What I Learned at the Movies

Well I just got back from taking my five-year-old to see the movie Cars (her idea, not mine), and while I really didn’t laugh very much, I did learn a few things.  

For example, I learned that rural people are wise and that we should always listen to them, even when we think they’re unqualified; and that city people are foolhardy and should just shut-up and listen.  I also learned that city people are very selfish and only think of themselves; while rural people are very community-oriented and always think of others.  I also learned that it’s wrong for city people to be brash or rude; but it’s perfectly acceptable for rural folks to do mean and dangerous things and to be rude and treacherous.  You know, because they’re rural folks and things are just like that.  Instead, you have to earn their respect by fixing their town and hiring them for jobs you don’t need, so that they’ll eventually treat you nicely and be your friend.  And what do they have to offer in return?  Their sage advice.

Wait a minute, I didn’t learn any of that today.  I already knew all this, because I’ve listened to wingnuts telling me this stuff for years; despite the fact that they don’t seem wise, aren’t community-oriented, and aren’t grateful for city slickers funneling tax dollars to them.  But I guess that’s just my foolish, selfish city-slicker brain talking, and I should just shut-up and do what they say.

Oh, but one thing I did learn: Watching cartoon NASCAR is slightly more exciting than watching the real thing.  But I guess this was more like the equivalent of a highlight reel, and I suppose I wouldn’t sit through a few hours of cartoon racing either.  Even if the cars sound like celebrities.

Overall, it was a well-made movie, though I wouldn’t mind retiring a few of these movie clichés, at least until people stop expecting them every time.  Of course, I really don’t like full-length movie cartoons, this being the first one I’ve seen at a theater since I was little; so perhaps I’m not the best judge of this.  My daughter said she liked it, but she seemed a bit bored, didn’t laugh, and fell asleep on the way home.  She was certainly more excited about it before the movie than after.  Both of us prefer Tom & Jerry, which isn’t quite so preachy.

Oh, and one last lesson: Don’t follow your dreams.  They’re just stupid and selfish.  Instead, move to the country and learn to listen to the rural folks who are smarter than you.  That’s what’s important.  And don’t try to do anything or be special.  Instead, sacrifice your life so the idiots around you can enjoy theirs.  That’s what life’s about: City slickers going out of their way so that rural folks can feel better about themselves.  That’s just the way things are.