I did it! It's done. I finally found the perfect solution to the Israel-Palestine question that's been plaguing mankind for all these years. I can't go into any details at this time as negotiations are still on-going, but I have no doubts that the final details will be worked out in no time. There is still an issue of the people of Omaha complaining, but you'd be amazed about how quickly someone can pack-up and move when offered the proper incentives. And as we've seen in Iraq, there is no better incentive than a jack-booted thug kicking down your door at two in the morning.
Trust me, this one's in the bag. All you've got to do is to write your Senator, and we should be in the home stretch.