Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Stupid Question

Why is the new food pyramid a pyramid? The old one made sense. Your basic foods were at the bottom because you were supposed to eat more of them, and the bottom blocks were bigger. And as you moved up, the blocks got smaller because you weren't supposed to eat so many of them. And that shape forms a pyramid. Which makes sense. I understand that. It's both symbolic and informative. Not that I ever used the damn thing, but at least it didn't junk up the place.

But the new one, why's it a pyramid? All the blocks are side-by-side; not very pyramid-like. And why do the segments get smaller at the top? Are they suggesting that the more you exercise, the less you can eat? Or does that represent us eating less as we get older; ever diminishing until we die? Is this what government existentialism looks like? And will people really start to exercise because they see a little abstract figure going up a colorful but pointless pyramid? Really? I doubt it. If they want people to exercise, they should try showing pictures of everyone's ass in an unflattering pair of slacks. That'll do it everytime. Not colorful stairs.

But this new pyramid thing, that won't do anything. It's just another example of people with too much time and too little brains. Or should that be too few brains? Whatever. It's a lame idea that someone in a meeting somewhere thought was clever. And I betcha all that person really wanted was a beer. But they're just too embarrassed to ask for one. That's really one of the biggest problems in life. For shame.

And the reason why this one's a pyramid? Because the last one was a pyramid and everyone knows it. It serves no function and might even confuse people. But at least it's traditional. We didn't use the last pyramid for jack dooky, and god knows we'll try damn hard to make sure no one uses this one either. They could have taken their time and tried to come up with something effective. But instead, they just said "fuck it" and slapped out another damn pyramid. And I have nothing better to do than to complain about it. I honestly don't.

So enjoy your new food pyramid. It might be the last one you get for a long time.

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