Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Where There's Smoke...

Guest Post by Doctor Snedley, Personal Assistant to Doctor Biobrain

Imagine that you were watching a really good episode of Matlock, and Matlock’s got the bad guy on the stand and is really grilling the guy hardcore.  But right when it got to the moment of truth, it all fell apart.  Not only does the guy not give a shameful confession, but Matlock can’t prove that the guy did it, or even figure out what the exact crime might be.  

Now, if Matlock were a liberal, what would he do?  What else: Give the guy the presumption of innocence and just let him walk away scot-free.  And sure, maybe he’d keep doing background research and try to find out what the guy may have done wrong.  But one thing’s clear: He’d let the guy off the hook.  No Jack Bauer treatment.  Not even an ominous threat to the guy’s family.  He’d just keep hoping the guy would finally confess to a crime that Matlock was entirely in the dark on.

We can all thank God that Matlock’s not a liberal, as that would make for an excruciatingly boring program.  The kind of thing that forces PBS to continue to suck at the taxpayer’s teat.  But that’s not our Matlock.  Hell no.  He gets his guy on the stand, and by the end, the guy’s just begging to confess.  His kindly old man routine always lulls them into a false sense of security, and then BAM!, he lays down the boom with a line of questioning that would make the pope squirm.

And sure, that’s just a fictional character and in real life we’re still unfortunately stuck relying on our Jack Bauers to get the life-saving confessions.  But you get the point.  We don’t have the time to wait for people to confess before we bring them down for the offenses we know they’ve committed.  And once you’ve already gone through all the trouble of raking someone over the coals, it’s a little late to backtrack and pretend they’re innocent.  Where there’s smoke, there’s fire; and grills can always be made to smoke.

A Little or a Lot

And where am I getting with this?  John Solomon’s awesome takedown of Hillary Clinton’s charity scam.  To hear the liberals tell it, Solomon is on some sort of mindless witchhunt.  And why do they say that?  Because his article never actually got around to saying exactly what Clinton did wrong, besides a meaningless clerical oversight.  As if!  With a calculating bitch like Hillary, nothing is meaningless and there are no oversights.  Every dot missing i and non-crossed t is absolutely intentional.

And for me, that’s the whole point.  I mean, for her to arrange things so that even a professional journalist from a major newspaper can’t find anything…  Doesn’t pass the smell test.  And we’re not just talking about a reporter from any newspaper.  We’re talking the Washington Fricking Post.  These are the guys who brought down Nixon.  And if they can unwrap the Nixon Whitehouse, you know they’re bloodhounds.  Somebody should make a movie about them.

And so it’s obvious that Hillary’s up to no good.  As are the rest of those damn Dems.  Clinton just joined the ranks of Reid, Edwards, Kerry, and many other cunning players who run their scams so tightly that no one can figure out what they did wrong or why we should care.  Republicans are veritable Boy Scouts in comparison.  I mean, they can’t even run a simple bribery scheme without it getting written up in all the papers, and have had more Congressmen taken down in corruption scandals than ones who step down the normal way.  Now those are people you can trust.

As has been said before, if someone’s not stealing a little, they’re stealing a lot.  And by the looks of things, the Democrats are the new mafia.  At least with Republican politicians, you know you’re just looking at a few free lunches, golf junkets, discount mansions, and endless streams of nubile young boys.  But with Dems…who knows.  The less we find, the more we must imagine.  And we can imagine a lot.  The mind reels.

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