Saturday, October 13, 2007

Nobel Gore

So Al Gore won my fricking Nobel. Well that's just great. My god, like all those trips through the time machine straightening out Bush's repeated nuclear disasters isn't enough anymore. Then again, I suppose there's nothing more peaceful than nuclear annihilation (after it's all over anyway), so I guess I'm really just causing a big ruckus with all my world salvations, huh. Oh well, at least I still have you, my loyal readers.

I thought Josh Marshall got the best analytical scoop on the whole thing. The two biggest losers of the day were Bush and Nader. Not that they're likely to see it that way, but it's a fact. Bush because the only way he could win a Nobel is if they came out with one for killing people and screwing everything up, and Nader for suggesting that Bush was the same as Gore. I wonder when Nader will get his.

Then again, it's not likely that Gore would have won the award if he had become president, and unless he could have prevented 9/11 (which isn't entirely unpossible), he would have gotten the blame for that, which could have been enough for him to lose in 2004 (after all, the only people who can be blamed for things are the people who are expected to get it right). Hell, I don't see how Republicans wouldn't have been forced to whip out the Double-Secret Immediate Impeachment that only they know about, just to get rid of him. Naturally, it also gets rid of his VP and replaces them both with Reagan's ghost, as re-enacted by Dick Cheney.

So maybe things all worked out for the best. And as long as you've got me and my trusty time machine to straighten things out, everything should be alright. And yes, you've been experiencing the absolute best-case scenario for a Bush presidency. The second-best scenario involved flipper babies and a global Buddhist takeover in 2011. Very bad. It was all downhill after that. You're welcome.

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