Thursday, January 21, 2010

John Edwards is a Douchebag

Wow, I just finished watching President Edwards' resignation speech for a third time and have to say, damn, it sure is too bad he didn't tell us about his lovechild before he won the nomination last year; back when we had a chance to do something about it.  And now that he finally fessed up about how he pressured his aide into pretending to be the baby's father and is handing the reins over to Vice President Lieberman (perhaps yet more mistaken judgment on his part), I've got to say that we're all royally screwed. 

2010 is really shaping up to be a bad year for Democrats.  First Edwards' overly ambitious stimulus bill was killed by Blue Dogs, then his push for single-payer healthcare went down in flames, and now this.  Jesus, who'd have imagined that a president would have been looking up to Bush's lousy approval ratings. 

Seriously though, Clinton lying about having sexual relations with that woman?  Understandable.  And had Lewinsky not been such a blabbermouth or Tripp not been such a witch, it was a smart decision to make.  I would have gone with honesty (or not screwing the intern in the first place), but I understand the decision nonetheless.  But lying about having a lovechild and then having his top aide pretend to be the daddy?  That easily makes Edwards the stupidest douchebag in politics. 

Seriously, how long did he imagine that lie would hold?  Was he really going to avoid seeing his daughter for the first nine years of her life?  That alone would make him Douchebag of the Decade.  "Sorry honey, Daddy wanted to go to your ballet recitals all those years, but I had to be president, so I hired a fake daddy instead.  Hope he was as good as I would have been."  Fucking jerk.

And the rule of lies is that, no matter how bad the truth is, if it'll eventually come out, it's better to just fess up and deal with the consequences.  And if he thought the consequences of having a lovechild would derail his presidential aspirations, then hiring the surrogate daddy to take the fall was much, much worse.  And there's simply no way any rational man would make such an imbecilic decision unless he was a completely amoral fuckface who could only think of himself. 

Praise be to Allah that He gave us Barack Obama instead.  For as bad as 2010 looks (and I daresay I like the way things look), things would have looked a whole heckeva lot worse had Edwards been president.

The Narcissist is "Stripped Bare"

But perhaps I've been unfair in my assessment, so I've decided to give the last word to Mr. Lying Asshole, as excerpted from a formal statement he issued last August.  And remember, this was well after any presidential aspirations had ended, yet his "full responsibilty" is a bit on the light side.  I hope the "apparent father" makes a decent bit of change off his book.  Enjoy!

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public. With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly. But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then. I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby. I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up -- feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.


Betsy said...

And we were hot to vote for him. Heh, glad we were saved. However this is past and irrelevant. Even though I don't hear from you often, I need your common sense take on the Supreme Court Ruling. Frankly my husband and I are just glad we're old--and I wish I didn't have any grandchildren at all. We are so depressed. Please say something, even bad, I really, really would like your point of view on this.

Doctor Biobrain said...

Sorry, I had gotten so wrapped into work that I stopped caring about politics completely, but that's been tailing off, which is why I've started writing more. There's only so much brain power to go around, even with an average IQ of 245.

I did write something about the SCOTUS decision after this post, but didn't really cover the overall implications. Overall, I'm not worried. Things tend to balance themselves out, so if things get too out of hand, I figure Congress will step in to fix it. Plus, Dems are actually better for Big Business than Republicans are and I suspect we'll see quite a bit of this cash going to the Dem side. After all, it's not as if Big Money hadn't already infected Democratic coffers or policies. And if this drowns out enough little voices that even the Teabaggers feel impotent, we might find ourselves with the sort of campaign finance system we should have had all along.

And the main dynamic is that Big Business uses campaign cash to bribe Democrats to vote more like Republicans, while Republicans extort it from Big Business by denying access to those who don't pay up. Sure, there are some conservative ideologue businessmen who willingly cough it up, but most of them don't give a damn who they give it to, just as long as they win. After all, there's no point in contributing to Republicans if they still can't get more than 30% approval ratings. As things are, Dem politicos play nice because they still want that cash and lack the backbone to fight the system. But if they get beat up enough by corporate money, I have no doubt they'll finally find their spines.

And just so you know, I'm too much of an optimist to ever suggest that any news is bad for our side. It's a personality quirk, I guess, but I always see the silver lining and laugh at the chicken littles. But if Obama joins the chicken littles, that's when I'll worry.