Alright Carnival readers, you’re in for a real treat. Rather than continue in the tradition of allowing some halfwit lib with the obligatory reading comprehension problem to muck-up yet another carnival, the hosts of Carnival of the Liberals have decided to once again turn over their lovely little wankfest to the hands of a real adult. That’s right. Doctor Snedley’s back, to once again restore dignity, honor, and respect to this pissant spectacle you jerkoffs call a carnival.
As a change from the typically incoherent “I’m Ok, You’re Ok” feelgood BS selections, I’m going to expand my power as Carnival Czar to go ahead and pick one clear winner. And the winner is…
Gavin R. Putland of /etc/cron.whenever for his magnificent opus The Corporate Solution to Rape. As Gavin conclusively proves, the free-market system out-performs intrusive government intervention at every turn. While the typical lib reaction is to treat “rape” as yet another law enforcement issue, Mr. Putland clearly demonstrates how even these darker areas of relationship disputes can have a much more positive resolution. In fact, Putland’s argument sounded so great, even I haven’t the vaguest clue as to what he was talking about. But his general point seemed to confirm everything I’ve wanted to hear, so I know it’s got to be true.
Congrats, Gavin! You’re the Carnival of the Liberals’ first ever solo winner.
As for the other nine entries, it was much more difficult. So I narrowed things down first by removing all of the ad hominem rant-filled hate-fests so typical of these liberal echo chambers. Sure, sure, everyone has a right to an opinion. But the instance I even suspected some jerkwad was badmouthing our Commander-in-Chief, I knew it was time to forward the post to the DHS and move on. I’m quite positive each of these traitors is now fully aware of the grave error they perpetrated upon humanity. I’ve always found that orange jumpsuits have a funny persuasiveness about them that is simply undeniable.
And after removing these blackguards and terrorist-sympathizers, I was only left with a meager nine posts which can most politely be described as being not entirely devoid of rationality and morality. So here they are, in no particular order.
The Best of the Worst
Barry Leiba at the aptly named Staring at Empty Pages has a problem with American democracy in his post The Primary Problem. Apparently, there’s some problem with having the sensible people of Iowa tell the zombie-like liberal masses of New York and California who they can nominate for the presidential election. He even went so far as to suggest that people can handle more than two nominees in a given election. Whatever. Try telling that to Bush v. Gore. Just two choices and we still needed the men in black to save the day.
C at C-Blog inadvertently puts the lie to the liberals’ fictitious claim that their efforts to destroy everything good, holy, and American has something to do with improving life in his post The Endlessness of Efforts to End the 'Net as We Know It. In this case, C gnashes his teeth at the obvious genius of getting rid of our tiresome personal harddrives and keeping all data on a centralized computer run by some unknown corporation with possibly hidden motives and abilities. What could possibly go wrong?
PZ Myers, the “biologist” and “professor” at the God-hating blog Pharyngula dares to tell a real-life neurosurgeon something about how the brain works in the absurdist rant Egnor’s Machine is Uninhabited by Any Ghost. Right. As they say, those who can’t teach, teach biology.
THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN ERADICATED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE NATIONAL SECURITY ACT OF 1947 (50 U.S.C. 401A(4g)).
(Ed. Note: Looks like another lib traitor has gone down the memory hole. And then there were eight...)
Greg Laden at his eponymous blog writes in Pennsylvania School Board Woes on why Leftist Propaganda should continue to be forced down the throats of America’s innocent. And with the immoral likes of Maya Angelou still being pimped to our children, it’s once again proven that literature is the Devil’s best friend. What’s next? Mandatory Marx readings to fetuses before each abortion? Simply disgusting!
Coturnix at A Blog Around the Clock uses Do Serbs Really Want to Join the EU? to prove yet again why the devil is always in the details. Because it’s a lot easier to bash America when you pretend to burrow deeply into nonsensical minutiae regarding the vast hordes of non-Americans in non-American places; in this case Serbia or Balka or some weird land I have no plans to visit. What a joke! Had God wanted us to care about non-Americans, he would surely have made them American.
Greta Christina at Greta Christina’s Blog has the audacity to suggest in Even if It's Wrong: Barack Obama, Religious Faith, and Same-Sex Marriage that morals are bad or some such thing. And why are morals bad? From all I could decipher, it has something to do with religious people using their faith in God to stifle Greta’s intent to destroy everything worthwhile and decent in this world. I betcha she hates ice cream too.
Jeremy Adam Smith at Daddy Dialectic writes in Equality vs Equality some sort of delusional fantasy that feminism isn’t a complete failure. Sure, thousands of years of clean-living (and god-fearing) history have taught us the proper role for us all to engage in. But, whatever. Let’s toss all that to the wind and try something new. What’s the worst that can happen; besides the end of humanity. But I guess that’s what it’s really all about anyway, isn’t it?
And just in case you people are still reeling from the large dose of truth-telling the people in the real world experience every day outside the liberal echo chamber, I’ve saved the last selection for a true wankfest. It’s liberal blogger Blue Steel from Pollyticks.com interviewing your very own Leo Lincourt, founder and permanent controller of your very own Carnival of the Liberals, speaking of this very Carnival. It’s a six thousand word screed devoted to the highest forms of wankery regarding liberals, carnivals, blogs, and all kinds of other stuff I couldn’t bother reading. Needless to say, it was literally dripping with anti-American venom. You'll love it.
Next week, CotL will be back to its regularly scheduled wankery, from some communistic conspiracy known only as The World Wide Webers. I'm sure my friends at the DHS can't wait for that one. Iraq ain't the only flypaper out there. Oh, and for all you libs out there who foolishly submitted posts which were not selected, don't worry. You're all losers in my book.
There, that should satisfy the little SOB’s.