consistent belief systems, and so I'm just referring to schmucks like the guy in the video. People who know they're making unreasonable requests to their god which aren't likely to work at all, but just can't help themselves. People who see their Lord as being little more than their own personal genie; an hour a week pays for itself in no time.

What this guy did is a much bigger insult to his god than anything I could ever do, and that alone is worth the price of admission. There's really nothing much more presumptuous than asking the creator of everything to change the earth's weather patterns for your own personal amusement. It's enough to wish there was a god, just to see that bolt of lightening strike this dummy dead on his own video. Now that's something to pray for.

Celebrity Vacation

Jesus christ, why Hawaii? Of all the places a Democratic presidential nominee could have gone on vacation, why the elitist celebrity paradise in the Pacific? Why not get working on a potato farm in Idaho like a normal American? Or clearing brush in the hot Texas sun (I actually have some yardwork in my backyard that could certainly use some presidential attention). But for god's sake, not Hawaii; especially not during the Olympics, when most Americans are feverishly following politics.

Real Americans never go to Hawaii. Never. They go to Myrtle Beach or Branson. They drive around in a big RV, looking for inane landmarks while their kids fight over which Shrek movie they're going to watch next. And they all have a miserable time and thank god once they get home and vow to never leave their house again. That's what an American vacation is all about.

But no, Mr. Arugula Celebrity is too good for an American vacation. No, sir. He's got to be Mr. Fancy Pants and go on the sort of celebrity vacation that most Americans can't even fathom. And needless to say, most Americans will hate him for this. It's over. Obama's finished. Now that he's gone there, he might as well stay, as there's no point in him even running anymore. He might be the president America needs, but they sure as hell ain't going to want him now.


Update: Holy shit, can I call them or what. I wrote this post a few hours ago but got distracted and didn't post it, and sure enough, I now read that Cokie Roberts suggested that Obama should have gone to Myrtle Beach because it's more American than Hawaii. Too funny.

McCain's Really Bad Sucky Year

While John McCain probably believed that 2000 was a bad year for him, due to him being completely sideswiped by the Republican Attack Machine that certainly didn't want him anywhere near Legacy Bush's Whitehouse, I believe that, by comparison, the poor guy will look back with fond memories of that year. Because 2008 will be the year he got completely destroyed in a presidential election while also having flushed his career down the toilet. It's one thing when you lose for being too nice, but it hurts that much more to be a complete asshole and still lose.

At least after 2000 he had an adoring media to fall back on, which would love him and squeeze him for years to come, based at least partly on their admiration for how badly he'd been smeared in 2000. But now... now he's got no one to blame but himself. I'm sure running for president seemed like a pretty good idea a year ago, but now that he's facing the reality of running as a Republican in a year that everyone likes Democrats, he's probably having a few regrets.

At this point, I was going to write about McCain's DHL problem in Ohio as well as his nuclear waste problem in Nevada, which surely have made a bad situation much worse, but screw it. It was already written about and by a better blogger than me, so I don't really see why I bothered in the first place. But all I'm saying is that if November comes out as an Obama landslide, make sure you tell everyone that you heard it from me first. It might not necessarily be true, but it'd sure make me feel better. Thanks.

Bra the Whales

Being a self-centered bastard, I normally don't do this kind of thing, but as I mentioned in my last post, I am drinking right now, so I guess anything goes. So I just thought I'd give a plug for a worthwhile animal rights campaign that really deserves a lot more attention. Because whales need bras too.

And remember, all proceeds go towards covering administrative costs, so you know that's a good thing.

Wine Slobs Unite!

I'm drinking some drinkable boxed wine right now and stumbled upon this article about how silly wine connoisseurs really are. It included this little tidbit:

To collect his own tasting data, Brochet played a couple pretty dirty tricks on his volunteers. In one tasting, he served a white wine and elicited all the usual descriptions: "fresh, dry, honeyed, lively." Later he served the same wine dyed red: Out came the red terms: "intense, spicy, supple, deep." In another test, he submitted a mid-range Bordeaux in two different bottles, one labeled as a cheap table wine, the other bearing a grand cru etiquette: Guess which one was "woody, complex, and round" and which was "short, light, and faulty"?

Bitches. But thus said, I really would prefer some of that dyed white about now. The white I'm now drinking was the remainder of the glass that Mrs. Biobrain left before she went to bed and I can assure you that it was not meant to be drunk at room temperture. Damn my hatred of wasting stuff!

McCain in Flames

Regarding Josh Marshall's post on how McCain's "celebrity" attacks on Obama are playing out, I think the big question is: Why is this coming from McCain? Not only does it make him look like a big jerk, but it wastes precious campaign funds that he doesn't have to waste. It'd be much much easier for a few of his rich backers to be putting this into outside groups to make these sort of attacks, which are the sort of groups that would normally make these sort of attacks. That's what they did in the past, and McCain should be free to take the high road and maintain his reputation while his secret surrogates are pulling Obama into their mudpit.

As it is, lots of folks think they're hearing too much about Obama and not enough about John McCain, yet he still wastes all his time talking about Obama. So why isn't that happening? As I've said before, it's because McCain's handlers don't actually want him to win, and these attacks are much higher profile coming directly from McCain. Rather than needing some sort of bubbling up campaign over several weeks to get mainstream attention for this stuff, it's mainstream the moment McCain says it.

And that would be a huge problem if McCain needed to keep his reputation in tact, but makes perfect sense if he's supposed to go down in flames. And as I keep saying, that's exactly what's supposed to happen.

Fame

But I think the whole thing is a huge miscalculation. This is going to backfire and isn't going to hurt Obama at all. Hell, it should be remembered that even scandalous celebrities are still quite popular and even disgraced ones like Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart, and Britney Spears can pull a lot of support.

And even if Obama is somehow "tarnished" as a celebrity, he doesn't have any scandal. And so if this did nothing more than get the People Magazine crowd to start paying attention to politics and linking Obama to the famous people they adore, it was a huge miscalculation. I mean, Paris Hilton doesn't even have to do anything and she remains loved by millions. But even the average voter doesn't necessarily have a distaste for celebrities and this attack just seems silly. Just ask the governor of California.

And the thing is that you can put out arguments that solidify your supporters or you can put out arguments that win over new ones, and so far, the stuff coming from McCain can only solidify his supporters, but not win over new ones. And it's unlikely to do either. If you were already prone to disliking Obama for being famous, you're probably already in the McCain group. And I really don't see people seeing this as a bad thing. People really do like celebrities, for reasons I don't quite understand, and being a celebrity president would definitely be a good thing.

Infamous

Perhaps McCain doesn't understand the difference between "famous" and "infamous," but it's a natural distinction most people make without thinking about it. There's a reason why celebrities are used to endorse products, charities, and political candidates: Most people like them. I don't know if this crap tested well with their focus groups or if it was meant as a reverse-double-whammy intended to mess with Obama's head, but whatever it is, it was pretty dumb. And the fact that it's coming directly from McCain isn't a good sign for him.

And just as an endnote, one of the problems here is that this little stuff really isn't going to last too long. As Carpetbagger points out, this isn't a long-term attack on Obama. Yet it's still early in the presidential season, and most folks don't really start paying attention until September and October. While it's always necessary to keep trying to trip-up your opponent while laying your ground game, this isn't the time for these sort of petty attacks which die out after a week.

This is the time for McCain to be entirely undermining Obama, not tossing out cheap shots that will be forgotten by everyone. But again, that just shows how desperate the McCain people are: They've never been able to conceive of a long-term strategy to hit Obama with. It's all about petty snipe attacks which die out quickly. And for as much as McCain is investing heavily in this now, it will pay no dividends by the time August is over and only makes it harder for his moderate supporters to continue to support him. And worst of all for Republicans, it's not going to hurt President Obama in the least.

Hail The All-Mighty Speech

Wow. Simply, wow.

Heading into a third day of speeches in the near-empty chamber, Republicans acknowledged that the average price of gas and oil has declined in recent weeks. But they claimed credit for part of that reduction.

“I think the market is responding to the fact that we are here talking,” said Rep. John Shadegg (R-Ariz.) at a joint press conference with other GOP lawmakers. “I think the market realizes this kind of pressure from Congress may, in fact, lead to a change in policy.”

I've heard some lousy political arguments in my time, but this has got to be the absolute worst. This is beyond a joke, and the best these dopes can hope for is that nobody hears about it. Their idiotic political stagecraft of giving speeches nobody would hear was bad enough, but to pretend as if the speeches nobody heard can do what speeches can't do...mind boggling.

But of course, the problem the Republicans are having is that all the smart ones were too corrupt for their own good and got ran off, while the rest of these chumps were just empty suits hired to follow orders. The DeLays, Lotts, and Gingrichs wanted foot soldiers, not brains who could think for themselves. And now that all the brains are gone, they're stuck with these dopes who understand that they're supposed to be on the attack, but have absolutely no clue as to how it's supposed to work.

At this point, the only thing saving these boobs is that the media was so well-trained by the GOP machine that they won't report it. But nothing can save them. This won't hurt them if nobody hears about it, but at least they're not doing any damage. And after all the mess these jerks have caused, that's really quite the blessing. Thank god for Republican corruption!

Obama Doom Mongering

One of the big flaws with liberals is that we’re romantics at heart. For as much as we bitch and moan about the problems in the world, in the end, we expect the good guys to win and the bad guys to confess to everything while being handcuffed by the sheriff. But of course, that rarely happens in real life. As long as you’re smart and can afford a good defense, you can literally get away with murder, no matter how guilty you are.

And so it always bugs me when Republicans go on the attack and libs start buckling under and worrying that we’re losing. After all, the Republicans all seem so confident and it just seems as if every punch is unexpected. Obama’s now already on the ropes and it’s just a matter of time before they come in for the kill. Woe is us.

And that’s bullshit. The Republicans are waging an absolutely horrible campaign in a year that they had almost no chance of winning to begin with, and the fact that the media keeps repeating idiotic attacks against Obama gets people worried. We’ve got pundits on TV talking about how they used to support McCain, but how his recent negative attacks make him look bad, and we’re to imagine that this means we’re screwed. Everything’s a loser for us. Let’s just pack up and go home.

But of course, I would never switch sides on this in a million years. McCain’s in a horrible horrible position and voters are just not going to like him, and the new negativity isn’t helping at all. Like the idiotic tire gauge issue. That’s just dumb. As is the Paris Hilton, Britney Spears “celebrity” attack. And for as much as the attacks make me laugh, I also want to tear my hair out in frustration every time I hear liberals complain as if these are hard hitting attacks that are dooming us. They aren’t. The only way these lame attacks can hurt is if we allow them to distract us and act as if they worked. And that’s exactly what these people are doing.

Strength from Weakness

And look, Republicans will NEVER admit they’re weak or desperate. In fact, they’ll act like they’re at their strongest when they’re at their very weakest. That’s a guarantee. It’s all about deception with these people and we can’t use the fact that they keep attacking Obama as any indication of anything.

As we speak, many of McCain’s media admirers are already admitting on television that he’s running a dirty campaign that embarrasses them. It won’t be too much longer until they realize this is the “real” John McCain and that they had been duped. And I predicted this months ago. August is a long month in presidential politics, and if they’re already bad mouthing his attacks now, he’ll be totally screwed by October, which is when most voters really start paying attention

And hey, we’ll never win everyone over. People just aren’t like that. Your crazy uncle will still keep accepting those insane Obama-bashing emails as gospel truth, and it’s almost impossible that McCain will get less than 40% of the electorate, and he’s likely to get more than 45%. But 45% is a trouncing in presidential politics. We don’t need to convince everyone. Karl Rove will never admit that Obama is in a far superior political position. In real life, bad guys rarely ever confess. McCain will not throw in the towel.

But we don’t need confessions, or Karl Rove, or your crazy uncle. We just need for liberals to not get discouraged or distracted by Republican attacks. John McCain can’t win this thing and he’s not supposed to. He’s just supposed to hurt Obama. We just need to be strong, in order to prevent that from happening. Remember, they impeached Clinton when he was at his most popular and it was a huge embarrassment for them. And so far, Obama's team seems far savvier than Clinton's ever did. The only people who need to be worried are the Bushies who are about to have all the dirty laundry exposed next year.

Everyone's Public

WTF?? Here are the last two paragraphs in a news story about the anthrax attack guy who killed himself:

In the past year, the FBI has turned its attention to Ivins, whom a therapist said had a history of homicidal and sociopathic behavior. Social worker Jean C. Duley won a protective order against Ivins on July 24 after telling a judge the scientist was a homicidal sociopath.

Duley, 45, also has a minor criminal record, according to court records. She pleaded guilty in April to driving under the influence and was fined $500 and placed on probation for nearly a year. In October 2006, she pleaded guilty to reckless driving and was fined $580. A 1992 charge of possessing drug paraphernalia was dismissed.

How in god's name is it relevant that the woman this dude was stalking had a DUI, or that she got busted for having a pipe or something sixteen years ago? I'm continually amazed at how easily anyone can become a public figure overnight. Apparently, all you've got to do now is to be stalked by a homicidal chemist and they'll start printing your arrest record across the country. It might have been better for her to have just put up with the stalking. Now she's got the media after her.

Losing Mrs Hilton

Paris Hilton's mom is right: McCain's ad attacking Obama for being like Paris Hilton is a huge waste of campaign funds. Ultimately, the only real purpose of this is to hurt Obama, but it doesn't really help McCain at all. And they're not designed to. John McCain is going to lose this election and his handlers only want him to help them hurt Obama. That's it. And they don't care if McCain's reputation is destroyed in the process; they'll just keep using him like they always have. He's been their loyal puppet ever since they pounded him in 2000, and now they're flushing him down the toilet in the hopes that he gets Obama wet in the process.

And honestly, the fact that McCain doesn't see this is yet more reason to not allow him anywhere near the Whitehouse. They're totally using him, and he's so eager to hurt Obama that he's letting it happen. And that's just no way to run a country. A smarter politico would know from the start that these people aren't his friends, but McCain's in such a bad spot that he really doesn't have any other choice. The guys he had originally were all lobbyists who didn't know how to run a political campaign, and now they've all been replaced by a-holes who only know how to hurt people.

But really, nothing could have saved McCain. This is Obama's year and McCain wasn't even a strong choice among a weak batch of Republicans. He was the default candidate who was destined to lose. It's just too bad that he's been tricked into losing it badly.