Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Ok folks, the time has come. I've been running my stealth presidential campaign for the past two decades building up to this momentous moment: That's right, my presidential exploratory committee has finally come up with a decision on who I should pick as my vice presidential choice, were I to decide to run for president. And after much discussion over a lot of beer, we have finally come up with our decision, and it is none other than...Barack Obama.

That's right, Barack Obama is going to be the next Vice President of the United States. And really, once you think about it, it's really a no-brainer. We did some poll testing and it turns out that people like the guy, they really do. Plus, we figured that letting the Clinton and Rove teams vet our choice would be a heckeva lot smarter than having our guys do the standard Google search we were planning to do. And hey, since a lot of people feel a tad bit uncomfortable with having such an unknown quantity into the top spot, it just made sense to let him rest on the sidelines as my understudy for eight years, letting him learn the ropes with training wheels on. People will like that.

And so that's it. I thought I'd share this with you, my loyal readers, first, before we unload it on all the networks later in the week. My handlers didn't think that was such a great idea, but screw them. Those bitches work for me! Anyway, so that's the big news. Hope you're pleased.

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