Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Study: Unhealthy People Live Unhealthy Lifestyles

God, I can't wait for the day when health researchers' licenses can be revoked.  The Headline: Sugary soft drinks linked to pancreatic cancer: study.  The Proof: People who drink soda, who also happened to be "younger men who smoke, drink alcohol, eat higher-calorie diets and are less physically active" are at a higher risk of getting pancreatic cancer. 

In other words, soda drinkers in Singapore are an entirely different group of people than non-soda drinkers in Singapore, and are more likely to do many other things considered to be unhealthy.  Oh, and soda drinkers were also more likely to eat red meat; which has been linked to pancreatic cancer.  But don't worry, they "adjusted" for these other factors; so they can assure us it's just the sugar that did it, though they can't explain why or even tell us how much more at risk we are for drinking soda.

And of course, this sort of study is utter crap.  The very fact that they adjusted out the smoking, drinking, fatty, lazy, and red meat eating attributes in these people in order to focus on soda is proof positive that this is all they were looking for.  They designed their study so it would find that soda increased pancreatic cancer, and whooptidoo!  They found what they were looking for.  This sort of research is sheer blasphemy to true science, and shouldn't even pass muster at a high school science fair; let alone being blasted to the world as fact.

And seriously, two or more sodas a week?  Are they shitting me?  People who only drink two sodas a week shouldn't be grouped with people who drink six sodas a day.  Hell, a Supergulp from 7-11 is eight fucking servings!  And there are plenty of people who drink those on a regular basis.  If soda is a problem, that's the group you ought to seek out.  Those guys should be a fricking death ward if soda causes pancreatic cancer.  But no, they make these categories as broad as possible; not because they're trying to find a link, but because they're trying to scare us out of drinking soda.  After all, they wouldn't have designed their study as they did unless they already knew soda was dangerous.

And it's the same thing they do when they do studies on alcohol which group casual drinkers with alcoholics, or the study on pot smokers that supposedly included people who smoke fifty joints a day; or when they group the mildly overweight (which includes muscle-y people like myself) with the morbidly obese and insist that we're all going to die unless we lose a lot of weight.  Crap.  Just crap.  Any researcher who does this sort of thing should hang up their lab coat and get laid, because they're obviously too obsessed with controlling people's lives to get their job done. 

And when they come back, maybe they can do some real research.  The sort that doesn't involve "adjusting" out all the negative lifestyle choices besides the one that they're focusing on.  And then maybe, just maybe, they can finally get around to warning people about the high levels of saturated fat in milk.  Remember, your recommended daily serving of 2% milk has as much saturated fat as a serving of bacon.  Bacon; and they're still pimping the shit like it's health food.  I think I'll take the fat-free soda, thank you very much.

1 comment:

mahakal said...

It would be much healthier to vaporize that much herb, rather than smoke 50 joints a day. Or you could make brownies, you know?