How NOT to be a True Texan

I recently noted how my governor claims to have shot a scary coyote with the laser-sighted gun he jogs with, an incident he didn't tell reporters about until two months later...after the carcass was gone. 

And now I read this:

Gov. Rick Perry's showdown on the jogging trail has spurred a gun maker to sell a "Coyote Special" edition of the weapon he used to bring down a varmint.

Sturm, Ruger & Co. Inc., which makes the .380-caliber pistol Perry used to shoot a coyote he said was threatening his dog, has come out with a limited-edition version.

It is emblazoned with "Coyote Special" and "A True Texan" on the sides. On top is a picture of a coyote howling at the moon and five-pointed star of Texas.

Really?  Do you get a discount if you buy it with the Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time?  I can only imagine that the Red Ryder might add back a little of the dignity lost after being seen with this joke of a gun.

And I'm sorry, but anyone who wants a gun that says "A True Texan" on the side isn't a true Texan.  That's all there is to it.  I don't care if you've lived here your whole life and Sam Houston himself said that your ancestors epitomized the Texan ideal; the moment you take pride in brandishing your "True Texan" Governor Perry Special, you're nothing but a damn poser who needs to get his yankee poser ass out of the damn state, pronto. 

This should be a litmus test for residency.  Just as telling people you're cool is the surest sign you're not cool, the moment you need to own a gun that says you're a Texan, particularly if it has the words "coyote" on it and a picture of a coyote; you lose.  It's over.  You just admitted to the world that you suck and don't deserve the money you spent on buying such a dumb toy as this. 

I'm in no way anti-gun, but I'm most definitely anti-coyote gun.  That's just a dumb dumb thing which should never have been made.  It truly saddens me to think that these people represent Texas in any way.  I'm sure John Wayne is spinning in his grave, and he wasn't even a Texan.