A Few of My Favorite Palins

On a previous post in which I chastised the media for being oblivious to its role in perpetuating the myth of Sarah Palin's Facebook empire, a commenter named Maria chastised me for not doing more to hightlight what a ninny Palin is.  And looking through my blog, I realized that Maria was correct and I never have cited a list of statements which explain why I think she's a ninny.  And so here are a few of my favorites, based upon About.com's list of Palinisms.  Enjoy!

"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

But of course, there is no Department of Law, the DOJ isn't in the Whitehouse, and it can't dismiss ethics complaints.  But besides that, she nailed it.

"It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out." --Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

Yes, we wouldn't want to take the "quitter's way out" when we're quitting.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media." --Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008

Yes, because the Constitution was written to perserve our right to ask questions without anyone referring to it as negative campaigning.  And no, this wasn't her only quote in which she suggested that the 1st Amendment was meant to protect us from free speech.

"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008

Wow, even Dick "Fourth Branch" Cheney never got in there with the Senators and made policy changes.  But perhaps that's because he knew it'd just be easier to have Bush do it with signing statements.

"I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest!" --Sarah Palin, confusing supporters at a campaign rally who had shouted "We can't hear you!" and "Louder!", Richmond, Va., Oct. 13, 2008

Yes, because it's our military that gives us the right to free speech and not, say, the Constitution.  And we all remember the war fought to preserve the 1st Amendment.  And finally, I'd like to thank Palin for having the courage and the honor of acknowledging that it takes courage and honor to thank our veterans.  Normally, only the vets are seen as having courage and honor in this scenario, so I'm glad to see that the great sacrfices made by those who thank these people has finally been noticed.

"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch video clip)

For the record, I've read every newspaper that has Garfield in it.

Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"

Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"

Couric: "Can you think of any?"

Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008

Note to Palin: Stalling makes you look even less intelligent.  And yes, Katie Couric ate Palin's lunch.

"When I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think, 'Man, that doesn't do us any good, women in politics, or women in general, trying to progress this country." --Sarah Palin, on complaints from Hillary Clinton's campaign about sexist coverage, Spring 2008

No, the woman candidate with the perceived whine about that excess criticism and sharper microscope doesn't do women any good.  Honestly, this stuff is too easy.  Once you remove the verbal garbage from her statements, all you're left with is sheer nonsense.

And speaking of which, here's one of my favorite clips, which has to be seen to be fully appreciated.  When asked by Katie Couric why we should give $700 billion to bailout financial institutions instead of middle-class families (an answer I could easily give in just a few sentences), Palin responds, saying:

That’s why I say, I like every American I’m speaking with we're ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the tax payers looking to bailout.  But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy– Helping the — Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too. Shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade we’ve got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive scary thing. But 1 in 5 jobs being created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

Indeed, while in our reality, the bailout was necessary because the banks were about to go under, in Palin's reality, the purpose of the bailout was to help those concerned with healthcare reform, as well as to aid in job creation, healthcare reform, reducing taxes, reining in spending, tax reductions, tax relief, trade, and job creation.  Honestly, the fact that Couric's head didn't expode during that answer is the reason she makes the big bucks.

And hey, no list of Palinisms would be complete without a clip of the one person who can truly do justice to the unnatural poetry of Sarah Palin.


Ex-Governor Chatbot

And please note, none of these quotes were mere tongue slips or tough answers to trick questions.  In fact, were one to look for a common theme among all of these statements, it would be that the speaker hadn't the slightest clue what they were talking about and was forced to substitute complete and utter bullshit for coherence.  And indeed, I have no doubt that this is the case.  Palin was so full of nonsense that she isn't even aware of how nonsensical she is.  At least Bush knew when he was bullshitting.  I'm afraid Palin never does.

As I've suggested in the past, Palin is little more than a poorly trained chatbot, filled with lots of meaningful phrases, but lacking any real ability to connect them together into rational thought.  As I said previously, the wonder isn't that she's incoherent, but rather, that anyone imagines she's making any sense at all. I submit to you that anyone who believes that Palin can convey rational thoughts simply isn't paying attention.  Even when she's right, she doesn't know it.  She's simply happy to have gotten to the end of the statement.

Palin isn't a dumb person, per se, but merely one who has such a superficial understanding of the universe that the concept of attemping to comprehend reaility is entirely lost on her.  She's a shark who knows how to survive, but doesn't really put any thought into how that happens.  But perhaps I'm mistaken about this, and someone can point to me all the truly intelligent things she's said, and I will stand corrected.  Your move, Maria.