Despite the fact that I've never read a Harry Potter book or seen a Harry Potter movie, its influence on our culture is so great that I am now a gay magician. I just thought I should let you know.
Update: Nevermind. I just tried conjuring up a fancy German beer while having sex with a dude, and neither went as expected. The sex was awkward and unsatisfying and the beer was a Schlitz, which sounds German but isn't. Oh well, looks like it's back to being straight and mortal.