Declassified Intel: The Bushies Still Suck

Sometimes I just don’t know what to think anymore. Like take the latest story of the Bush Admin declassifying select intel to help themselves politically. I’m not sure why that alone isn’t a bigger story than the lame intel they actually declassified, but if the Bushies are still good at one thing, it’s bluffing the newspeople into not knowing right from wrong. After all, why would they want something written in a news story if it was a bad thing for them to admit to?

But even the intel itself doesn’t make sense. In case you hadn’t read it yet, apparently, in 2005 Bin Laden sent a dude to Iraq to tell Zarqawi to form terrorist sleeper cells to attack inside the US, and this is proof that Iraq is an important staging ground for Al Qaeda to wage attacks on the US, which is why we can never leave Iraq.

Huh?? What the hell sense does that even make? All I can imagine is that Osama’s been watching Cheney on Meet the Press and somehow has bought into the idea that Iraq is a really great place to stage attacks from. Perhaps he’s even using Cheney’s same maps, which place Iraq where Canada is or something, I don’t know. But I fail to see how Iraq is a particularly good place to stage attacks on the US from.

I mean, first off, it’s fucking far away; which is has traditionally been considered a big negative when staging attacks; with military strategists tending to prefer closeness instead. Though I suppose it’s possible the Bushies have yet to declassify the intel that now tells us that Al Qaeda has teleporters or perhaps magic dragons that allow them to overcome that complication.

And then secondly, Iraq is chock full of American soldiers, which serve both as obvious targets and dreaded obstacles. In fact, of all the places where you might want to recruit terrorist sleeper cells able to attack inside the US, I’d have to say that Iraq might be one of the worst places; second only to Gitmo.

And one of the best places? Inside the US. I hate to give away that big secret, in case Bin Laden hasn’t already figured that one out, but I kind of think he already has. That he just puts out his message of anti-American hatred, easily justified in anti-American minds by our imbecilic invasion of Iraq; and there you go. After that, these sleeper cells form on their own and stage their own small scale attacks to scare the bejesus out of us.

And again, maybe I just gave away some secret, but I sort of suspect that I haven’t. That these are no-brainers that even the cunningly dangerous, yet simple-minded terrorists have realized. And that one thing they wouldn’t do is to send a dude to Iraq to tell Zarqawi to do something that would be fairly difficult for him to do. In fact, if I had to make a guess, I’d say that this intel may have been gained using our famed “non-torture” techniques which are more likely to get false confessions than real ones, and that the victims just said what they thought their interrogators wanted to hear.

That sounds far more likely than what we’re being told. But if the intel is right and this really is Bin Laden’s idea of strategy, then perhaps that might explain why we haven’t been attacked yet. It’s not that they haven’t been trying. It’s that they’re as fully dumb as Cheney needs them to be to continue to hoist his own lame-brained ideas upon us.

But I sort of doubt that this is the case, and that the real reason we haven’t been attacked is because our enemy isn’t nearly as all-powerful as we’ve been led to believe. They don’t have teleporters or magic dragons, but rather are stuck using the same set of realities that afflict all of us. And that means that Iraq isn’t a particularly crucial staging ground for Al Qaeda attacks on America and that, once again, the Bush Administration has shown itself to be entirely full of shit. Or says the now declassified documents that my personal intelligence agency has given me.