My head explodes:
The petition, which had more than 900 signatures by Tuesday morning, urges the California actor-turned-governor to pardon [Paris] Hilton because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives."
I suppose anyone willing to sign their name to such an insulting petition probably does need the beauty and excitement that Paris provides. It went on to suggest that Paris deserves a pardon because Nixon got one. Celebrity news makes me want to smoke crack.