Saturday, October 07, 2006

Dastardly Dems Did It

I confess. I’m to blame for the Foley Sex Scandal. No, I didn’t tell Foley to go after the dudes. And I didn’t convince the young’uns to lead Foley on with their tantalizing teenness. And I certainly wasn’t the clergyman who first exposed Foley to the joys of boy teens. But I did know about it. I did know what Foley was doing, and as such, I am fully to blame for what happened and am willing to take the proper actions in the future.

Sure, I didn’t “know” know, in any kind of meaningful sense of the word. Hell, I had never even heard of this “Congressional Page” program until this scandal broke, and think the whole thing is pretty weird. And even had I known of it, I probably wouldn’t have connected the dots to realize that some Congressman might use it as his own personal boy store. But I knew that guys like Foley would do things to people like those teens; and I did know that Republicans are hypocritical liars with little self-control or moral compass. And with that knowledge, I am more culpable than Foley in what he did, and far more culpable than the Republican leadership who coddled Foley and allowed him to continue with his dastardly activities.

I mean, it’s obvious that Foley isn’t to blame. He had that alcohol problem or whatever. And he was awestruck with infatuation for youth. So he was like putty in their world-wizened teen hands. And what about the Republican leadership? Same damn thing. Infatuated with power and booze. What choice did they have? They thought they were getting away with something, and we just led them on. This was nothing short of entrapment. We let them have their little cover-up and then WHAMMO! we struck them down just weeks before a crucial election. It’s like waking a sleepwalker and mocking them for going into shock. How unkind.

But what’s our excuse? Sure, I’m often a hopeless drunk when I write many of these posts, but I certainly don’t have an alcohol problem, and Dems have been out of power long enough that that addiction must clearly be over. So we’ve got no excuse. We could have privately imposed one of our famous addiction counseling sessions on Foley, or just continued to turn the blind eye to the immoral proclivities that we clearly preach of in absence of a deity to teach us otherwise. But no. We led them on, biding our time, and then struck like a vulture on Thanksgiving. For shame.

And what of myself? In all this I said nothing. Not once did I accuse Congressman Foley of being a teen-lusting pervert. And never once did I accuse the Republican leadership of sanctioning teen lust. Look over my blog, you’ll see. I’ve been blogging for over a year and a half, yet nary a word on the subject. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I write a lot. I mean a LOT. And in all that writing, I couldn’t spare one word to expose Congressman Foley’s perversions. Not one.

So how was Foley to know this would be a problem? He could have scoured every word I wrote and still felt secure in asking those teens how they liked to jerk it. Or probing to find out how far his online teen acquaintances would allow him to go after a night out on the town. Of this, I gave no warning at all. So I am more than complicit in this. I am to blame.

And I think if you search your soul (or the remnants there of), you’ll see that you’re to blame too. We said nothing when all the signs were right there in front of us, and then all too proudly jumped on these poor bastards right when it would hurt them the most. I mean, if these guys are so lacking in self-control and commonsense that they would screw over our children by cutting taxes during a wartime recession and already growing deficits, naughty emails were clearly the next step. We ignored the obvious warnings.

But no more. I can sit here wallowing in shame or I can do something about it. And by god, I’m now going to do something about it. No longer will I wait until people tell me that the GOP are scuzbags who can’t control themselves. No. From now on, I’m going proactive with my scuzbag alerts. Not only will I be assuming that all GOP Congressmen are schtupping young boys, but I’ll assume that all the rest of them are covering up for these dastardly deeds. I’ll be repeating that every chance I get. How can I not? I have a sixteen-year-old of my own, and while I have a hard time imagining any grown person seriously being interested in him (for no other reason than the hygiene issue, or lack there of (and that’s not even to mention the whole acne thing, which is tres gross)); but I just can’t allow ignorance to blind me.

So here it is: All Republican Congressmen are perverted scuzbag liars who are schtupping our children, raping our wives, and destroying our nation; and any protests to the contrary constitutes a gross fraud and cover-up on their part. They may accuse me of overstatement and lies, but no longer can they accuse me of saying nothing. I’ve covered my bases and will continue to do so indefinitely into the future. Not for mere partisan gain, but to protect the children. I hate to say it, but Republicans have left us with no other choice.

1 comment:

whig said...

Indeed. We will necessarily overstate our case in order to establish the parameters of the possible crime, but then limit those charges as the interests of protecting the innocent dictate. This is not a private hearing, this is now a public inquiry.

Convention of investigating grand jury