A Drunken Movie Review

I’m drunk.  And I don’t mean regular drunk.  I mean druuunk.  I had five tasty restaurant margaritas, seven or eight Tecates, and I’m currently working on a pretty mean orange juice gin combination that’s probably quite a bit stronger than it has any right to be.  Needless to say, I’ll be sleeping good tonight.  

And so I thought I’d share with you a movie review I just wrote for the less than spectacular movie, Melinda & Melinda:

The acting. Don't get me started on the acting. Each line is delivered as if it's been said one hundred thousand times, and as if each actor has no hope that they can avoid the one hundred and first time.  There are two actors in the movie who are almost acceptable. I don't contain any spoilers so I can't tell you which two they are; but needless to say, one is a pregnant white woman and the other is not.The cinemantogorphy is well done, as is the overall mood. It's a professionally-made film by somebody who knows how to make films. But the plot is ridiculous. The tragedy is funnier than the comedy and the comedy is just lame. The whole time, I kept waiting for the characters to be assassinated by an assassin's bullet. But it didn't happen. It kept going on until the end, and the end took too long to get to.  I couldn't stop laughing at the parts that I wasn't supposed to laugh at, and I couldn't start laughing at the parts I should have.Will Ferrell was horrible. I like Will Ferrell. He was horrible in this. He acted like a six year old the entire time. His character should not have been a six year old, but that is exactly how he acted. He should have been played by Woody Allen, but he was not. Woody Allen was too old to play this character, and yet he should have played it anyway. Woody Allen would have made this movie funnier, had he been in it. As it was, he wasn't in it and it wasn't as funny. I do not recommend this picture.

Anyway, that’s my drunken movie review of Melinda & Melinda.  I don’t recommend that you see it.  I don’t recommend it at all.  It had a few funny bits, but not enough funny bits to make it worth mentioning.  If you’re thinking about watching a Woody Allen movie, this is not the one that I recommend that you see.  Deconstructing Harry is good.  Take the Money and Run is always good.  Even Fog and Shadows has more working for it, and that had Madonna.  But Melinda & Melinda?  Nope.  Don’t bother.  I could make a better movie out of a used hanky and some tin foil.  I could make a better movie out of deleted Matt Damon scenes and a retired hooker.  I could make a better movie out of anything.  This is not a better movie.  This is to be avoided.  And I should know, as I’m really drunk.