Post-Party Politics: DC Style

This is yet another in my series of glorious posts that I wrote while commenting at other blogs which really needed to be told to you guys; an idea I explained here. This time, I explain the biggest mistake that the Clintons made that led to many of our current political difficulties, and how Obama changes all that.

I do think the Clintons made one gigantic blunder when they took office. It’s my understanding that they didn’t attend the right parties or pay respect to the right Village elders when they moved into the Whitehouse. And that was the biggest mistake they could make. It’s unfortunate, but our capital is infested with a clique that views D.C. as their own personal social circle. And there can never be a bigger offense with these kinds of superficial twits than to diss them. After all, appearances is all they understand.

And the Clintons came in and brought their friends with them and didn’t fit in, and that just wasn’t right. Republicans had controlled the Whitehouse for twelve years and D.C. had just become accustomed to how things were supposed to be. After all, one of the big Clinton “scandals” we wasted taxpayer money on was Travelgate, where the Clintons had a problem with the people in the Whitehouse travel office and cleaned house. Unfortunately, the media were friends with those people, and so it became a front-page story that had to be investigated endlessly. But that’s just how it goes with these kinds of people. They’re too shallow to be partisan or ideological; they just like to socialize.

And that’s why they hated Al Gore. They could diss him in ways that they never could with Bill. At least with Bill, he was smooth, but with a BS-y kind of charm, so that even while you were impressed by him, you still felt like he was up to something. And so they never could hurt him. But Gore was a Boy Scout, and so they had tons of fun beating the tar out of him. And in the process, it made them like Bush, who not only was a hometown favorite, but he also had a certain BS-iness to him, though without any charm. And so they liked that too and could hype Bush in order to pile on Gore.

And so when Kerry came along, they were still in love with Bush, and so they had to punish Kerry. Plus, Kerry was boring and also had a kind of Boy Scout-ness to him that they disliked. No charm at all with that guy. But all the same, he never got attacked like Gore or Clinton did. Sure, they mocked him, but not nearly to the same degree. Were it not for the fraudulent terror warnings and some well-placed voter fraud, Kerry would have won.

And so now we can have Obama and all that can change. Because he is charming. He’s interesting. He’s fresh. And best of all, he talks like he can socialize at parties with Republicans without anyone getting embarrassed by a heated discussion. They’ll love him and he’ll spice up their brain-free parties considerably. The Bush people have now overstayed their welcome, and the Village is looking for something new. And for as much as the media likes McCain, he’s old news. They’ll never forgive Hillary, but I predict the Village will firmly embrace Obama, and that will make all the difference in the world.