Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Stupid Hypothetical of the Week

If it somehow turned out that Bush fixed Global Warming, and that it was unlikely that any other president would have done as good of a job; would you still support a July 2007 Impeachment?  

For instance, say that a rogue team of Republican Whitehouse aides inexplicably hammer-out a deal to thread the needle for a strong environmental policy that all sides would agree to.  Or perhaps they stumble upon and greenlight some significant scientific plan which sets things back into equilibrium.  Something that would only have been discovered by Bush Republicans.  And this stops Global Warming and saves the world from a hotter future.

Or maybe they greenlight a conservative scientist’s research which confirms that Global Warming is not being caused by mankind; but rather because we’re slowly falling into the Sun, due to some freakish comet activity.  In fact, our smog-thickened atmosphere is the only thing preventing us from burning to a crisp.  And Bush takes the crucial action necessary to stabilize earth’s orbit.  In fact, they set it just right, and with just the right tilt, that earth experiences a worldwide Eden effect; effectively ending poverty and social injustice worldwide.  And as the final kicker, it turns out that Bush’s personal team of theologians discover this in the bible; as well as a whole new way of decoding the bible to make it a complete roadmap for the next 5,000 years.  And of course, it’s clearly written into this code that George Bush will be President for the next two hundred years; after which, his clones will rule until Jesus’ final return.  Naturally, it also details all kinds of major discoveries and earth enters a period of unrivaled peace and prosperity.  

And of course, none of this would have happened if Bush hadn’t been in office.  Instead, after Bush’s impeachment next year, Cheney will confess that he’s been a closet liberal for twenty-five years and was the only thing preventing Bush from destroying the world.  He then initiates an all-out effort to stop Global Warming, which has the immediate effect of reducing earth’s smog protection, thus allowing the earth to be devastated by horrible droughts and fires; until it eventually melts in the year 2320.  It turns out, even as a liberal, Cheney’s an incompetent disaster.

So how about it?  Bush, or Extreme Global Warming?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was willing to live with Bush until the 5000 year reign thing.