Where are the Conservatives?

I’ve got a stupid question that I might end up regretting, but I’ve got to ask anyway: Why don’t conservatives read my blog?  Or at least, why don’t any argue with me?  I don’t get it.  I’m a reasonable guy.  In fact, my ability to reason is one of my best attributes (besides that I’m wickedly funny and always right about everything (oh, and don’t forget about my great humility)).  And most conservatives say they don’t hate all liberals.  In fact, it’s the opposite.  Most conservatives insist that they don’t have anything against liberals in general.  It’s just the particular liberals they end up dealing with that are the problem.  And they also insist that they’re open to discussion with liberals and would happily agree with anything a liberal said; if only they weren’t so pigheaded and stupid.

And so I should be their guy.  Not only am I not pigheaded or stupid, I actually like arguing with people and am quite good at it.  In fact, I’d much rather argue with someone than to be in agreement.  Not only is it more interesting, but you’re more likely to find errors in your own thinking if someone is critical of what you’re saying (assuming they actually understand what you’re saying).  Besides, I used to be a conservative Republican back in my naïve college days, and can understand how people get lured to that way of thinking.

So where are the conservatives?  I don’t think I’ll ever have a predominately conservative audience, but I do expect to have some.  Publius at Legal Fiction frequently suffers from plagues of them swarming his site, and my stuff is no more radical than his.  I’m not a bomb-thrower or a knee-jerk basher.  I’m willing to listen to others.  How else could I tell them how totally wrong they are about everything?

And most of these people see themselves as being fairly moderate.  Few will admit to being diehard Republicans, and most will readily say that Republicans are almost as bad as Democrats; at least in theory.  They only vote Republican because the Democrats force them to.  And I can relate to that.  I’m fairly liberal policy-wise, but my politics are fairly moderate.  I don’t think Democrats are perfect; nor was I a Deaniac.  I’ve never been in Greenpeace or PETA.  I’m a married familyman from Texas with my own business and a fairly decent resume and education in the businessworld.  I’ve lived in the South for most of my life and the only time I didn’t was when the military transferred my dad to Alaska and Arizona.  What’s not to like?

And yet no conservatives?  I believe a few have stopped by now and again.  But that’s not nearly enough.  Sad to say, but I’ve even been known to solicit conservatives, but they don’t seem to come.  Or at least, they don’t seem to comment.  So what gives?  Is my name somehow offensive or too silly?  Is it that my arguments are too tight to rebut?  Or am I simply so persuasive that they cease being conservative once they read my stuff?  I can buy that.  My shit really is good.  But I’d just like to know.  Where the hell are the conservatives?