Punkass Republicans

It’s got to suck to be a Republican. I mean, besides all the obvious reasons, they’ve got this fantastic worldview, but just can’t seem to find any facts to back it up. How frustrating.

In this case, I’m speaking of the newly-formed Tech Republican website, which is apparently based upon the idea that the GOP’s top-notch marketing campaign just isn’t doing enough to sell their pitch online. I mean sure, slick marketing is really the only thing that’s been keeping Republicans afloat for the past decade, and that their recent doom can be entirely attributed to the fact that marketing just isn’t good enough when you really suck. But apparently, I’m wrong. It seems there were 82,000 Republicans who actively read politics online who would have swung the election in their favor last November, if only there was some online source to tell them about it…or something like that.

And what is another way that Tech Republican plans to reach-out to the younger crowds? Punk Rock music. Sure, you might be thinking that punk rock music has been dead for quite awhile, and really wasn’t that great to begin with. But you’d be wrong. And if you thought that Punk Rock music was anathema to Republicans, you’d also be wrong. Because Tech Republican says so.

As evidence of that, they cite two websites GOPunk.com and Conservative Punk. That's right. Two. And sure, GOPunk.com consists only of one idiotic page and Conservative Punk has only posted forty-eight columns since it started in 2003, with only one this year, an abysmal record that makes me look like a real workhorse. But that’s not the point. The point is that someone put up two websites that indicate that punk people might be Republican, and that’s a trend if I’ve ever seen one. One website could be a freak occurrence. But two? That’s the real deal, my friend.

And here’s the big one that got me started:
And, as a Republican, I'm proud to have John Cummings in our Party. You may know John as Johnny Ramone, of one of the best bands of all time, the Ramones. The Ramones are largely regarded as being the first punk rock band and they happen to be Republicans.

And what's more pathetic? That Mr. Tech didn't seem to know that Johnny Ramone died? That he seemed unaware that one of his favorite bands wasn't really Republican? Or that he's likely to stop listening to them now that he knows? While the decision is tough, I'll go with that last one. Because it's the worst. He likes the Ramones because he thinks they're Republican and has been misintrepreting their lyrics this whole time. What a dope.

But the most pathetic part: Here he is trying to prove a point about punk rockers digging Republicans, and can only cite two pathetic websites, a dead rocker, and a false fact. Typical.

I had more to say about this, but fuck it. I'm just going to rock out instead. 1-2-3-4!