Hey, guess what guys. I just got a $70 billion loan to help ease a credit shortage I just recently found myself in due to some poor investments that, in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have made. Like that plan to drill for diamonds on the moon; not as feasible as I had first imagined. And then there was the dough I plopped into the Alan Keyes for President fund. Won't be seeing any return on that investment, at least not this election cycle, anyway. Oh, and as it turns out, it's not just Nigerian princes you can't trust. The ones in Cameroon are no good either. Who knew?
Anyway, long story short, I suddenly found myself with a smaller asset portfolio than I had tricked myself into believing, while at the same time it began to dawn on my creditors that having the middle name "Money" doesn't actually guarantee that I will always have some (and yes, my full name is Doctor Money Biobrain). And so there I was, hat in hand, ready to be tossed to the wolves, when I got a lucky break. Turns out that there were loads of bigtime money guys who had invested billions in my blog stocks, and realized that if I was totally broke, I might need to get a real job and wouldn't be able to keep up the high quality of my blog. And if my blog went down, the Street would come down with me.
And so they bailed me out; for all $70 billion I needed. To be honest, I was only $65 billion in the hole, but hey, a man needs his beer money. So I'll be pocketing the difference. Pretty sweet huh. And all I had to do was to act incredibly irresponsible at the same time that everyone else was acting incredibly irresponsible. It's like magic. I can't wait until it's time to rinse and repeat. Next time, I'll go for a cool $100 billion. I love zeroes.