I did it folks! My campaign to have Pluto stripped of its status as a planet was a total success; thus completing the first step in my War on Pluto. Of course, I couldn’t have done it without you little people. All the emails, phone calls, and protests really added-up, and I got to say that some of those death threats were just brilliant. Those pansy-assed science freaks didn’t know what hit them. As I’ve said before, the only thing these people understand is brute force…well, and celestial physics. But I really couldn’t figure out how I could use that against them. So brute force had to do…and it did.
And for the future, I don’t want to give too much of my plans away, but my next step will be to get some really embarrassing pictures of Pluto with its “moon” Charon in various compromising positions, even if it means I have to Photoshop them. And after that, total annihilation. I never liked the way Pluto looked, with its eccentric orbit and 3:2 orbital resonance with Neptune. Just bad news all the way. And now with the newfound power I’m receiving from this blog (which is growing exponentially in popularity every day), whole new worlds of possibility have opened up for me.
Who knows, maybe once I’m done with Pluto, I can focus my energies on the Sun. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the Sun and love what it does for people’s skin (especially on hot chicks). But damn if someone could perhaps think about turning it down just a little bit, at least during the summertime. I don’t know about where you are, but it’s hot as hell here where I am and I don’t think I can take this for much longer. And why so bright? I mean, I like to have as much fun as the next guy, but burning corneas out is not cool. But that’s just on the backburner right now, as we need to keep our focus on that jackoff dwarf planet Pluto. We’ve won the first round, but I’ve got a crazy feeling like we may have just angered it and will certainly need to redouble our efforts if we’re finally to remove our solar system of that damnable rock. Keep the faith, people! We will prevail!