Student Bodies with Bullets

I just read of a growing movement which is pushing for concealed handguns on college campuses. Basically, the idea is that if a madman (or madmen) try to start a shooting spree on campus, he/they will instead be creating a gun battle free-for-all where anyone with a gun can join in (and they will); thus spoiling the fun of the madman (madmen), who will no longer have the shooting spree to himself/themselves. Yes! My trigger finger is itching already.

But don't worry. I'm sure each of the non-madmen will know exactly who the "bad guys" are, as will the campus police. So this won't create a scenario where all the people with guns end up shooting all the other people with guns, not knowing which ones are the good guys or bad guys; as well as anyone foolish enough to be on a college campus unarmed. Besides, I've played these games enough to know that you can just use the "Friendly Fire" option and so the only people you can hurt are the bad guys. Only an idiot would attempt this without that option selected.

I quote from the article:

Campuses in higher-crime urban neighborhoods also pose risks for students, said Michael Flitcraft, a 23-year-old mechanical engineering student at the University of Cincinnati.

He argues, like most gun rights advocates, that weapons-free regulations only deter law-abiding students, not thugs or mentally ill shooters.

"Laws only affect the people who voluntarily abide by them," Flitcraft said.

That's right. And it's really too bad too. Laws are great, but the fact that they're voluntary undermines them completely. Wouldn't it be better if we had some way of making them involuntary, so they applied to everyone equally? Like a group of people who were given special privileges to act as law "enforcers." And call me a dreamer, but how about if we then created an entire system devoted towards "judging" whether or not people obeyed the laws, which would include a mechanism where by we could punish those who did not obey the law. Perhaps even special places where we could "imprison" them for a specific time period. Wouldn't that be great?

But no. As things are, laws are only for the dopes willing to obey them. And what's the point of that? If only the good guys obey the laws, we might as well not even have them, because they're good guys and weren't going to do anything wrong anyway. So I agree with Michael Flitcraft completely in his call to do away with all laws. No longer will good guys be forbidden from robbing homes or smoking dope. Why let the criminals have all the fun? Hell, I betcha Flitcraft could probably use a big bong hit right now, if only to take the sting out of having such a bad last name.

And murder most definitely needs to be legalized. Again, if anyone needs to be dead, it's bad guys; and it's not like we can expect bad guys to kill each other, right? Particularly not if they've got the the Friendly Fire option on. So it only makes sense that we legalize murder, so the good guys can start doing it too. After all, if you outlaw murder, then only outlaws will commit murder, right? And that's total bullshit. Good guys should get to murder people too.

I have a dream that one day every dormroom in our nation will be armed to the teeth, and that classroom debates will be decided by the one with the largest weapon. I have a dream that one day our nation's students will respond to each bullet fired by a hail of twenty bullets in return, which will in turn be rebutted with sixty bullets, etc. That'll teach the stupid SOB's.

This is my hope: Some day, I'll be walking around your campus with a Magnum on my belt and a Winchester under my coat, and there won't be a damn thing anyone can do about it until I start shooting; after which all hell will break loose. Now is the time we make vigilante justice a reality for all our students. Let shotguns ring!


Update: I crossposted this at Daily Kos, including a poll. If you're bored, go take the poll. But it's a scientific poll, so no screwing around or you'll mess up the whole thing.