Carnival of the Liberals #100: Century of the Nihilist Edition Carnival

Woo doggie, 2009 is coming to an end and I am pleased to announce that, thanks to the courageous efforts of Supreme Leader Obama, as well as you tireless sycophants, liberal nihilism is on the precipice of absolute victory over our empirical arch-enemies, the American Christian.  Now that Obama has completed the trifecta of destruction against America's imperialist healthcare doctrines, as well as the epic success our fellow traveler Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's had with his recent terror action, which has helped instill fear in flying pants everywhere, I am delighted to announce the introduction to the First Centennial Carnival of the Liberals: Century of the Nihilist Edition Carnival. 

Unfortunately, I'm a bit sketchy on most current events as I took an unscheduled hiatus for the past three and a half months after I found myself at the Secret Nihiliterror Training Seminar and RapeSex Jamboree in beautiful downtown Kenya; which was everything you can imagine it would be.  I mean, really.

For the big finale, they brought the Holy Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who flagellated himself for three straight hours until the High Holy Mother, Michelle Hussein Obama, came in wearing her traditional Moslem headdress and nothing else and proceeded to make Abdulmutallab a woman while the rest of us took notes.  And it ended in a giant orgy of self-hatred and sinful pain led by Bill Ayers in a Biden mask and we all regretted it immediately afterwards and stalked away in fevered embarrassment for the next several weeks until we forgot why we were stalking.  Needless to say, I haven't had much time for blogging lately.

First Centennial Grand Prize Winner

So without further ado, I announce the Grand Prize winner of the First Centennial Carnival of the Liberals: Century of the Nihilist Edition Carnival, in which we praise The Great O as the One True Savior and place our faith in Him, eternal and always, until death takes away our spirit and returns it to the lands of Obama's fathers where we vow to be their devoted eunuch slaves for all of eternity and forever. 

And leading that eunuch procession for the first hundred years will be none other than our First Centennial Grand Prize Winner, Socratic Gadfly, for his Obamaliscious submission entitled Rahm Emanuel, meet Bill Daley.  It's a real humdinger of praise for the Great and Powerful Obama, and I can't thank Socratic enough for having shared these personal thoughts in honor of our greatest president.  Fortunately for me, the best submission for the carnival also happened to be the only submission for the carnival, as it was so obvious to everyone how immensely superior Dr. Gadfly's post was that no one else bothered submitting anything to me.

So thank you, Socratic Gadfly, for the only submission to the 100th Carnival.  You are truly an Obamafan for the ages.  Please expect two extra ObamaRation shipments later this year, Squire Gadfly, you've earned them.

War On X-Mas Operations

So now what?  That was the only submission I got, but I'm supposed to have nine more of these things.  So in the spirit of Christian Hatred and X-Mas bashing, we turn to Panda's Thumb for a perfect example of subjectivist postmodern lie techniques, in which he makes spurious accusations of hoaxastry against two learned biblical scholars who have uncovered the taxonomic level of the Biblical “kinds” on Noah’s Ark.  Needless to say, allowing scientific tools to aid religious discoveries would be a damning blow against our entire movement and so Panda is doing a thankless task in stifling the work of these intrepid scholars, and we all thank him for it.

And speaking of the use of science as a tool against humanity, we turn to our favorite anti-God Crusader, PZ Myers at Pharyngula, and his smear against the entire country of Italy for daring to sponsor a book which rightly exposes evolution as being the Leninist fad it always was.  PZ even goes so far as to defame the book's author by claiming that he has no expertise in any of the subjects he's discussing, simply because it's true.  Apparently, teaching History of Christianity in Rome isn't good enough to dismiss science anymore.  Good work Dr. Myers, for your use of science as a weapon against God.  For that, you can expect an extra gruel ration in next month's mail, which will be debited from your yearly annual stipend at the adjusted standard rate and applied against any future rents you might soon incur at any time throughout your initial occupancy period; subject to limitations.

And we'll wrap up the science portion of our War on X-Mas Special Feature with a shoutout to the EPA's Climate Change Kid Site, which coaxes children into reporting any environmental irregularities their parents may have committed, by giving them candy when they report violations and beating them when they lie.  While at this State-Approved kid site, you can learn about gay dinosaurs, fantasize about the destruction of the earth, and even face off with Ozone the dog in a game of Hangman!  It's a veritable cornucopia of fear-mongering and anti-capitalism for kids. 

BTW: We plan to make this website mandatory reading for everyone starting January 15, to coincide with the beginning of President Obama Week, so it wouldn't hurt to start brushing up on it now. And remember, the cattle prods have been newly refurbished with larger batteries, so please take good notes.

All Hail Obama!

This is the portion of the carnival in which we praise Obama and all the good things he has done for us, is doing for us, and will do to us.  This portion is now mandatory for all future carnivals and any carnival host who fails to include the All Hail Obama! segment in their respective carnival will be dealt with severely.  And because I truly believe that I'm the most loyal Obama supporter in the world, I am awarding myself with two slots in the carnival, to show my dedication to The One.

Here's a great Nihilist Action Alert I issued after Obama's true birth certificate was brought to a pro-America rally on September 12.  Thanks to my alert, the possessor of the certificate, as well as his immediate family, friends, and acquaintances were all rounded up for a wonderful fourteen week stay at one of Obama's many training facilities in Zimbabwe and never heard from again.  The call of the Mother Country truly is strong for certain people who were once Obama's enemies.  They quickly learn the importance of institutional adherence by the second month and begin to see things in a whole new light soon after.

And if that's not really your thing, then you should try my piece on Obama's Commandos of Love, which provides the true details of the assassination of the martyr Saleh Ali Nabhan last September.  You'll wish you were next on the terror list.

And finally, a large pot of praise from neo-conservative pro-patriot and Community College Associate Professor Donald Douglas and his righteously pro-American essay on Obama's Non-Christmas.  While Dr. Douglas is obviously on the empirical commonsense side of the political spectrum, and therefore doesn't really belong in a liberal carnival, he really nailed us with this one, as it relaly showcases how the Obamas are secretly subverting everything holy and good.  Barack Obama truly is intent on destroying Christmas, in order to replace it with Obamamas, which will be similar to Christmas, except all gifts will be presented to Obama, which will be used to determine the new profession schedules for the next two fiscal years.  Gifts under ten thousand Obamabucks will not be accepted unless accompanied with a letter of explanation, so please don't mess this up.

Obamatime

And lastly, we're giving the biggest and baddest Obama shoutout to the Big Bad Nihilist Himself: Barack Mohamad Hussein Akbar Obama.  That's right, and not just one but three entries directly from the soul of Our Savior, the Holy Oak of History, into your unworthy little brain.

You can visit Our Savior at his official site, Whitehouse.gov, get to be personal friends with Him on MySpace, or read his minute-by-minute thoughts on Twitter; all great ways of getting those demerits removed from your permanent record before they even appear!  But you've got to update often, or Obama won't know if you truly love him. 

And remember, by reading these words you have implicitly sworn allegiance to Obama's Official Privacy Policy and Healthcare Initiatives, which you will receive upon the successful completion of your twelve month training exercises in beautiful downtown Kenya.  Just be sure not to be wearing any underwear when they come to get you, as they find that extremely offensive in their culture and you are very likely to regret that decision almost immediately. 

Good luck, praise be to Obama, and remember, it's better to be watching your neighbors than to be watched by them; so don't let your guard down.  That's the Obama Way. 

All Hail Obama!  Obama for Life!

Political Apathy Strikes Again

I've got bad news for you people: I've gotten so busy lately that I really don't care about politics anymore.  That's right.  My whole CPA thing has kind of taken over my life and I not only don't have time to read political news, I really don't care anymore.  To be honest, I'm not sure why I bothered caring in the first place.  I guess it was just something to do. 

I mean, I've always insisted that politics is just a hobby, which is why political junkies who attack the non-politically minded for not paying attention to politics should get off their high horse and stop calling these people dummies; and now it appears I've joined the dummies.  The only blog I'm even skimming lately is Washington Monthly and I'm barely even doing that.  I just find it so...pointless.

After all, it's not like I ever really imagined that my blog would make some big difference.  I was just in it for the sport; mental exercises to give my brain a work-out.  And these days, I'm really into the work I'm doing for some new clients, which I find far more stimulating than politics (yes, I really do enjoy crunching numbers and no, I don't understand why everyone else doesn't).  Besides, this whole healthcare reform thing has gotten boring to the point of stupidity, while Republicans have gone so far past the point of self-parody that even self-parodies are getting embarrassed and going home.  Overall, I think Obama just made things too easy while driving his opponents so crazy that it really doesn't need any special blogger to point it out.  I could just skim the daily headlines and you could pretty much figure out what I was going to write about.

Does this mean I'm retiring from blogging?  Hell no.  Not only do I plan to keep this thing around for once my current work comes to an end (which it unfortunately will), but I find blog retirements to be totally gay (and not in the homosexual sense).  To announce my "retirement" or whatever would be an exercise in self-absorbed wankery, particularly once I pulled the obligatory comeback once I realized how much I missed the attention. 

No, it's nothing like that.  I'm just trying to explain why I'm not writing much anymore and thinking maybe you should start getting my blog on a news feed, just in case I can think of anything to write.  Hell, I haven't even been reading my comments lately and I see that my Facebook page has seventeen people wanting to be my friend.  Hell, I don't even like Facebook, and now I'm deluged with people trying to weigh me down with social obligations I never asked for.  Not that I have anything against them, it's just that I don't have anything for them either. 

Anyway, stick around and I'm sure I'll regret having written this.  I've often had it that when I write a post saying that I don't have anything to write about, I suddenly start thinking of all kinds of things to write about.  But lately, I just feel like I'm trying to force it and that's really not my style.  I'm a stream of consciousness kind of guy and don't really like the idea of forcing myself to write.  So I guess I'll just end this here and maybe something important will happen and I'll be writing my once-a-day stuff again.

Bigots of the World, Unite!

Is it wrong that I get a certain sense of pride out of this sort of thing?

Swiss voters overwhelmingly approved a constitutional ban on minarets on Sunday, barring construction of the iconic mosque towers in a surprise vote that put Switzerland at the forefront of a European backlash against a growing Muslim population.
[....]
"The minaret is a sign of political power and demand, comparable with whole-body covering by the burqa, tolerance of forced marriage and genital mutilation of girls," the sponsors said.

[....]
Anxieties about growing Muslim minorities have rippled across Europe in recent years, leading to legal changes in some countries. There have been French moves to ban the full-length body covering known as the burqa. Some German states have introduced bans on head scarves for Muslim women teaching in public schools. Mosques and minaret construction projects in Sweden, France, Italy, Austria, Greece, Germany and Slovenia have been met by protests.

Ha!  For as much as some folks like to imagine America to have some monopoly on intolerance, it's nice to see the high and mighty Europeans practicing some good old fashioned hatred for a change.  Yes, a minaret is the same as genital mutilation.  Fricking morons. 

And yeah, while I'm completely ashamed that there are such intolerant bastards in the world, it's just nice to have a little reminder that they're not all limited to my own country.  And hell, maybe this sort of news might somehow permeate into the conservative mindset and they might actually become more tolerant of internationalism. 

First, they accept Swiss and French bigots, and before you know it, they'll start accepting bigots of all races, colors, and creeds.  And in the end, they'll long for the opprotunity of having a One World Congress which permits them to outright oppose the one true enemy: Liberals.  Baby steps, people.

Gingrich Strikes Again

I now know someone who is being swindled by Newt Gingrich's American Business Defense and Advisory Council malarky.  He even bragged about how he'd be getting a replica of Newt's gavel.  I honestly wanted to tell him what a scam it was, and how they'll offer it to anyone who's willing to give them money, but the guy was so excited that I didn't have the heart to tell him.  The best I could do was muster a mild "wow, yeah" which didn't require me to lie.  Even hearing him tell the lady on the phone how evil Obama is wasn't enough for me to want to burst his bubble. 

I'm really much too kind of a person.  Or perhaps that's cowardice, I'm not sure.  Either way, I decided to let him have his fun and pray that he never decides to discuss politics with me.  He really is a nice guy and I'm quite certain that I'd destroy him in a debate.  That's a problem with life: The good guys don't want to rub it in, while the bad guys won't stop even when they're wrong. 

And besides, if giving Newt money makes this guy feel better and he thinks he can afford it, then who am I to burst his bubble?  Besides, that same money could have been used for evil, like giving it to an actual politician who might use it to hurt Democrats; rather than lining Newt's slimy pockets, so I guess that's a plus too.

Party Like It's 1994

Via Atrios, we get more clueless political commentary, this time from CQ Politics:

A lack of competitive open-seat House races in 2010 could complicate Republican efforts to fully maximize a favorable national environment and make large seat gains after back-to-back elections where the political winds were blowing in the opposite direction.

So far, 18 members have announced they are not seeking re-election in 2010 and are running for other office — but only six of those races are currently considered competitive. No member has yet announced an outright retirement, which is unusual; at this point in the 2008 cycle, 14 members had announced their retirement and five others were running for Senate.

And first off, as Atrios asks, what current favorable national environment are they talking about?  Yes, the conservative base is in an anti-Obama frenzy, but seeing as how they're all scary freaks, I fail to see how this is a good thing for Republicans.

And another thing, the article is misleading in that they mean to say that only six of the eighteen are Democratic districts, while the other twelve are open seats for Republican districts.  In fact, based upon what it says elsewhere in the article, there are currently only three open seats in Democratic districts that are competitive for Republicans.  Three.  The basis for CQ's entire article rests upon three seats.  Meanwhile, it mentions three Republican seats that Dems might easily pick up.

In other words, twice as many Republicans are retiring as Democrats, and both sides look like they can easily poach three seats from the other.  And from this, we're to imagine that the political winds strongly favor Republicans and it's 1994 all over again; all evidence to the contrary.

Twelve is Bigger than Six

But even by the standards of the article, if only six of eighteen open election seats are competitive for Republicans, that would kind of indicate a bad thing for Republicans, as it would be an indicator that they're not very popular.  And seeing as how this follows up five special elections this year in which Democrats won open seats, including a traditionally Republican district in New York, there would seem to be some indication that things aren't doing so well for Republicans.  And when you throw in the long series of polls which show Republicans in the basement, it appears that Republicans are still relying on smoke & mirrors to appear strong and are set to lose their third straight election.

The article mentions the high number of retirements in 1994 and 2008, without understanding that the reason for the high number of retirements was because incumbents felt weak.  The political climate caused the retirements; it wasn't coincidental to them.  And conversely, if there are few retirements, it would indicate that incumbents feel strong.  Even in the section I quoted above it mentions that this is a much different retirement situation than in 2008, in which nineteen Congressional retirements had been officially announced by this point, while none have been announced this year.  And again, that would be a bad sign for Republicans and indicate that the political winds do not, in fact, favor them.

Yet the CQ article seems to see these as unrelated events, as if it's purely bad luck that Republicans aren't very competitive.  Of course they're popular, because they say they're popular; too bad voters don't seem to realize it yet.  And for as much as Republicans in the article insist that 2010 will be another 1994, anyone paying attention knows that these people always think it's 1994.

And of course, even the victory of '94 was vastly overrated.  Not only have Republicans not recovered from the excesses of their hubris, but they still haven't hit bottom yet.  As a reminder, they had losses in the two congressional elections following '94, despite Republican predictions to the contrary.  Perhaps after another defeat they'll finally enter a true "wilderness" phase and figure out what they're doing wrong.  But more likely, they'll just double-down on the crazy and insist that their luck is changing.

Financing Education

Something is most definitely wrong with our education system.

AISD Superintendent Carstarphen:

If we simply reduced the number of absences by half across the district, excused and unexcused, I could generate $20 million.

This isn't how things should work.

Commentary

There are too many gunmen.

Instant Expertise

My sister learned everything she needed to know about healthcare reform by reading an op/ed by the CEO of Whole Foods.  I swear to god, that was it.  She favors the removal of all government regulations from health insurance and health care because she's healthy and if everyone took care of themselves like she does, they wouldn't get sick or need insurance.  She just turned thirty, is childless, and hasn't gotten sick in years.  And so her preferred healthcare reform is built around the idea that everyone should be just like her, and if they're not, then it's Darwin time.  What could be easier?  And yes, this is pretty much exactly what she said.

And sure, I'm a bright guy who knows enough about healthcare to poke all kinds of holes into her theory, but no dice.  She just ain't having it.  She read one op/ed by a guy who got lambasted for the ignorance of his op/ed, and that's good enough for her.  Debating an expert like this is a sheer exercise in futility.

In other family news, my dad is still quite insistent that no one has seen Barack Obama's birth certificate and he probably shouldn't be president.  And sure, I offered to show him all the evidence he should need to prove that he's wrong, as we had a computer right next to us while we were talking, but this just angered him and put an end to the discussion.  He's been told by people he chooses to trust that Obama shouldn't be president and that's good enough for him.  People get the experts they deserve.

Terrorist Rampages

Was the shooting at Fort Hood a "terrorist act"?  Sure, I'll agree to that.  But of course, so was Columbine.  And the Virginia Tech killer.  And that guy who shot up the Aerobics class.  These are all terrorist acts.  It's all about powerless people trying to show that they're not as powerless as they seem; and of course, we're all supposed to not notice what it is that gives them their power (Hint: It's guns.).

But how to stop these things.  You can't.  This isn't something you can trace back to a terrorist training camp.  We can't wiretap their minds...yet.  And no number of invasions will make it possible for us to stop these events from occurring.  Rampages happen.  People flip out.  You can't stop the crazy.  I suppose one rational answer would be to limit their ability to obtain weapons of mass destruction, but short of that, there ain't much we can do.  There will always be crazies who kill people.

And this isn't a Muslim thing, or a school thing, and it might not even be a gender thing (though rampaging murderers tend to be male).  The primary issue is that we have an imperfect society that makes certain people feel less powerful than they imagine they deserve.  And they get roped into a warped way of looking at life, that blames everyone else for their own problems.  They are their own worst enemies and project that out upon the world; seeing hatred everywhere because they hate so much. 

And the question isn't why this keeps happening, but why this doesn't happen more often.  Killing people is easy.  And if someone feels pressured into thinking that violence is their only option, then they're going to use violence.  Our goal isn't to make it so that people can't rampage, but rather, to limit the number of these rampages.  And while I do think there are some good things that can be done in this regard, I seriously can't imagine how any of them would come from Joe Lieberman's committee.

The Movie

There is one other alternative to this: Aliens.  Shape-shifting aliens invaded Fort Hood and Hasan was the only one who figured it out and was trying to wipe out the alien menace before they took over.  He killed most of them, but the Colonel stopped him and had him arrested.  It turns out the Colonel is the head alien!  After the arrest, the aliens flood the media with negative news about Hasan, saying that he's an Islamic extremist who hates America; making him the most hated man in the country. 

At some point Hasan escapes and a giant manhunt ensues to capture him.  He's taken in by a group of Klansmen who have temporarily suspended their hatred of non-whites to focus instead on non-humans.  The final battle pits the alien-controlled Fort Hood against all the militias, separatists, neo-confederates, and anyone else with a shotgun.  They come charging in on their pickup trucks, guns blazing.  Hasan leads the charge.  It's a tough battle, interspersed with violence, mayhem, and zaniness. 

Finally, just as it looks as if Hasan is about to be killed by the Colonel, the hottie hillbilly girl kills the Colonel.  Hasan rushes up to her, they look at each other momentarily, then kiss.  Love conquers all.

Oh, and the sequel involves Hasan taking an alien ship back to the home planet, to wipe them out before they wipe us out.  And in the final movie, racial harmony ends after the defeat of the aliens, and race wars break out across the globe.  It turns out aliens are involved in this, and Hasan has to bring the ancient alien ruler to earth, in order to end the assault.  But is he in time...  And yes, I really am too good at this.

Obama: Making Shit Work

It's accepted as a matter of faith that Obama would be happy with any reform bill, so he can claim a victory no matter how shitty it is.  And the idea is that Obama would put politics ahead of policy and be happy to give us a shitty bill.  But that's absolute nonsense.  Because Obama has to live with this bill.  And the shittier it is, the worse the repercussions for him politically.  If he spends all this energy and healthcare gets worse, it's his neck on the line. 

Although many aspects of the reform still won't have started by 2012, we'll still have a good enough idea of how it's working.  And if the bill is considered a failure, they're going to hang it around his neck every chance they get.  And the only way to avoid that is to create a good bill that does what he said he wanted it to do.  And while that still might not be feasible, it's at least more feasible with Obama's technique than it's ever been with anyone else's. 

And so even if Obama is an empty political hack, it would be only natural for him to push as hard as he can for a bill he can live with.  After all, if he was a political coward, he wouldn't have offered to play with this hornet's nest at all.  But once he threw his hat in the ring, he was all-in.  That's the secret of the liberal platform: We have working magic.  We know how to use the government to truly fix problems.  And so the best thing a liberal can do politically is to provide great policies.  As long as we're making shit work, we're golden.

Punishing Children

The whole reason we treat kids differently from adults is because we don't think kids are as capable as adults at making the right decisions; and there is much science to back that up.  Yet, why is it that when kids commit heinous crimes, crimes which would indicate that the perpetrator really doesn't know what he's doing, we decide to treat them like adults?

Case in point:

With community outrage over the attacks swirling around the case, District Attorney Dolores Carr announced she would try the three juvenile defendants as adults,
[...]
Carr said her office chose to charge the juveniles as adults because of a combination of factors, including their gang membership and the fact it was "an unprovoked group attack" on the two trick-or-treaters. The defendants face a maximum sentence of life in prison.

And frankly, I don't have any decent answers for this.  No, I don't think that violent people should have a Get Out of Jail Free card if they're underage.  And of course, I think our entire judicial system is in need of a major overhaul, as it generally seems to make people worse than they were before they were in it and the concept of rehabilitation is a complete joke.  As things are, our judicial system is solely designed to punish bad people while proving that they deserved to be punished.  And that's just not something I agree with.

But the main point is that the idea that teenagers are vastly different from adults is exposed as a total fraud in cases like this.  You're old enough to get a life sentence, but you're not old enough to vote.  Similarly, you're not old enough to have sex, but you're old enough to be forced into becoming a parent.  And if anything, our standards are backwards: The less capable a teen is of making a wise decision, the more we want to punish them. 

And if that's the standard, then fine, apply it evenly.  If we think teens are capable of making adult decisions, then when they make bad adult decisions (ie, killing someone), you don't get to punish them like an adult.  But instead, we give them the rights of a child, but the punishment of an adult.  And they can't complain because they're not old enough to know any better.  And worst of all, we train them to be obedient little robots who follow orders, and act surprised when they can't think for themselves and make their own decisions.  Well, duh!  If you punish someone every time they make a decision you don't agree with, you shouldn't be surprised if they stop making decisions.  Anyone who's ever had a micromanaging boss knows that it doesn't pay to act independently.

Overall, I just think it's a major mistake to treat anyone as if their age, gender, or whatever automatically defines who they are or what they can do.  Because I've definitely known small children who had their act together more than many adults.  And I've always found that if you treat people with respect, you get better results from them, even if they don't deserve it.  And yeah, the use of "children" in the title is a joke, as teenagers aren't children.  But as long as we have people who insist that sixteen year olds are still "children," then we might as well call these brutal gang members children too.  Kids.  They're trying to give life sentences to kids.

How Not to Save the Children

Oh, yeah.  This will keep them away in droves:

On-air promos for a sexual threesome on an upcoming episode of "Gossip Girl" have spurred the Parents Television Council to ask affiliates of the CW network to pre-empt the show.

Airing the teen tryst, which is being teased in an ad as a "3SOME," is "reckless and irresponsible," said PTC president Tim Winter in a statement Wednesday. The threesome involves three main characters in the show but they are not identified in the promos.

Yeah, no chance of this getting more people to watch a show that I know nothing about besides the fact that they apparently have teenage threesomes.  And no, I can't imagine this backfiring either:

In a letter to the affiliates, Winter asked: "Will you now be complicit in establishing a precedent and expectation that teenagers should engage in behaviors heretofore associated primarily with adult films?"

But of course, that just depends upon how many people flock to the show due to this boycott.  Seriously, has there ever been a movie, program, book, etc that was actually hurt by a puritanical boycott?  I doubt it.

Conservative Bites Republican

Conservatives chase moderate Republican out of race in Republican district and the Democrat wins.  Bwa ha ha ha haaaa!  Can there be a bigger rebuke to the insane belief that the chief electoral problem for Republicans in the last two elections is that they weren't conservative enough?  Boing!  But of course, extremists on both sides insist their party would win every election if only they'd become more extreme.

But my chief complaint is with this line in the article:

The race has been getting national attention, with some calling it a referendum on President Barack Obama and others saying it could help Republicans focus their message to attract more people to the party.

Oh, wow.  What a wide range of opinions; spanning from people who don't like Obama, all the way to people who think this could benefit Republicans.  And of course, "others" could also say that this is a referendum on the Republican Party's sanity, and they just lost big time.  And I don't even see how Obama was even tangently related to this race. 

No, this race was lost the moment conservatives decided to pull a coup against their Republican masters.  After that circus came to town, all the Dem needed was a pulse and a quick smile.  People might like a freakshow, but they don't want it running their town.

Oh, and let's not ignore the final line:

New York state now has only two Republican congressmen in its 29-seat delegation.

Booyah! 

And finally, let's just have a moment of silence for poor Doug Hoffman.  When this guy joined the race, he must have figured he had no chance in hell of winning.  I mean, who ever heard of the Conservative Party before now?  But before you know it, the crazies decide to take a stand and all this money starts flooding in while celebrity freaks like Fred Thompson and Sarah Palin are urging everyone to be your friend, and you really start to think you've got something. 

But now, Hoffman's a loser and even if conservatives really liked Hoffman's stances, there's really no way he's going to be able to turn his loss into some sort of Palinesque celebrity pol superstar.  That crazy gravy train has left the station and Hoffman is of no use to them.  And most likely, he'll be hanging out with Ned Lamont, talking about the heady days when the crazies decided that one election was the most important thing in the world.


P.S. I didn't vote in my local election.

Orrin Hatch is Right

Orrin Hatch on why Healthcare Reform must be stopped:

"And if they get there, of course, you're going to have a very rough time having a two-party system in this country, because almost everybody's going to say, 'All we ever were, all we ever are, all we ever hope to be depends on the Democratic Party,'" Hatch said during an interview with the conservative CNSNews.com.


"That's their goal," Hatch added. "That's what keeps Democrats in power."

And, well, yeah.  That is our plan.  We're going to pass good policies that make people like us, and they'll continue to vote for us because they know our opponents will try to take away the good policies that people like.  This diabolical plot is codenamed "democracy," because that's what this is.  Jesus, it's like conservatives imagine that good policies are a cheap campaign trick or something.

All we ever were, all we ever are, all we ever hope to be depends on the Democratic Party...unless you're rich.  Then any party will do.

The Monster Party

Carpetbagger's got a post about how Scozzafava, a leading candidate for worst name ever, is dropping out as the Republican candidate in a Republican-leaning district in New York because Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party candidate, is stealing much of her support.  And one of the commenters there insists that Hoffman will get almost all of Scozzafava's supporters because there are no moderate Republicans left; as evidenced by their 25% party ID numbers.

Yet this clearly can't be the case, as Scozzafava is a moderate Republican, while all the hardcore righties already fled to Hoffman.  So it only makes sense that a good number of these people must be moderate Republicans, as they were supporting a pro-choice candidate who doesn't vilify gays.  And yes, there aren't many moderate Republicans left, but that's the reason why Scozzafava is dropping out.  And so it's anyone's guess where Scozzafava's supporters will go on election day.

And this is a recurring theory by many liberals, who believe that all of the remaining Republicans are the hardest of the diehards.  Yet that's clearly false.  Because the folks on the far ends of the political spectrum reject both major political parties, as they see them as being too compromising.  In fact, it's odd to hear this falsehood repeated by people who are so far to the left that they reject Obama and the Democratic Party, yet don't realize that their counter-parts on the right have done the same to the Republican Party. 

And that's a fairly odd mistake to make, seeing as how we're talking about an election in which the Republican Party candidate is dropping out because she's too moderate.  And on the other side, where could all the moderate Republicans have gone?  The reality is that there are moderate Republicans who now refuse to identify themselves as Republicans because the party is too radical for them, but they're still willing to vote for a moderate Republican.  And how else could this make any sense?  If only 25% of the population in this district was willing to vote Republican, none of this would be an issue as the Democrat would easily win.

And now the question remains whether these moderate Republicans will vote for a non-Republican conservative who drove out the moderate they supported, or the non-Republican moderate.  It's not whether or not they're hardcore conservatives, as they're obviously not, but whether they hate Democrats so much that they'd rather vote for the extremist.

One of These Races Is Not Like the Other

And as an add-on of something I read after I wrote this: The AP has their typical false equivalency with an article Third party challenges in NJ, NY are warning sign.  And while I figured they were talking about the Sazzafava-Hoffman challenge, I was wondering why the article was suggesting that Dems have a problem.  But they're wrong, as usual. 

While Hoffman's third-party challenge is knocking the Republican out of the race, the Dem problem is that a third-party candidate is hurting Governor Corzine's chances in New Jersey.  But that's just the typical spoiler role that is often seen in elections, of an outside candidate syphoning votes away from one of the two parties.  And that's not the same as in NY, where the Republican had to drop out of the race for being too moderate for her party.

Because the NY problem highlights a real flaw in the Republican strategy.  Nixon used the "Southern Strategy" to ice the cake by adding social conservatives to the Republican coalition; thus giving him major victories.  Reagan sealed the deal by placing a real emphasis on social conservatives, while also winning liberal and moderate Republicans.  By the 90's, Republicans decided to go Full Southern, which worked in exactly one election (1994).  And after that, Bush faced a backlash and was required to adopt "compassionate" conservativism, as Social Conservatism had offended too many people; and then they used 9/11 to barely win two elections which still avoided the Full Southern strategy of the 90's.

And now Frankenstein's monster has taken over the laboratory and is getting increasingly upset by all the open flames that offend him so much.  Nixon and Reagan were able to give coded messages which went directly to conservative hearts, which is now impossible in the days of YouTube and Macaca.  And here they are, with northern Republicans rejecting a moderate who was handpicked by the local party due to her ability to woo non-conservatives.  But the monster hated that most of all. 

As with progressives, conservatives would rather lose an election than allow an ideological "traitor" to win an election, and the icing that Nixon wanted for the party has now claimed the party as its own.  There will be no Republicans who aren't conservative Republicans, and only the most conservative shall survive.  Honestly, I can't think of a better situation for us.

No Good News is Good News

The ability to criticize shouldn't be confused with the merit of those criticisms.  Just because you can find something to complain about doesn't mean that you should be complaining.  And I thought of this in dualing criticisms of Obama I saw at Carpetbagger's from folks on both sides of the spectrum. 

First I read a post about how the economy is improving, but because employment hasn't improved, the economy is apparently meaningless; at least according to Obama's liberal critics.  And so you read comments like these:

Neill: let's see...economy expands and unemployment expands. i'm not much of an economic thinker, but i'd say the thriving economy is eatin' people. that's good? i dont think so...

Bill H: When I see employment rising significantly and indebtedness decreasing and a major portion of the bad debt written off then I will believe that the economy is improving.

Paul: GDP is one of the worst measures we have of economic activity. Way too much of it is based on purely paper effects (so, for example, the rebound of the financial industry, with more people selling crap to each other once again, counts as positive for GDP even though it's likely a negative for the rest of us).

So since employment hasn't gone up, it's not enough to simply suggest that our economy hasn't improved enough.  Oh no, they insist it's all a fraud, so much so that we're to imagine that it'd be better if the GDP hadn't increased.  But I do agree with Neill about one thing: He's really not much of an economic thinker.

And oddly, Obama's critics from the right are at least a little more honest about this:

On MSNBC this morning, Joe Scarborough (conservative Republican) and Pat Buchanan (conservative Republican) were discussing the recent reports on economic growth. Scarborough conceded it may have been the result of "the federal money that's gotten in there." Buchanan was more dismissive, calling recent growth "steroids," adding, "[The president] pushed all of this money into the economy and pumped it up."

In other words, righties like Scarborough and Buchanan are taking the leftie argument, that Obama's stimulus boosted the economy; while lefties like Neill, Bill H, and Paul insist that it was evil Big Business that is to blame for this catastrophic economic boost.  And even the lefties who admit that this boost was due to Obama's stimulus bill, lament that the stimulus isn't permanent; as if it was meant to be.

And so all these people can see the exact things we saw: Obama pushed a stimulus plan which seems to have given a slight boost to an economy that needed it, yet insist that it's a bad thing which Obama should be blamed for.  Sure, it did exactly what it was supposed to do, against the theories conservatives pimped and in accordance with liberal theories; yet all the same, Obama is to blame.  And because these people can find a dim lining around this silver cloud, it's proof that they were right all along in criticizing Obama. 

For conservatives, Obama's big sin was in not allowing the economy to fix itself; in accordance with a theory which wouldn't make sense to a child.  While progressives complain that Obama hasn't done more to force a reluctant Congress to stimuluate the economy while forcing Big Business and their Republican allies to eat shit.  And because of that, there can be no good news.

Red Light Politics

Conservative policy is like removing all the stop lights and letting people decide for themselves when to go.  Republican policy is like arranging it so the lights are always green for privileged members.  Neither of these are particularly good policies, though it's easy to see why only the Republican policy ever gets implemented; particularly since they're so good at convincing conservatives that Democrats are to blame for all the red lights that keep stopping them.

As counter-productives as this may seem to conservatives, red lights improve traffic flow.

Belief Is Not Enough

You don't believe in magical dragons.  You'd seek professional help if voices in your head started telling you to exterminate all squirrels.  And if you had yourself mummified upon death like an Egyptian, it'd be as a joke.  I'm sure of it.  And if that's not the case, please don't leave a comment here suggesting otherwise or I might think lesser of you.

And the fact of the matter is that there are all kinds of crazy in this world that other people find as the only answer.  Like the Heaven's Gate cult who killed themselves as a way of saving their souls before the world was "recycled;" thus allowing them to go on to the "next level."  And that's just crazy.  I'm sorry, I'm not anti-religious or anything.  In fact, I think religion can definitely be a positive thing, whether it's real or not, but the Heaven's Gate thing was just crazy.

And the problem is that belief is just too easy.  It's just too low of a bar to attain.  It's the easy answer that's so easy all you have to do is want to have it and it's yours.  The Get Smart Quick scheme that anyone can adopt.  Rather than spending years and years of gaining your own wisdom while carefully self-analyzing yourself, it's all right there for you.  You read a few books, think the right thoughts, and voila!, instant knowledge.  No fuss, no muss.

Giving Up Yourself

Like with the Heaven's Gate people, for which I read this:

[O]ne summer, on the banks of the Rogue River in Oregon, among the wildflowers and sugar pines, Bonnie and Herff were struck by a “vibration like thunder,” a simultaneous disclosure that they were the two witnesses foretold in the Bible’s vision of Apocalypse.

This is what they told a group of 80 people assembled at Joan Culpepper’s house in Studio City in 1975. By then, they had abandoned their given names, instead calling themselves “The Two,” “Guinea and Pig” and “Bo and Peep.” After 30 minutes, they concluded by saying, “If you follow us, you must obey everything we say. That includes giving up your possessions, your family and yourself.” ... Nearly a third of the audience — people from all walks of life — left with their new leaders shortly thereafter, traveling the highways looking for more recruits.

 Really?  That was it?  I'm a smart fucking dude who knows an awful lot about this universe, but I sometimes struggle to get thirty people to read this blog, and it doesn't require people to obey anything I say or give up a damn thing.  Maybe that's my mistake.  Maybe I need to be a bigger dick to everyone.

And it's obvious that these people were looking for an authoritarian with easy answers, and Bo and Peep were the authoritarians they were needing, and a few decades later, they led their flock to their own deaths.  And while I'm definitely not suggesting that other believers are similar to these fools, these people should be an object lesson in the dangers of belief. 

And hell, I seriously doubt most Americans would ever take their religion this seriously.  It's more about a social circle than a belief system, and when you get down to it, most of us do whatever the hell we were going to do anyway; regardless of religion.  I'm definitely of the opinion that most Christians don't know very much about their own beliefs, beyond a few basic ideas which they really really like.

Trusting Belief

Yet all the same, it's quite obvious that belief can betray us, and the people who have the most belief are likely to do the craziest things.  So why do we trust it at all?  If belief can force loving parents to allow their children to die from preventable diseases or force their underage daughters to marry creepy old dudes, how do we know it's not betraying us too?  Is it that our experiences which form these beliefs are better than the experiences of these other people, or is it simply luck that we weren't stuck with the bad beliefs?

And the problem is that belief isn't enough.  Belief can fool you.  And if the hardest step you have to take to find your answers is to merely want to find them, you're probably doing it wrong.  Easy answers are easy.  Trying to figure out all this shit on your own is difficult.  And sure, at a certain level, we all have to accept what our lying eyes tell us, as well as the lying brains of our brainest people; but all the same, there is a method to that madness. 

Science and empiricism are tools which are only as good as the men who use them, but all the same, they're something.  I might not ever touch the sun, but I know enough about it to tell me that it wouldn't be a good idea if I did so.  And while I have to accept on faith that the sun is real, my belief in it is not entirely faith-based.  And until the All-Mighty submits himself to our tools, we know about as much about him as Heavens Gate knew about the Next Level. 

And until someone explains to me how a good god could possibly punish me, or allow me to be punished, simply for wanting empirical evidence, I don't see why I should bother making a decision on any of this.  I'm agnostic on dragons, squirrel extermination, and the necessity of mummification; as are the rest of you, I hope.  I fail to understand why I shouldn't expand my agnosticism to all these other unknowns.

Conservative Delusions of Grandeur

The self-importance of rightwingers against the epic struggle is getting a bit out of hand.  Surely there must be a cure for this:

Big government, high taxes, deficits, broken promises -- America is in trouble.  So when your grandchildren ask you why you didn't do something, be able to tell them that you voted for Doug Hoffman.

Right.  I can just imagine how well that will go over:
(Starring Grandpa Simpson as the Grandfather)

Grandfather: You kids today, I feel sorry for you.  With your cradle-to-grave Big Daddy Government taking care of you, you don't even know how bad things can be in the real world.  Back in the day, you could lose all your money if you got sick enough and your insurance company wouldn't care how much money you gave them.  They'd deny your policy simply for being alive.  Those were the days, back before they went ahead and ruined everything.

Grandson: Well why didn't you do something about it?

Grandfather: Ahh, but I DID do something.  I voted for Doug Hoffman.

Grandson: Who?

Grandfather: Hoffman.  Doug Hoffman.  He was the man Fred Thompson told me to vote for.

Grandson: Who's Fred Thompson?

Grandfather: Fred Thompson, once ran for president.  He was on the television show Law & Order.

Grandson: What's a television?

Grandfather: It's not important.  What's important is that when the forces of oppression were trying to oppress us, I voted for Doug Hoffman, who lost the election because our idiot neighbors preferred parochial issues that affected them personally rather than sending someone to Congress who would fight back against President Obama.

Grandson: Sasha Obama was president then, too?

Grandfather: Shut up!  Ok?  Just shut up!  You kids today don't know nothing!  (Storms off.)

Don't Blame Me, I Voted For the Loser

And I'm sure this applies to any of life's problems.  When anyone questions why you didn't do something to stop catastrophic events that continue to cause problems decades later, just point to your record of voting for candidates who didn't win and wash your hands of the whole thing.  For example, my vote for Nader in 2000 makes up for not having done anything to stop Global Warming.  It's that simple.

And just to clarify, Thompson's ad definitely assumes that Hoffman will lose.  After all, if voting for Hoffman was enough of an action to have stopped big government, high taxes, deficits, and broken promises; yet these issues are still affecting our grandkids, well, it's obvious that Hoffman didn't stop them.  So the only possibility is that Hoffman lost the election.  I guess there ain't no cause like a lost cause.

Confessions Are Overrated

Why do I keep reading stupid stuff?  I saw how Mark McGwire has accepted a job as a batting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, and read this from a sports blogger:

And, in a way, that sets him up perfectly for what he’s about to encounter: The necessity to finally talk about the past, put it into context, explain why he used performance-enhancing drugs and ask the public for forgiveness.

Yeah, because it's a complete mystery why he might have used performance-enhancing drugs.  No chance it had anything to do with their ability to enhance performance at all.  Must have been a peer pressure thing.  Jesus people, this is like asking why Hugh Hefner uses Viagra (Hint: He likes having sex with hot girls).

Look, we already know why McGwire used steroids, that Senator Craig enjoys gay bathroom sex, and Fox News is an arm of the Republican Party.  Hearing a confession about any of this is as anti-climatic as a grown man finally asking his dad if he's Santa Claus.  Jesus people, what is with the need for confessions?  Are you so insecure of your rational abilities that you might still have doubts about the basic facts you see before you? 

Scalia needs to actually admit that they gave the election to Bush? You're still unsure whether the gay marriage ban was about anti-gay bias?  Still waiting for Cheney to admit that he lied our way into Iraq?  Sorry folks, but it ain't going to happen.  These people will take this shit to their deathbeds, just like Nixon did.  For as much as people like to imagine that confession is good for the confessee, it's quite obvious that these people feel more comfortable with their cover stories.  The confession is for us; not them.

And that's just the way our system works.  The only time anyone should ever confess to anything is if they get some clear benefit from it, like a plea bargain or a book deal.  Hell, OJ actually tried threading the needle with a book on IF he did it.  He clearly wanted to profit from his confession, but we just wouldn't let him do it.  Confessions are a commodity in our society.  Never forget that.

There are some things in life we don't know, and we should ask questions about.  But if you know the answer and you're just trying to humiliate your opponent and your opponent understands this and refuses to confess, save your breath.  The fact that you're bothering to get a confession is perhaps the most embarrassing thing of all.  We eventually forced Pete Rose to confess to gambling, fifteen years after we knew he did it, and it didn't make the world a better place.  But he at least sold a few books thanks to that confession and I'm sure Rose thanked the suckers on his way to the bank.  Confessions are overrated.