Fighting Them There

Guest Post by Doctor Snedley, Personal Assistant to Doctor Biobrain

Why does Juan Cole want the bacterium to win?  I quote from his most recent gloat-fest:

Steven Silberman of Wired Magazine is reporting that the treatment and evacuation medical facilities for treating US troops injured in Iraq have become infected with an opportunistic bacterium, acinetobacter baumanii, that under intense exposure to antibiotics has evolved to become immune to them. The Pentagon initially suggested that the pathogen was in the soil in Iraq, but an investigation showed that actually they were picking it up in the hospitals to which they were evacuated. While this bacterium largely preys on the already-weak and ailing, it isn't good news that we've evolved it to be untreatable.

Not good news, is it?  Perhaps Dr. Cole would prefer to be fighting these bacterium here in America, rather than over in Iraq; but I for one am proud to see our fighting men taking up yet another front on the War on Terror.  And frankly, I’ve never even seen a “bacterium” and I suspect that Professor Cole hasn’t either.  But from what I understand, they’re very, very small and our soldiers are very, very big.  And they’re probably not even armed.  Hardly a worthy adversary.  So if this is what it takes to keep America safer, I’m all for it.  Too bad Juan Cole can’t say the same thing.

And do you see how quickly he assumes that this bacterium wasn’t part of Saddam’s discarded WMD programs, merely because an investigation showed that it wasn’t?  Why would he do that, unless he wanted to believe that Saddam wasn’t responsible?  I mean, Iraq is the approximate size and shape of California and there are a lot of places Saddam could have dumped these bacterium in California.  The fact that he was stuck hiding them in the sands of his own country is yet more unequivocal proof that Bush did the right thing by invading.  And now Cole’s complaining because our soldiers are fighting against another of his allies.  Typical.

And if anything, Juan Cole’s credibility on this whole issue is clearly in doubt.  He’s been rooting against our troops from the start, and yet we’re suddenly to believe that he’s all so concerned about their health?  That he doesn’t want them to die?  Then why is he so quick to call them “untreatable”?  Just because we lack the means of treating them now?  That’s surely pro-bacterial propaganda.  And isn’t the fact that this bacterium evolved to be untreatable yet more evidence of the dangers of evolution?  Of course.  Yet Cole would much rather throw all the blame on his favorite strawman, President Bush; rather than the more appropriate target, Charles Darwin, the man who invented evolution.  But how could he?  Darwin’s not American.  So he’s clearly absolved from being on Cole’s enemy’s list.  And that fact alone is enough to cast doubt on anything that he might ever say.

Even his name impugns his own credibility.  Juan…Cole??  What the hell kind of name is that?  Hispanic first name, Anglo last name; total confusion.  It’s like he can’t even tell what color he is.  For all we know, he could be one of the bacteriums.  Like I’ve said, I’ve never seen a bacterium.  But if I did, I sincerely doubt that it would look like a white person.  

And so while I’d be happy to admit to error if I was wrong, the fact that Juan Cole is the source of this story is yet more evidence that it’s entirely imaginary and just more anti-American terror tactics by the scare-mongers on the left.  They see bogeymen in every shadow and monsters in every closet and expect us to pull up our skirts and dance around like skittish girls every time they say “Boo!”.  And sure, that’d be fine and dandy ten or twenty years ago.  But those times are over and we’re now engaged in an existential struggle that threatens to wipe-out all known life for the rest of eternity, and so we no longer have the luxury of allowing them to sideline us with their talk of “deadly” diseases and “untreatable” bacteriums.  We’ve got a war to win.

So perhaps Professor Cole in his anti-American ivory tower would like to prepare the ground for his bacterial overlords, but I for one love freedom and will fight to my last breath to ensure that humankind remains the dominant race on this planet.  The leftists among us can try to scare us into submission but I’ve only yet begun to write the blogposts that will save us, and all the bacteriums in the world won’t stop me.  Not even Juan Cole’s.