Incompetence for Victory

Omigod, they didn’t.

When the State Department recently asked the CIA for names of Iranians who could be sanctioned for their involvement in a clandestine nuclear weapons program, the agency refused, citing a large workload and a desire to protect its sources and tradecraft.

Frustrated, the State Department assigned a junior Foreign Service officer to find the names another way — by using Google. Those with the most hits under search terms such as “Iran and nuclear,” three officials said, became targets for international rebuke Friday when a sanctions resolution circulated at the United Nations.

Holy shit, they did.  And how did they do this little bit of incompetence?  Incompetently, of course.

[A] junior State Department officer, who has been with the nonproliferation bureau for only a few months, was put in front of a computer. An initial Internet search yielded over 100 names, including dozens of Iranian diplomats who have publicly defended their country’s efforts as intended to produce energy, not bombs, the sources said. The list also included names of Iranians who have spoken with U.N. inspectors or have traveled to Vienna to attend International Atomic Energy Agency meetings about Iran.

For such an important task, why devote such limited resources?  Sure, that describes just about everything these boobs do, but I’m just astounded that they continue with this idiocy so half-assedly.  I mean, a big part of the whole Republican movement is that, whatever you do, you do it boldly.  Especially the mistakes.  Because if you’re doing something boldly, it proves that it’s something you should be doing and becomes its own justification.  Well apparently, the boldest way to do something is with sheer incompetence, because that’s the way these jokers continue to act.

And let’s face it, they weren’t looking for names.  They were looking for excuses.  Something to put in their newest attack on Iran, in order to stir-up another hornet’s nest that only they can remedy, by bravely sending other people off to die.  Sort of like Professor Harold Hill, as played by Darth Vader.  That’s what they did endlessly in Iraq after the first Gulf War, often giving justification for many of Saddam’s ruthless tactics.  I mean, nothing says “Torture your dissidents” more than a coup attempt; particularly the CIA-backed variety.

And jesus christ, how stupid do they think Iran is that they'd allow their top secret guys to be publicly linked to their top secret plans on the fucking internet?  No wait, I know.  Only slightly stupider than the Bushies themselves.  Because that's how stupid they think ALL of us are.  And shit, they spend more time outing anonymous liberal bloggers than they do finding people they suspect are trying to blow-up the world.  Then again, I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky that they didn’t entrust the 101st Fighting Keyboarders to the task; lest we see Greenwald and Atrios’ names in the UN sanctions report.  Then again, that’d be kind of cool.  

And hell, maybe all this might work out after all.  I mean, when incompetent people implement incompetently designed ideas in an incompetent manner, it’s just a matter of time before the incompetence cancels out and the plan becomes an overwhelming success.  Right?  I think that’s the whole plan for Iraq, and we’ve all seen how well that’s going.  It’s like the Big Bang theory of Nation-State building.  At any moment now, the chaotic brewings in Iraq will instantaneously converge together into a properly functioning country with safety and everything.  They might even have running water.  May all of Bush’s plans come out so well.