God, the Devil, and This Whole Hell Thing: Part I

Part One: What a Crock!
(The first in a multi-part series)

This is something I slightly touched upon in my Titty Falafel post last month, but I really wanted to greatly expand on it; mainly because I’ve been out of touch from the real world for the past two weeks on family business and have nothing topical to write.  As the title suggests, what I want to talk about is God, the Devil, and this whole Hell thing.  What a crock!

Now, I’m not referring to the God part.  I’m an atheist, sure (or technically agnostic), but I don’t have any real problem with the whole god thing.  There is no proof of it at all, but it’s certainly plausible.  And so I don’t begrudge them their gods.  If it makes them feel better and keeps them from killing and stealing, then I’m all for it.  Especially if it’s me that they’re not killing or stealing, as I’m fairly sensitive about that kind of thing.  So, just as long as they stay out of my hair, then I’m ok with them doing whatever the hell they want with whatever the hell gods they want.  They’ve worked hard, they deserve it.

But the point I just don’t get is this whole Hell thing.  Frankly, it doesn’t make a lick of sense.  Not even a little.  I mean, the Devil hates God, right?  He was once a top angel, and then got jealous of God and eventually got in a big fight and got cast down to Hell.  And now he’s a tad bitter about it.  You know that whole thing.  It’s not in the bible, but enough people believe it that they really might want to think about including it in the rewrite.  Heck, I betcha that most Christians know that story far better than they know 75% of what really is in the bible.  But I digress. The point is just a reminder that the Devil hates God.

And the Devil’s a free-agent, right?  He doesn’t work for God.  He doesn’t do God’s bidding.  They’re enemies, plain and simple.  Right?

So why is it that the Devil spends all his time punishing God’s enemies?  I mean, really.  Someone spends their life breaking God’s laws and hurting God’s people, and then the Devil, God’s ultimate enemy, goes ahead and punishes that person?  For all of eternity?  Really? What sense does that make?  None.  That makes no sense at all.  I mean, hasn’t he noticed that God’s just using this whole punishment thing to keep people obedient to him?  Is the Devil really that stupid that he hasn’t noticed that he’s not punishing his enemies?  Are we to imagine him to be such a complete sucker that he’s actually doing God’s work?  And should we be scared of such a dunce?  

And if he really was being suckered on the whole thing, doesn’t the blame for the punishment end right back in God’s lap?  Isn’t it no different than if he were doing the punishing himself?  Yet that’s not what they believe.  They believe as if it is our rejection of God that makes us fall into Satan’s hands.  As if it’s our fault, and that we allowed ourselves to be Satan’s victims.  That makes sense, as far as that goes, but then we’re back at the first part.: Why does Satan torture us?  And does he really have to torture all of us?  With all the heathens throughout history, he must really have his hands full.

If anything, you’d think he’d be glad to save another soul from God’s gracious hands, and would work to get as many of us as possible.  Wouldn’t that be the ultimate spike against God?  That we rejected him and then happily lived for all of eternity with the guy that rebelled against him?  You’d think that’d really burn God up inside (assuming he has an inside).  And you’d think that the Devil would want to be punishing God that way, by embracing God’s enemies for eternity; rather than punishing them.  Right?  Wouldn’t that be the ultimate fuck-you?  That God’s got a bunch of sexless harp players, all looking in envy at the non-stop BBQ orgy going on down below.  And you know that Hell’s getting all the real hotties, and it’d make it all worth while.  

That’s what I’d do if I was the Devil; just to look up and see the expression on all those suckers’ faces.  They lived that nice pious life on earth, just to get screwed over in Heaven too.  It might even be enough to turn Christians into good old-fashioned God-haters, especially if it meant they’d get to join in down below.  And isn’t that exactly what the Devil’s all about?  And yet they insist that it’s the exact opposite.  What a crock.

(To Be Continued…)