I just wanted to give a sad shout-out to uber-liberal hero extraordinaire Abu Musab al-Zarqawi who vainly fought the good fight in Iraq; taking the liberal cause to new heights while helping to vilify the dreaded President Bush and the Great Satan of a country we’re all stuck living in. Sure, we should be celebrating brother Zarqawi’s great accomplishments, such as single-handedly causing all of the violence in Iraq and for having created BO. But being a cowardly liberal, I am denied the option of celebrating any kind of success at all and instead will cry in a pool of my own urine. Dark days have beset us, for sure.
Even having bin Laden on our side no longer fills me with the joyful encouragement it used to. Sure, 9/11 really seemed like a great idea at the time. But with OBL cowering in caves with his gay liberal lovers for the past four years, I’m really starting to have doubts about the whole thing. Yes, yes, I know it’s sacrilege to say such things of our liberal overlords, but the hot truth of reality is already starting to infiltrate my brainwashed mind, and I’m having trouble blocking out these impure thoughts. Forgive me.
This is a sad day indeed for liberals everywhere. I am left with no other option than to renounce my liberal religion of science and bestiality, and fully acknowledge President George W. Bush as my lord and savior. He was right. We were wrong. And now with the one brave liberal dead, this has become abundantly clear. Henceforth, I’m on the winning team.
Let the tanks roll into Mecca and the Estate Tax be banished forever!